Suicide

[Droopy]

I've been talking to a woman via e-mail who has the same illness that I have (schizoaffective disorder). She's been having a really tough time. She is not able to work due to her illness and is trying to get disability payments. Right now her case is hung up in court and she is not confident that she will win. In her last e-mail to me she casually suggested that she kill herself if she doesn't get the disability for fear of becoming homeless.

When somebody says something like that I listen. The manner in which she said it made it sound like it was no big deal. It was kind of like me saying this: "Well, I don't think I'm going to buy that truck. Fuel prices are just so high I think I'd be better of with a compact car. Did you hear about the Reds? Yeah, it looks like Griffy is finally going to put in a full season. He's been hurt so much I don't think there's anything else that can go wrong with him. Oh, by the way, I've decided that if I don't feel better by the end of the year I'm going to kill myself. I've got the most excellent recipe for chili. The secret is in the chili powder and tobasco sauce............"

I made a big deal about it when I wrote her back. I told her there were a lot of people out there who wanted to see her alive and well. I included a suicide prevention hotline number in the e-mail. I wish that I could talk to her in person, but we live 1300 miles apart. I just feel so helpless.

[EFerrari]

1. How about them Giants?

Droopy, I think I know what you mean. When people talk to me about feeling helpless, sometimes I take it on. Even when it's sort of cloaked or surrounded by baseball and chili recipes. Maybe even more so then, because it's not direct enough to just talk about.

Sometimes when I feel like I can't control anything, I try to remember, I really can't. :)

When Doug says negative stuff (part of what his chemistry does), someone taught me to challenge it in the gentlest manner, "I wonder why you'd say something like that about yourself." And not expect an answer. It doesn't buy into the negativity about that person and helps me hang onto what's real for me at that moment. I don't know if that makes sense. But it seems to work most of the time.

You know, of course, that if you believed your correspondent was in danger, you have the option to ask the p.d. for a welfare check. Police contact is awful but in the right circumstances, beats the alternative.

[Droopy]

2. Thanks for the input, sfexpat2000

I got another e-mail from her today and I have convinced her to bring up the suicide talk with her counselor. I also suggested she go to the hospital before she tries to kill herself and she seems to be receptive to the idea although she did not promise to go. But she also seems like she's already made a decision. It's either she gets the disability or she kills herself. I was really at a loss for words today when I wrote her. I just don't know what else to say besides hang in there. I guess that's why I'm a truck driver and not a shrink.

[EFerrari]

3. Hang in there is good : ) Well, I'll send out my thoughts to her.

We all go through dark times sometimes.

When I modded an especially at risk group, we had a team just to watch for the members' posts who seemed in immediate danger. Went out of our way to sort of get to know them, then we made a contract.

We contracted for a weekly check in, in any form they wanted. And, for a phone number. We came to find that once someone gave us that number, we only very, very rarely had to use it. One of my buddies lived with a wife who went in and out of treatment and was sometimes suicidal and homicidal. They had three kids. He called me every Friday afternoon before leaving his office.

I don't know what happened to that family, but before I handed over the mod hat, they were all in treatment, as safe as possible and this amazing guy was hanging in there with his kids and although separated from his wife, was active in helping her stay in treatment. Those calls probably did me more good than they ever did him because I'd never seen that kind of patience or carefulness before.

You hang in, Droopy.

:thumbsup:

Best,
Beth