holy cow

[mopinko]

i posted about the troubles on the 4th of july, with some friends that talked to the hubby, and told him that they had been worried that i was crazy for a long time. i thought they just meant bent, raging, that kind of thing. but he made much of their opinion, and brought it up repeatedly. so i swallowed my anger, and called them today. turns out that what they told them is that for the last several years, since i have a couple of chronically ill kids, and am always at the doctors, they developed a theory that i have munchausens by proxy!!!! if swallowing that one is not proof that my hubby is paranoid or something, i don't know what. holy frickin cow.

[knowbody0]

1. holy cow, mopinko

with friends like that, what are ya gonna do?
make new friends i say.
can i be your friend?
peace and love
knowbody0

[mopinko]

2. i hear ya

i had really already crossed these people off. we have been friends for a very long time, or so i thought. but they really did make asses of themselves in the way they decided to interrogate me about my "mental health" and the whole thing really was a shit storm. but this, wow is all i can say. especially since anyone who knows me knows that there is nothing i hate more than an afternoon at the doctor, especially with the bp kid. they also accused me of causing her illness, just through bad mothering, i guess.
knowbody, you are already my friend and i thank you. i feel just about fresh out of them. thank ja for du.

[EFerrari]

3. If they're not in your corner, you don't need them.

Who appointed them the arbiters of your mental health?

Friends don't accuse you; they support you.

[mopinko]

4. friends don't do a lot of things these people did

they were really high and mighty about it, too. i thougth that the worst part of what they did was talk to him after i said that he was having trouble, but not to say anything. they went straight to him, and fed him this left over from tv crazy story. we see these people twice a year for a day or so. i couldn't figure out why he was so stuck on what they said. i kept saying that i felt like he has painted me black. i guess it's tar.
i dropped him and e-mail saying wow, no wonder you were upset. that's crazy. don't worry. no reply
i hope he is planning to show up at therapy tonight.

[mopinko]

5. i'm getting kinda frightened here

this could be a part of the custody decision if things go that far. my first response was that this was nuts, and that if he believed it (which he apparently does), maybe people would start to believe me that he is not thinking clearly. but people seem awful ready to believe that i am crazy, and maybe they will actually believe this shit. after all, i am obsessed with things like stolen elections and hidden videos of torture, truths that are not in the news, all that.
obviously, my situation is a lot more serious than i thought.

[mopinko]

6. and he's not answering my e-mails

i wrote him yesterday to say, wow, that must have really scared you to hear that, how ridiculous, etc. he did not respond. this morning i asked him if he was going to be at therapy. again, no response. i guess it is possible that he left work early yesterday, and did not go in today. but pretty unlikely. he really does believe this. he thinks i have made one kid bipolar (or appear to be), and made another appear to have crohns disease? who knows what else. also, apparently i am gaslighting him. oy.

[EFerrari]

7. mopinko, fuck other peple

Your first job is to stabilize yourself.

There are at least two options:

One, you are unstable and you need some care. That's not a death sentence. That's just what any human bean is entitled to. Care.

Two, you're being smeared by your partner knowingly or not, and are probably feeling very upset. In which case, you also need help stabilizing your situation.

This is sort of funny but I learned this the hard way. It doesn't matter in the least who has the craziness dancing on their heads. What matters is who is willing to take a step back, and try to make the situation better.

Who can you trust to help you get there?

[mopinko]

