I'm having my nervous breakdown right now (incoherent rant)

[TrogL]

Alternate titles:

• I hate this Universe. Can I go home now?
  
• It's either post here or kill myself
  
• I hate my life - wanna trade?
  

I apologize in advance for the typing. I wanna get this all down and maybe I"ll edit later.

I've jsut kidn of readched the end of my tether. It's been a long weekend here and it's just one stupdity after another. For a summary, read some of my other threads, but here's a few examples.

No, I don't wanna play "why don't you ya but".

Somebody got into my garage and stole two of my kids bicycles - AGAIN. (partially my fault, I left the side door open)
My partner has adopted this down-and-out-of-luck person who I can't stand - the last time I had vibes like these about this person was the last time we got broken into. He's managed to get himself kicked out of the Y, where he was living, which I understand is just about impossible.
NOrmally my bipolar swings are three days up, three days down in sort of a sinewave pattern. I've been down for six days and counting. Today I guess I'm on a manic swing because I was up all night but it's hardly a normal swing. I'm still depressed, it's just like I want to start smashing things.
I bought something used and I can't get it to work. I also can't find parts for it.
My son is wacko, won't reliably take his meds that stop him from being wacko and can't see (when he's wacko) that he's the one with an altered reality (yes, I've explained it over and over). He's on a manic swing from hell and nobody believes me that he's bipolar.
My partner's on a bazillion different meds (pain management etc) and spends a lot of his time passed out. Problem is, he doesn't understand how much he's sleeping and doesn't believe you when you wake him up and tell him he's been asleep. If you confront him with the evidence he gets all hostile. Just when I'm ready to get fed up, he suddenly goes wild and cleans up the house.
I don't think my meds are helping me. My obsessive/compulsiveness is completely out of control. I've picked my face raw. I've been pacing. I've buried myself in my books. My mood swings are way outside of normal. The only thing I'm NOT doing is screaming at people like I did when I was off my meds. I guess I feel better than then, I don't know. I can't tell. YOu can't tell from inside the situation.
I"m btroke. I'm always broke. Everybody in the household is constantly whining at me for money. Nobody can udnerstand taht there just isn't any. Occasionaly on a manic swing I'll actually give them a bit for a treat and then their on my case ove rand voer and over for the next week for more. I show them the 0 bank balance, I show them my empty awllet and 30 mintges later they're at it again.
NOthing makes any sense anymore. Nothign works anhymore. Everything's just all fscked up[ all the tim e and I'm tired of it.

[DemExpat]

1. You have a choice, Trogl, call your therapist/shrink/doctor, or not.

One can't handle this kind of chaos alone for long.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

DemEx

edit:
and if he/she can't help you and your family, find some support group(s) with your health problems for better resources to specialised services that can address your problems.

[TrogL]

2. WHAT therapist/shirnk/doctor?

The only competent psychiatrist I've had I either had to move away from (work) or retired.

The last shrink I had was a pill-pushing idiot who couldn't recognize obsessive/compulsive if it slapped him in the face and lost interest in me as soon as he found out I wasn't schizophrenic.

[DemExpat]

3. I edited my post above.....

you have to find a way to come in contact with people who know more about your problems, TrogL, via Internet or via competent psychiatrists that you can contact by telephone or Email.

The only ohter option is.....what?

I reached a point years ago when I had to sink or swim by finding what worked for me. It was hellish, but it took me forward and got me out of the deadly whirlpool that I was in.

Call your GP if you have one, there must be some source for you there for some help.

DemEx

[TrogL]

4. I've been beating the bushes

My family isn't much help. They're conservative (not Freepers or fundies, just kinda regimented in their thinking) and they're on the other side of the country.

This province doesn't have a lot of mental health support even though it's the richest province in Canada. What is there is a pay-as-you-go system and you end up with a glorified social worker. Full-blown shrinks are in very short supply and lot of them are downright incompetent.

[DemExpat]

5. I forget that you are in Canada....

which I thought had a much better support system in health care than the US. I live in The Netherlands where there are several options to take.
The last doctor to prescribe your medicines is who you need to contact and tell him that it isn't working well for you.
:shrug:

Having all of the stress around you is unbearable at this time, yet, you have to be there for your kid....:-(

Anyway to get your load lightened on the outside by getting help with your child, household????

DemEx

[TrogL]

6. It is better than the US

at least there's SOMETHING there even if the waiting lists are kinda long.

The meds I'm on are a last resort. I've tried literally everything else on the market and these are the best of a bad lot.

I may farm the kid out to my ex-wife. I took him off her hands 'cause he was driving her batshit.

[DemExpat]

7. Sounds like a very good idea, TrogL...

since you live so close to each other it might not be so unsettling for him....

:hug: to you all,

DemEx

[Kire]

8. TrogL

:hug:

that's all I can do right now...except to say, as far as family members "adopting" shady roommates go, I've been there -

Edit: one more thing, walkman, earphones, solitude (that's three, but put 'em together and make 'em one)

[zippy890]

9. do you have Emotions Anonymous where you are?

It is a free support group for people with various mood disorders or mental illness

I found a group that was very helpful to me when I wasn't doing well with depression and my life was out of control

Sounds like your ina real stressful environment which migh be making your illness worse (works that way with me)

Please don't do anything to hurt yourself - is there ANY one you can call?


http://www.emotionsanonymous.org/



:hug:

[mopinko]

10. wish i was there to give you a hug

people think it is easy to get help for this sort of thing. just pick up the phone. it is so not easy. even when you have a family behind you. there are so many bad shrinks, and so much to contend with. it is a long hard road, and easy to get discouraged.
do you have a good m.d.? maybe s/he could help you find the right meds?
you are half way home to know that you need some help, and at least you have this place. keep trying. :hugs: