I just came home from a week in the hospital.

[Kire]

D'ja miss me?

I couldn't sleep or eat for four days after an "incident" at work.

Not sure how much I am allowed to reveal right now, other than I did nothing wrong, but it took a long time for me to realize how to back out of fights -- mostly with the charge nurse who promised she'd collect my urine speciment (which she called pee pee) in order to get me to hurry up, and then I confronted her about the fact that the bacteria filled urine was still in my room the next day. Less than an hour later, my pants were soaked in urine from another incident in the bathroom and she said I "did it on purpose". Needless to say, among other things, I am going to take my time with my patient satisfacction survey.

I was so grateful my clinicial told me I could page him anytime day or night to get out of these things. I still maintain I have been right, but if I start revealing details about what triggered all this, I am bound to butt up against somebody who has some kind of opinion about it, one that always comes out of left field. Many times I said, "I'm so pretty. I'm so, so pretty. Nobody's going to touch my face," like Mohammed Ali.

Another song I sang almost every day was the Beatles' "Boy, you're going to carry that weight, you're going to carry that weight, a long time." My room was in the "Blue Side", which I wasn't allowed back unless it was an emergency (like needing to change my urine soaked pants) from 7:30 AM to 11:30 PM. That "weight" I was referring to was a bible. The words are great and holy and all, but the paper itself gets heavy after 16 hours of lugging it around to groups and doctor consultations, and meals and visitors. Thank God for them. Thank God for all my friends.

More anon,
Kire

[EFerrari]

1. WB, Kire

I hope you're all right and will be looking for more anon.

:)

[Kashka-Kat]

2. subject field must not be blank

welcome back
:-) at reading about your "sound track", Ive had that too where an uncannily accurate "sound track of my life" kicks in and just won't let up! Anyway I enjoyed your writing tho I understand the actual event may not have been so "enjoyable".

[Kire]

3. thanks

I've been writing so gosh darn much about it. Must be up to 100 pages by now, and sending it out to everywhere in the land. I want to post what I can hear, but there are real names and legal implications involved.

Just know, I haven't forgotten about you.

Regards,
Kire

[DemExpat]

4. I used to journal everyday for years.....

very cathartic, and put things in their place. I have stacks of them in the back of my closet that I intend to take out and browse through one of these years.

:hug:

DemEx

[Kire]

5. I was seriously considering doing what the Buddha did at my age.

At age 29:

The Buddha decided to renounce the world and abandon family and posessions. Seven years later, he realized this brought him no closer to the wisdom he sought.

http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/accomplished/

[Kire]

6. applied for disability today

they are going to say onset of illness is November 3rd (no shit, that's when my job for a losing congressional candidate ended)

[rockedthevoteinMA]

7. Good luck Kire! The process takes forever. We got my sister on

it and it took about a year. I had a professor who worked for the state who told me to get in touch with my congressman's office... because they can put a rush on your application, if you call them up all teary and stuff. It worked for her.

[Kire]

13. the problem with that is...

...the job I had before the one where I was attacked was working as a Field Coordinator for my Congressman's Opponent. He's one of those Nu-Metal Republican's. The first one ever endorsed by the Club for Growth. It's going to be a long year.

Actually, I was very teary-eyed late last fall to his former opponent about it all, and she wasn't all that helpful, either. "There will always be bullies," is something she said. I honestly don't believe she'll make it through the primary.

thanks for the idea, though

in "true blue" districts, it would probably work

[no name no slogan]

8. Hey Kire, how're you doing?

I hope things have been going well for you since you left the hospital. Did they switch up your meds or anything, or get you into continuing care? I know how it goes, having gotten out of the hospital myself a month ago.

Take it easy :hug:

[Kire]

9. I'm all right, thanks.

Insomnia's a lot worse without the internet connection and the people in the Lounge I can talk to.

I just found a consumer run community house kind of place. I'm using their high speed internet connection now. I finally got to clear out my gmail box for the first time in almost two weeks. What a relief.

