Issues with bad temper

[ThatsMyBarack]

I'm generally a good person. I try to be as mature and courteous towards others as I possibly can. I'm the kind of person who lets other cars go first at a 4-way STOP sign. I count my blessings constantly. I work hard at my job (library tech. services). Etc., etc., etc.....I hope with all my good deeds people with reciprocate when I need help. But some people are just so tied up within themselves that it just doesn't work out. Sometimes I get so frustrated when I can't get help when I need it I just want to punch someone. I've made the mistake of tellin my mom this, and she says if that happens I'll end up in jail for life.

Anyone else ever dealt with this? yes, I'm in therapy.

[hedgehog]

1. You want to punch someone or you have punched someone?

There's a big difference.I've seen a lot of so-called normal people have temper tantrums. It's usually a white male in his 20'ss or 30's taking out his anger on a piece of electronics. Years ago these jerks used to whip out a tape cartridge and throw it out the window of their cars. Now they smash their cell phones. I think it's a way of showing that they're Alpha males or something, lol.

[zanne]

3. I'm not an Alpha anything...

I'm a 54 year-old woman who actually has temper tantrums. I try to wait until nobody is around and I don't throw anything that can break, but I'll scream a blue streak and slam doors. This all started 15 years ago, after I had bypass surgery. (I woke up from surgery feeling angry). I don't know if it's worth talking to a pdoc about, but it can make me feel really stupid afterwards.

[DemExpat]

4. Yep....yelling, cursing, and slamming doors is how my rage

occasionally escapes...after being such a sweet, good girl in my youth, I guess the balance is now being created. :-)

I don't "like" having these explosions of feelings, but as long as I don't hurt anyone or myself, I don't see them as being entirely unhealthy, really. Being in therapy for several years actually helped me change from being such a fake goodie goddie person to one who now is not afraid of confontation and conflict, and can express very negative feelings.

The key is being able to express them without projecting them too much on others - even if they "deserve" it....:evilgrin:

DemEx

[sam sarrha]

2. don't ever expect others to reciprocate, if it isn't a gift get a receipt. i

would think that your problem is more likely a deficit in communication skills.. tho i may be projecting..

i don't think it has anything to do with being white... i am really tired of being the scapegoat for the worlds problems.. where i come from my biggest problem isn't white people.. it is getting run out of jobs by ethnic gangs.. fearing i will make a wrong turn and get machine gunned by drug dealers who are not white. so get over that.

what i feel is going on is that you have attached an emotional response to an aversion, which is manifested as a concept.. if/then/therefore but this is the real world. you can resolve that by perhaps asking for help, if it doesn't work out then you need to either quit expecting reciprocation or quit helping out.. or just say, OK, but you will "Owe Me One" sometime i need help, in a laughing way.. that puts them on notice. and be ready to cut them off.. but make it legal, say 'I'm real busy right now... or i certainly would.. It makes a difference if it is work related and they are just taking advantage of you or if they really need help legitimately not because they are lazy or incompetent.

maybe you feel others should know you need help, it doesn't work that way, that only happens when you have a really good FRIEND, and those are REALLY rare.

here is my best Dalai Lama quote..'A negative thought continues and increases exponentially until replaced by a Positive thought, however a positive thought must be cultivated.

you need to learn to meditate, it will all become very clear. you can ask me about that if you are interested.

the solution of your problem is understanding the dynamics of the process and 'Interrupting' the process. this is the key to ANY problem... the Genesis of a problem has absolutely nothing to do with the resolution of the problem... nothing Freud wrote about ever panned out.. Nothing.

my hate for my wife running off with a drug dealer and 2 whores with our 3 year old son, and not knowing where he was and what messed up drug addict had him while she was in jail... drove me really bat shit crazy....!!!! what cured me was blessing her twice every time i hated her.. i later realized that i worried about my sons safety and blamed her for that. true or not that was the process.

every time i habitually cursed her i immediately prayed for her guidance out of the bad situation she was in.. them i prayed for her protection till she got out of there..

first thing in the morning and last thing at night and every time i thought of her and our son in between.. which was all the time.. i hated her every moment of my life at that time.

i had taken a class in Pranayama by a group called Rebirth America, or Pranagenics.. after a month of practice they had you do a 'Big Event' a heavy pranayama session for an hour or an hour and half.. which results in an altered state of consciousness.. i projected in a crystal clear astral body to a place where there was a blazing white light streaming out of a 'Point' about ...20 feet away.. it was pure fluid plasma, like a welding arc light.. it was like being electrocuted .. just before i projected my teacher touched my shoulder and said affirm.. which i took to mean affirmation.. so a thought the only thing i want is to resolve this anger between my sons mother.. them took one more DEEP breath and Bang i am floating in this arc light.. them a voice like a bell said..... 'then love her'..... i thought 'yea but'.. the voice came back and said..'But NOTHING, Love Her'.. i then realized i was before the the burning bush and i am Arguing with it..!!

so i started the program of reprogramming my habitual anger process..

3 weeks later i get a letter from her that she was back living with her mother and i could visit her any time i wanted.. and a year later she married a millionaire.. and is living happily ever after..

i have heard this same thing happen to other people, some associate it with gOD, but it works the same way with people who dont associate it that way.. it is a mystical process.. it is the way the universe works.

learning to meditate which is simply training the mind to pay attention to what is going on.. will slowly make a lot of changes in your life.

[DemExpat]

5. Thanks for sharing your interesting (although painful) experiences.

I agree with you that expecting others to react or respond in certain ways is a sure-fire road to disappointment and possible rage. So, for those who are kind and do kind things out of a hope that others will recirporcate, I would say, either be less kind yourself (if you aren't doing it FOR that person but in order to get something back), or conitnue to be kind to others without the expectation.

I also agree that meditation can slowly teach one how to be aware of motivations and illusions - I enjoyed formal Zen meditation for 3 years in a group, and when I did not want to progress any further into the 'system' of Zen (the same aversion I have to any organized religious practice or church), I took my valuable experience with me and now meditate as I walk on my daily walks with my dog.

Do you have contact with your son now?

:hi:

DemEx

[Pharaoh]

6. do good things for other people

but don't expect anything in return,

when you do things without expecting anything, you get everything,

but you have to figure out how this works for yourself,

Jesus gave us many clues, there are many books on the spiritual distress you speak of.....