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..of being fully alive.... that's what i call it. Anyone who can honestly- TRULY- look at the nation, and the world around us, and NOT feel depression, hopelessness, despair, and regret, is likely either in denial, a sociopath, or disassociating. My PDoc reminds me of this often.
Remember that saying that depression is 'anger turned inward'? well, I'm sure seeing a pretty RAGE filled world- especially among those who angrily claim the harm that is being done is 'good' and 'noble' and 'right'- If what you are doing is really 'the best thing' don't you usually have a measure of .....peace? ...comfort?.... patience?... in amongst all the natural feelings of (what if i'm wrong, or what if this isn't the 'best' option) there is usually, at least as I've come to realize, a kind of gut level "this may not seem like it's right, but it is- " that centers me.
I hope this is making some sense- I think what you are experiencing is SO HEALTHY- and SO 'RIGHT ON'- that doesn't make the pain and suffering you are feeling any less acute- but if you ask yourself what the alternative would be, would you really want to go through life numb to the things that are being done, and going on, without feeling distress? It is because of people who have the courage to FEEL- and SPEAK about the need for all of humanity to FEEL- that positive change is not only possible, but is understood as being necessary-.
Please, don't think I'm be-littling your experience- I've taken a long break from DU of late, because I found myself drowning in despair, and unable to find a 'safe harbor'- I want to encourage you, as many kind people here did for me, to treat yourself with gentle and loving care. We can only be part of working towards moving this world in a more positive direction, even by minuscule steps, if we are 'ok' enough to stand against the harsh winds of hatred, oppression, and fear based cruelty. I have read many of your posts, and know you to be a person of great sensitivity, strength, wisdom and honor. Be gentle with yourself first of all- because you are a 'part' of the positive change- and treating this world, and each other with respect, compassion, kindness and love, has to begin within each one of us-
This world is in deep trouble- If we aren't careful, we'll either 'give in'- or 'give up' I'd sooner die than 'not give a shit'- It hurts like hell to live with our 'eyes wide open'- but the flip side of that is life is also far more succulent to those of us who refuse to go through life without being fully alive.-
Sharing your anguish, and wishing you comfort, healing and strength- blu
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