Help me.

[kslib]

My mom is in the hospital for suicidal ideation. She has had major depression for a long time, and is now suffering from chronic pain due to cervical spondylopathy. She has completely given up hope of finding pain relief. She is calling me saying that she wants to go home and that they aren't doing anything for her pain. When she was home with me, she was violent when I tried to take her meds with me and give them to her on a schedule (so she wouldn't commit suicide with them).

I just don't know what to do. Should I take her home? I can't be with her 24/7. I work full time and am in school also. She'd be by herself a lot, and I think that's bad. She can't work, she's on FMLA right now because of the pain. Her sisters have offered to pay for a plane ticket for her and one other person (whomever can take off) to go up to Mayo Clinic and try to conquer this pain. The nurse at the hospital suggested that she go see a neurosurgeon in Kansas (where we live). My dad isn't too much help. He's sort of afraid or intimidated by doctors, and is on the road trucking a lot. He would love to take off work and take care of her, but they can't even afford groceries right now (with only one income), so he feels like he has to work so they can pay the bills. If he knew I was buying groceries for them, he'd just die. He loves her a lot, but she's so mean and hateful right now. She told me just the other day that she hated me.

If mom loses her job, they both lose their health insurance, and that would be a disaster.

What do I do? I can't bear to hear her sob on the phone about how much she hates it there, but I can't leave her alone either.

[DemExpat]

1. Oh, kslib, this sounds like a heavy load to bear....

for you, your Mom, and your Dad.....

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I see that you also posted in the Health Group and have some good responses there....

My first reaction to your post is to say that bringing her home now doesn't sound like a good thing to do, and the Mayo Clinic suggestions and offer for plane tickets might be a smart thing to take up on.

I cannot imagine how hard it is to live with such chronic pain, and having your Mom in such a low state must be incredibly stressful.

Keep us posted on what you guys work out for your dear Mom....

DemEx

[kslib]

2. Thankyou.

Your good thoughts mean a lot right now.

[ernstbass]

3. Can you contact the hospital social worker or therapist

to assist you in addressing your mother's concerns? It sounds like it's time for a family meeting. All hospitals have patient advocates and maybe you could suggest she ask to speak with this person (or you could call). If your mother hasn't signed a release of information for staff to give info to you, you could still contact them and tell them your concerns.

[hedgehog]

4. My guess is that the back pain and depression are feeding off

each other. If you have any say, insist that the doctors address the depression as well as the back pain. Remember too that she's not herself right now. I said terrible things to my husband when I was at my worst point and I misunderstood even such basic things as the household budget. Hang in there and remember that you can't control everything so you're not responsible for everything.

[EFerrari]

5. ((((((((((((((((((((((kslib)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I've been there, so many times.

Some suggestions.

First, take care of you somehow, even if it's eating 3 squares and catching the sleep you can.

Then, see if you can find a NAMI chapter where you live. They're just people like us, but they may be able to help you think through, get you some back up. If you need help with that, pm me.

You town or church may have a program to help with this situation. Remember, you didn't create it, you're just dealing with it to the best of your ability. This is what families do. So, if we can get beyond the feeling that we ARE alone on a desolate planet and look around some, sometimes there are helpful people right where we live.

You keep us posted.

Beth

[Digit]

6. Very good suggestions in this thread.

Know that we are thinking of you and care about you.
I know I myself turn to this wonderful DU family when times are tough for me.
The suggestions I noticed posted were great, and we are always here to give you a boost or offer what advice we can give.
DU is one of the best groups of people on the planet.
I wish you all the best in your decision.