Green

[Tobin S.]

Why I like green.

When I think of the color green it reminds of the spring time when things are in full bloom and the world has awakened from the winter gloom. The trees are green, the grass is green and needs cutting, and it makes me feel intoxicated...intoxicated on life. I love the thought of sitting out back after dark in the spring, or maybe right at dusk, with a good beer buzz. Anything seems possible then. It makes me happy and optimistic to breathe in the warm, humid, evening air knowing that there are many warm days ahead of me.

But there's something more. When I'm experiencing one of those days it sometimes seems like I can see into an alternate reality, or maybe a different dimension- a world that is eternally green and full of life. There is no pain there and no death. It's a mysterious place with maybe a hint of mischief in the air, but nothing bad or threatening. It's a magical place, a place that fantasy novels or maybe religions hint at. Eternal life and eternal happiness. I can tap into it for a short time on a warm spring evening with a few Blue Moons in me. The beer and the air, when mixed, transport me there. So if you ever see me sitting out front with a beer and a smoke and gazing at everything on a warm spring evening, you'll know where I am.

I've written before about this mystical place- a long time ago on DU. Here is what I wrote then:

Looking Through The World Through Green Colored Glasses

Something very good is happening to me, but it is hard to explain. I will try to do it here. I associate it with the color green. And it's not the conservationy, ecologically sound kind of green, although if everyone shared this state of mind we wouldn't have any environmental problems. And it's not a drug induced kind of green, although I think you might be able to understand what I'm talking about easier if you've tried marijuana or mushrooms.

I remember feeling this way for the first time a very long time ago, and I haven't really felt it as strongly since then until now, although there have been hints of it here and there. That first time I felt this way strongly was when I was 17 and engaging in some heavy petting for the first time. It's an esoteric feeling of arousal, intoxication, growth, health, and happiness. And it's all located inside of your brain; you do not need a drug to access it. You don't have to be having sex to access it, either. I think you just need to know what it feels like and recognize it. Then, I'm hoping, all you need to do is cultivate it.

But it has occurred to me that maybe this is just me and nobody will really know what I'm talking about. My therapist certainly doesn't, but I think the fact that I'm in therapy has helped me to remember this state of mind. And it's not something that I experience all of the time. I find it's hard to access it at work, and when I do experience it the feeling is fleeting. I just can't grab a hold of it good. It's not something that is constant or consistent yet, but I'm hoping that I'll get there.

I wrote that on 12/26/08. The feeling hasn't called me that strongly since then until now. I wish it was my permanent state of mind, but I know it can't be...not in this life anyway. But maybe it will sit and stay a while this time.

[knowbody0]

1. I highly recommend you buy several

really kool green tshirts to remind yourself of your inner koolness. green is good. you Irish?

[Tobin S.]

2. Welsh and German

My fiancee recently bought a green t-shirt. I don't know if it was before or after she read this post. It was originally an e-mail to her.

[elleng]

3. Welsh! That explains your facility with language, Tobin!

Happy Spring!

:hi: