Are the holidays taking a toll on you?

[Blue_Roses]

It seems that just when I think things are starting to come together, life plops one of it's big bombshells on me. Between the bills and the continuing drama with ADD in mine and my husband's life, I sometimes feel that a nervous breakdown is around the corner. (I actually looked up what a nervous breakdown was the other day).

To add to that, my spouse has been spending a lot of time with the guy across the street playing this stupid football video game (X box or something like that). I have to go over and get him several times, especially when I have to run errands and I need him to watch the kids. He is OBSESSED with this game and I can hear them yelling at this game like they were watching a live football game. The problem is, this guy is much younger than my husband and his wife is even younger. His wife thinks I'm ridiculous for getting mad that he comes over there so much. He and his wife smoke pot around their two small kids and even had their 18 month old playing in it when if was left on the coffee table. (so the neighbor said) My husband is drug tested randomly for the job he has (driver) and even though he doesn't do it, I don't like this environment. I have tried to keep the peace and keep my mouth shut, but the other night--after he had been over there for over 5 hours--I let it rip. Now more drama--conflict with the neighbors:eyes: Like we really need more stress.

Now I feel guilty and I know I need to apologize, but for some reason I just don't want to. I don't know if it's just the bills or the holidays or all of the above, but dammit, I've had enough!

:argh:

[EFerrari]

1. Hi there, Blue Roses.

I think I know what you mean about not wanting to apologize.

When I lose my temper with Doug, sometimes I have "right" on my side. As in, anyone would have gotten upset because (fill in the details here).

I'm human. I'm not some souless minder. :)

And, the reality is, when I lose my temper with Doug, nothing I say communicates to him. He just gets scared and upset even if he doesn't behave "scared and upset" -- that's what happens. So, now I have a second problem on my hands where before I only had one.

It sure doesn't sound like that household can be a positive place for your husband. Have you thought about getting him some version of that game so he can play at home? (Which might be a step in a more positive direction?)

Doug is finally himself today after being unwell since the Tuesday before Thanksgiving. What a relief. :silly:

I really have to mind our stress levels during the holidays. Are they getting to me? Yes'm. I try to enjoy what I can but truly can't wait until Jan 2.

:hug:
Beth

[Blue_Roses]

3. I'm so glad to hear Doug

is doing better. You sound like you are so patient--something I need to work on more.

Actually I have thought about getting him this game and he sure does want it, but financially it's tough now. Maybe after the holidays they will go on sale.

Thank-you so much for you support and insight. It means a lot especially in these stressful times. You hang in there too!

:hug:

[EFerrari]

6. We hang in or -- the other choices are not good.

Doug got his insight back today. I swear, his whole face changes.

The rest of the month, I'm going to be the Stress Monitor.

Take care, sweetie,
Beth

:hug:

[mrgorth]

2. If I may...

You can apologize for losing your temper but you should also explain to him, in detail, why you don't want him over there so much. As a man I can understand the feeling of "you should be happy I'm just playing an innocent game at the neighboor's and not at a strip club" and if he was only over there every so often it'd be no big deal. It sounds like these people are a bad element, even if they have good hearts (read chaotic) and your husband IS putting his career in jeopardy. Be frank, tell him if it keeps up you're going to counseling and you have a fantastic lawyer (even if you don't). He can play games all he wants as long as he gets the child support to you on time. That might wake his arse up.

[Blue_Roses]

4. thank--you

and how well you know. I have heard the "you should be happy I'm playing across the street and I'm not in a bar," so you are spot on with that.

It is a toxic environment over there and I think after the other night he's starting to realize how much it's hurting me and our kids. (they asked him why he spends so much time over there and not with them--that got to him) We'll see what happens this Friday. It's getting to where I dread Fridays.

Thank-you again for you advice and insight. I really appreciate it:)

[mrgorth]

5. No problem.

Feel free to PM me if you need more. My marriage just ended because my wife didn't complain enough when she should've. I don't want to see anymore broken families.