8. fuck them, indeed

i think i was very deliberately smeared, there is just no way these people came up with this, and with the certainty that they have, all on their own, when we rarely see them. maybe it started innocently enough. we have been having trouble for a while. but they had to have something to go on.
really, the stuff that is wrong with my kids cannot be faked, or caused by anything within my small powers, if at all. besides, i really, really do hate doctors. i see enough of them on my own, anyway. besides, they don't usually give me sympathy. they don't usually like me any more than i like them. i am usually having to explain that someone won't take their pills, or i forgot the appointment, or something like that. getting attention from movie stars, maybe, firefighters, even. but really, doctors, blech.
at any rate, i have been admitting to anyone who asks that i have been crazy, i have been in and out of low level depressions for a long time. as near as you can ever tell that shit, i am fine now. meds i am taking for fibro, and sleep are leaving me rested, well, and calm. just got a fucked up life at the moment.
i just got back from the therapy session. i was surprised he showed up. he could not/would not talk about this stuff. he said he believed it for a while, but he didn't anymore. he wanted to talk about his plan for moving back in, which he had e-mailed me. it is the work of a very frightened guy. but i told him i just couldn't really get over this, or figure it out. and i didn't think i could feel safe with him. he ran out saying he was calling his lawyer.
my therapy has been pretty frustrating, since i do know that no one can make him get help, but that is all i want, and all that is wrong with me right now as far as i can tell. so, right now i just am not seeing the point exactly. i talk to her, and she objects to what i am talking about. she admits she is finding it frustrating, too. what ya gonna do? take a break, i say. for a little while.
it's a mess. but there is not much to do but wait, and hope that he has a break through. i know that being gone, and being gone because i am afraid of him is putting a huge amount of stress on his defenses. i just hope that they crack in a good way, and not in a bad way.
in the meantime, our bp daughter has swallowed this all hook, line and sinker. she is going to stay with him. i suspect that she may be the source of some of this stuff, but i can't believe that they would come to those conclusions based on just her say so.
if i survive all this, i think i will go into stand-up. i mean, you can't make shit like this up. and laughing about it has keep me from flipping so far. i think.

[Tallison]

10. Great perspective

As challenging as it is, no one can problem solve when all their energy is going toward acting on the sense that they have to defend themselves.

[mopinko]

9. well. at least i found the pieces to this puzzle.

and who knows how much of the rest of this mess. i did not know where he was staying, but i should have figured it out. with the friends that are telling him i am nuts. they have been talking to my bp daughter. she has been rewriting history for herself. nothing wrong with her except a lifetime of my sins. 3 years of therapy, and she is still at hate the momma, love the daddy. doesn't need pills. doesn't need shrinks. doesn't need her mom. does need her daddy, tho. gonna have him all to herself now. oy vey.
she has been on the phone with him constantly, and has spent a few days there. she came back and got her little brother and sister so worked up they were about ready to tar and feather me. i had to give her the boot, too. it was out of control. she is out of control. shit shit shit.

[Tallison]

11. More questions

A hallmark of borderline PD is the tendency to idealize one relationship while devaluing another. If this, in fact, is operative within your daughter and she stays with her father for any period, eventually he will become the object of the devaluation cycle, providing him the opportunity to develop insight into the dynamics of your relationship with her. Since your relationship with her is clearly a major source of stress for you, perhaps not having her under the same roof for a while would benefit your chance to get centered and develop a more constructive perspective on the situation and how you can help her.

If you don't mind me asking, from what other illnesses do your children suffer?

[mopinko]

12. i have a kid with crohn's

that is the one that she was really trying to say i was causing. probably because she read that munchausen's by proxy mother's give laxative and ipecac and cause unexplainable digestive stuff. but the kid is 12, she would know.
besides, she does not really get diarrhea like a lot of crohn's patients. except for her original presentation, she just doesn't get that. she has biopsies, colonoscopies, blood tests, etc.
and her older brother (age 19) is a little off. he is kind of a typical genius hermit. he can't really function out in the world yet. but he is mostly happy in his little world here. dunno. have tried to get him help, but really think this is just who he is. he also has a non-24 body clock, which is mostly what made him unable to function in regular school. he was ok when he was a day person, but when his clock moved to night person, he got pretty sleep deprived and screwed up.
and i have fibromyalgia and lupus. i spent a lot of time going to docs, trying to figure this out. thanks to warpy, here on du, i have finally figured it out, and have good treatment. but it was quite the trip.
this idea would be right up her alley. she is obsessed with serial killers, and would certainly be fascinated by killer mothers.

the reason that i called the social worker at school in the first place was to see what it would take to get her into a residential program for next year. i do think it would be good to get her out of the house for her and for us.
her relationship with her dad is really not so much one of idolizing him, as it is one of manipulating him, like she does with everyone. she pours on enough sauce to suck up to him, but she is also very demanding and bullying to him. he seems receptive now to hearing that he does not have to accept her crap. and that the reason it is so often a choice between her and me is because she sets it up that way.