Easter Seals is coming to my house every day. My meds are fine, as long as I can get to them when I need them. They're talking about putting me in an apartment paid for by SS. The only other option is for my best friend, Dawn to marry me and move in somewhere. I have tried to live with other people in the same house for 10 years now, and it always ended up with either me calling the cops on them, going to the mental hospital, or both.

I'm just a really paranoid guy. That is my primary symptom now. I shouted at a couple of gas station attendants to get my 53 cents that they pumped into my tank when I didn't ask for. I'm still writing letters to the managers of all the social service organizations in the county about stuff. And I came very close to sticking my finger in the mousetrap that said "Complaint Department" at the local Fruit Stand. Tt was apparently the wind that made the scale say 0.03 lbs before I put my pear on it, she said and stomped off.

One day at a time.

I'll probably be back on line in a couple of days.

Kire

[no name no slogan]

10. Yeah, insomnia can be a killer

I've had insomnia off and on since I got out five weeks ago, too. Right now, I taking both Ambien (10mg) and Trazodone (50mg)-- the Ambien knocks me out quick, and the Trazodone keeps me asleep for eight hours. Otherwise, I'd be waking up at 3:00 with the Ambien, or be having really odd/bad dreams with over 50mg of Trazodone.

I also found out the Cymbalta is elevating my blood pressure a bit (130/100, when it's normally 110/80), so I have to go on something for that now, too. Just add it to the collection, I guess :P

I know how hard it can be to deal with social service agencies (I work for my state's dept of human services). Do you have a case worker and/or an advocate to help you navigate the system? If you don't you may want to find one, because it can be challenging to a person who's not having problems.

Hang in there man. Life will get better, and all this will seem like a blip on the radar once you're back on track.

take it easy, and know that we all care.

:grouphug:

[Kire]

12. easter seals is on the case

and my best friend just graduated with an MSW in May (in the middle of all this for me), I swear I'm going to marry her someday

I wrote a letter to the head of the division of temporary service and I got a very swift and pro-active reply (i hate that word but I can't think of a better one), she said she immediately sent a memo for people to review and dispose of offensive signs and she thanked me for pointing out something her employees have been "immune to" all these years. I wrote back again to thank her (and recommend her for a raise, a promotion and some extra time off) and also to say that if they are immune to signs that say "the beatings will continue until morale improves", then maybe they're immune to the mission statement posted on the wall, and all of those legal documents that are up there, too.

the easter seals counselor is really great, actually. she was supposed to call my mom's "boyfriend/companion/(literal)partner in crime" to tell him never to contact me again (and to return the key that I let him have because he was going to fight for it while I was asleep and medicated - if I was alert, he would have been pushed around).

well, that's all I can think of

oh, one more thing, I took the only shuttle to the self help house where I am writing this email from tonight, and it stopped by the Shop Rite, and right up to where all the employees sit and smoke - and there was my attacker, laughing and smoking and before we could make eye contact I turned my back and held it there for about two minutes until the bus was out on the street. I'm bringing my umbrella next time, and opening it to cover the window just before we pull up.

Wait...this is a bad idea. They might kick me out right there at the bench where my attacker sits and smokes. But the manager of the transit agency refuses to make exceptions for my case (that Shop Rite is right in the middle of EVERYTHING - it is like the cender and everything else is spokes on a wheel - you can't go anywhere without going through there). My easter seals social worker has been able to do a lot for me, but she even told me that this transit company is notoriously difficult. Another day, another atrocity, eh?

Warm regards,
Kire

PS After I read this article, I thought of a new user name for me. I already changed my MySpace profile name. Next time Skinner lets us change our user name, I may be "The Schizophrenic Anthropologist". You'll get used to it.

[elshiva]

11. Sorry about that, but your response was typically noble.

:hug:

[Kire]

14. where's my land and title, then?

oh yeah, God Bless America!