back to the question of hanging on to the good.

[mopinko]

so, after a weekend of high drama, things are settling down. he is feeling better, but his sleep is still a little bumpy. he seems to have some allergies or something that is making his nose stuff up. but not too bad.
we talked a lot last week, but at this point, things do degenerate. we are getting better at just backing off, which is a victory right there. but basically, he says he cannot engage in any of that for now, and i can accept that. sometimes things come up that you have to talk about. but i accept, as best i can, that a brick wall is a brick wall. my head already hurts.
he still feels that i never had anything to worry about, that i am the one who is crazy, and that the things i did to try to get him help were out of line, inexplicable, and irresponsible. i have been trying to counter this finger pointing by asking him "what are you supposed to do when you think someone you love is crazy?" i have run myself ragged. he couldn't even call his therapist and get a referral for me to someone who knew about fibromyalgia, after he promised he would. even though he was totally bent out of shape that i was thinking about changing therapists. NOW he is saying, well, maybe i should be trying to get you help. hello, i have am sticking with my therapist that we both like, i am seeing a sleep doctor in a couple of weeks, my meds are helping me, i am feeling physically better, oh well.
so, the thing is this- things will have to float for a while. we both still feel great love for one another. i can't live forever with his feeling that i have been trying to harm him with all this, but i have to for now. fine. i miss him horribly. this has been the most incredibly lonely thing i have ever been through. i want us to patch things up the best we can, and i want us both to get as much solace and support from each other as we can. lord knows we both need it badly. so we are back to the place that i was the subject of the first post i made- trying to hold on to the good while sorting out the bad. trying to limp along, focused on the good. i just need to find the balance here. i need to find a way to do this without feeling that i am being dishonest, with him and myself. to put things on the back burner, as opposed to just stuffing them into a box that will explode another day.
i guess this will be the subject of our next joint session. that is at least a week or 2 away, tho. i need a session or 2 for myself. thanks for giving me a place to vent some of this. not really expecting actual answers, here. unless, of course, someone has one.

[DemExpat]

1. I do remember a time when I was having a hard time

choosing how to handle something in a relationship - whether I could let go and see how it goes without being dishonest....this was very important to me, but very tough.

I usually chose for honesty and confrontation, but after years of this I see it did not really initiate much positive change (in his behavior and our relationship)...

But never would I let someone walk over me as I had to do as a child with all-powerful parents!

Best of luck with this stuff, I know its hard and often seemingly very complicated.

:hug:

DemEx

[mopinko]

2. at least i know that it will likely get better

once his sleep is really caught up, even if his hindsight does not become clear, i think he will at least be able to give me the benefit of the doubt. but i am not the doormat type, i can tell you. i can lay down and take a little nap here, but sooner or later, i will have to get up. that just is. brickwall headbanging is a waste, tho. it's who i am, but it is a waste.

[Kire]

3. The choice is between bad and worse.

'good' is just something you haven't lost yet