well, it's been a long hot summer with no air conditioning and no money, but I finally found out today that the court will hear my complaint against the co-worker who attacked me in April
(background)- I'm scared out of my mind, but my best friend who talked me down over the phone that night will be testifying on my behalf, too -- that and the circumstantial evidence I've got (a confession written into the police report) should make for a good case, IMHO. I'm so glad that I'm not going to be there alone. It's not my word against hers. It's her word against my word, my friend's word and her own word. The case comes up in two weeks.
I got kicked out of the self-help house I was writing from in June and July because I'm not going to stand for the lies they were passing around me. It was really a social club, and the defamers had a pretty good clique going, so what am I supposed to do? It was a self-help house, so it was consumers helping consumers and the lead consumer got in a rage the last night I was there because I complained that they didn't announce that dinner was ready. They're the ones in a rage and I get kicked out. It's safer that way, but they're all a bunch of defamers.
So, as it goes with the nature of defamation, the victim's reputation gets stolen from him/her. I'm home alone so much, my psychiatrist ordered me into a day program, so as I was telling the story about this self-help house defamation last week the interviewer all of the sudden started telling me that I might not be in the right place. Apparently, somebody got violent the day before and she was involved, but she just got scared of me and told me that
I need to think about it and come back next week. Well, if I don't get into this day program, I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll just come home and think and think and think, and not about good things.
She asked me if I have "issues with women". What a crock. What do you want me to say. My mother incested me, I recently told her to fuck off, and my co-worker, who was a woman, attacked me and I am pressing charges. Other than that, no, I don't have "issues with women". I have issues with dishonorable people, and women, I'm sorry, but women are included sometimes. I'm not targeting women for some kind of sick game or something, but I need to be free to tell a woman that she's hurting me if it's the truth. I just got done telling her how I was never allowed to make any mistakes around my mom, or I would pay for it.
And then, what am I supposed to say to this question: "do I have issues with women"? Something dishonest? Yes, I have issues with women. Dishonorable women. I have issues with dishonorable men, too. I am not going to be your victim, and if you want a reason to torture me, or defame me, or impugn my character, or blame me for something you are responsible for, there's your excuse. Enjoy.
I really want to ask her if she has "issues with men", but I live in a female dominated society. Where you live might be different, but not where I grew up, which was a room in a house where nobody came around except for my mother, and if somebody tried, my mother would scare them away in no time flat. That's my understanding of the world.
My best friend, who I mentioned above, is a woman, and she is going to defend me in a court of law. There was no reason for my co-worker to hit me. It was not self-defense. It was the cumulation of a long campaign of harassment. All I did was ask, "Could you please file a formal complaint?" I had tears in my eyes, but I didn't even get to finish that sentence when a towel hit me in the face and I was told get out her "fucking face".
I want a fair hearing, a trial. And if I am found guilty, I will appeal and appeal, but if I am truly guilty, let me pay for my crimes. I only ask that someone who trespasses against me is offered the same opportunity.
Thank you for letting me rant. I mean no offense to any women who are reading this. I have explained this to many other women and gone over these exact details and I have been supported. If you think I am a "woman hater" or someone who is even capable of "violence against women", I want to prove to you (or at least plead with you to understand) that you are misunderstanding things. All through my childhood, I was under the impression that my grandfather (who passed away before I was born) was an evil man, a molester, a wife beater and a daughter raper. I don't know where I got this, but after looking through old pictures, and piecing things together, I now see there are some very sad aspects to this guy. It doesn't excuse "what he did" (even though my aunt's categorically deny that he was a molester, and my grandmother denied that he hit her), but, in my eyes, it does redeem "who he is". He made some bad business deals, and he drank himself to death after making a huge one that he couldn't repair. That is all. But my mother paints a much different picture. Everything she says I am skeptical of, much of it has not been the truth. Calculated to her advantage. She is the one, and I can prove this, who beat my father who was terminally ill and curled up into a tight "frozen": position forced on him by a degenerative neurological condition called Supra-Nucleo Palsy. When she got hold of the will, all of the sudden, she gets 99% of everything (over a million dollars), she tells everybody she's going to help them in certain ways but decides not to follow through with any of that. When he died, the coroner told her over and over that he couldn't rule out "foul play" (maybe a break-in he said, nobody falls asleep on their pillow in his condition with his feet straightened and suffocates to death), but she couldn't bother. It was too much trouble to authorize an investigation.
So you see what I'm saying, if I don't get help from this place, I am going to be only getting help from her. And you see what she did to someone else in her care. So excuse me, if I get upset when I tell the story.
I don't want to argue with anybody who replies to this post. I will ask that the whole thread be deleted if it descends to that level. I'm only posting this to let you know how I was doing and to ask for help as I prepare for the court date. I didn't realize that I would be posting something so strong. I must have some level of trust in you, DU, if I actually press that Post Message button, don't I?
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