A Humble Request Part 1
Greetings Family and Friends-
I think my car is really finished now. It's making all kinds of noises. I'm amazed that it has lasted since the summer.
I'm asking now because I can pay you back in a few weeks when the SSD comes in. I expect it to cost between $1500 and $2000 and I will be getting $7 to $8000 sometime before the end of this month.
This is a Honda that is supposed to last forever as long as it is kept up. If it breaks down and I have no money to fix it right away, the Oak HIll townhouse management corporation will not let me keep it in my driveway.
I am desperately scared of losing my transportation, and where I live, it is impossible to live without a car. Literally impossible. The bus only goes to the Shop Rite, and that's the same Shop Rite where I was attacked and I refuse to shop there.
I am sending this to all who have been supportive of me these past few months since my disabilty started up again. The doctors say I can't work to make money to pay for it. It really sucks to be in this position, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is you.
This is a loan I'm asking for. It will be paid back promptly as soon as the money from Social Security comes in. I am already receiving SSI, but the SSD is supposed to come in just a few more weeks. I don't think my car will hold out until then. It is now or never. If I don't get it fixed, I'll be buying a new car, which I don't want. This car was a gift from Dad, and it has sentimental value - not to mention it works great when it is kept up.
I hope that one, or a combination of you, are willing to help me out here. I am desperate. I'm sorry if I make any of you uncomfortable.
Love,
Kire
A Humble Request Part 2
From: My Mother Mailed-By: hotmail.com
To:
Date: Nov 1, 2005 11:44 AM
Subject: RE: can i borrow some money to fix the car now?
Kire: I think you need to realize " You 've got to know when to hold em and know when to fold em." Puttting an emotional attachment on a dead or dying car isn't going to help. I think you'd be better off finding a reliable used car Perhap Grandma's connections with the Leisure Village Bullitin Board or other networking thru Applewood. Once the house sells and that shoud be around Christmas, you could do something with your investment trust, and that would still provide a positive connection to your Dad and reliable transportation. Please consider this seriously, if timing is a problema short term loan for purchase rather than repair is a wiser idea.
A Humble Request Part 3
Mom-
what do you know about emotional attachment, you dance when you talk about your dead husband, my father
since when do you get to decide every little thing
the car is not "dead or dying", it needs some fixing up, once it's fixed, it will be alive and well
the money that I get from the house is going to pay off the credit cards, and there will be none left for a car
why did you involve charlotte in this? why did you pick and choose who to reply to?
you are a monster mom, you are a monster
if you're going to help me, help me...if you're not going to help me, then don't help me...but, please, for the sake of everything that is holy, please stop hurting me
you don't know when to fold 'em, so stop lecturing me on that...you don't know how to manage your money, so stop telling me that I need to manage my money better...there is no money...there is no money to manage...and you're telling me to fold 'em
I"m asking my family and friends for help. There is no sense in buying a new car, when repairs on this one will cost less. Like I said in the email, it is a honda, it will last forever. It will last longer than any 20 year old Saab that Vic can find for you to "give" me for $100.
you hurt me, mother...you really did...i can hear the sneer in your voice when I read your words
all i can do is rage against the dying of the light, and you tell me to fold 'em
it was a righteous, humble request for a loan, i will pay the money back in three to four weeks, but you don't care about my rights, you are holding me prisoner with everything you do
i really don't want to live in panther valley, i don't really even need a car when it comes down to it
i will not accept your offers because they are not made in a loving way...you are malicious, mom
what can i say? send me to the po' house, send me to live with the degenerates of society...at least they won't hold me prisoner forever, like you
you will never be in my presence again...i will never allow it...if you come near me, i will run away...if you touch me, i will swat at you
Dad would never want me treated like this.
But, still, you don't care. You're going to write back and tell me that you love me, and you're going to wait for the first sign of giving in from me and you're going to really believe that everything's ok and you can play more games with me, your pet
after all, I'm just a sick boy, that sign over my cage tells you so
I could just keep writing and writing this email, and it would feel good, but it doesn't matter. you're still coming for me. you're a zombie. you'll never stop. you'll give lip service and you'll say you're going to stop when i scream loud enough, but you don't actually do it, you'll probably wait for years, and then I'll be on death's door and you'll be at my bedside asking me to sign the very last thing that I have of monetary value over to you
any good new for me is good news for you because you will steal it and it will no longer be good news for me because it will be spoiled
why don't you fold 'em, mom? tell your little boy to grow up and go out in the world and survive
notice there are no four letter words in this email, but it doesn't matter, i'm angry, so my expressions are just symptoms, to be modified and corrected by the right combination of medication and therapy
"get better, get better" i remember your mantra when I was in the hospital. that was the most terrifying thing i have ever heard in my life. i hear that in my head from time to time. auditory hallucinations aren't real. i know that. but they are perceivable nonetheless.
you need to back off, mom...back off
i keep getting better, better than the day before. i never get worse. but it's never enough for you. you are insatiable.
this isn't working. i need something better. i need something better than you.
anything is better than that.
goodbye, ding dong, au revoir, deja vu
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