The holidays are kind of bad for me.

[terrya]

I don't know about the rest of you, but the holidays are hard for me to deal with. This year in particular. My depression is there (it's particularly bad right now) and having "holiday cheer" crammed down my throat by co-workers and family seems to make it worse. It's as if I feel guilty because I'm not whooping it up as much as every one else. And then I feel even worse, because I feel like something is wrong with me. My sister has depression, and she gets how hard this is. But I wouldn't even want to try to explain this to my co-workers, who are so glad about the holidays, etc, etc. I tell them I feel...nothing. Empty. And they look at me like I'm some kind of idiot.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest, everyone.

[TrogL]

1. *shiny-happy* You need to be happy!!!

http://cust.idl.com.au/boyd/dummi.html

Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song
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Sing a happy, happy, happy, happy, happy, happy song
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Somebody kill me, now.

[Droopy]

2. I know how you are feeling

When you are depressed, seeing people happy can make you even more depressed because you just can't feel happy. You may even wonder if you'll ever feel good again.

Mental illness is not something you can will yourself out of for most people. There are exceptions, but most people need help dealing with their illness. I saw your post in the depression thread and I think you need to get with your doctor and your therapist if you have one and tell them that what they are doing is not helping.

Also, to a certain extent, I think that you not feeling all that cheerful about the holiday season may just be natural. How have you felt during the holidays of the past when you weren't depressed? I've never been all that happy on the holidays. I've always enjoyed them, but I don't feel any different than my normal self. No excessive cheer from me. It could be that your depression is just making you self conscious that you don't get all riled up for the holidays and that could be compounding your depression.

[DemExpat]

3. I also do not get all excited about Christmas,

certainly not whipped up in a frenzy of buying and overeating! :D


What I love the most about December lately is that December 21st is the shortest day....after that we are on the road back to longer days, springtime, and summer.

I do enjoy a Christmas meal with beloved friends and my children and hubby, but I use the holidays to read, listen to good music, reflect on the year, and make some plans for the coming one.

And rest assured, these holidays are difficult for more people than you might realize! All of the spending, sometimes forced family gatherings, etc. etc.... :crazy:

:hi:

DemEx

[rasputin1952]

4. Well, you know, no one says you 'have' to be happy...

of course you don't have to have a constant Scrooge attack either. My opinion on this is really quite simple, just be yourself. Some days are better than others, some days can be quite poor.

Get w/your S/O when you can. Relax, hang out w/friends and treat each day as it comes. Respect others, and don't jump into situations because you feel you have to. Enjoy the enjoyment of others.

I have found that throughout the year, random acts of kindness help me fell better about the world in general. But during this time of year, when it is cold, and the sky is often gray, it just seems to be a little better when you do something kind for someone. I don't know the person I am being kind to, it helps their day, and it makes me feel better. We part, and a mutual respect is gained.

Perhaps we are like angels, we do many things for others, not because we expect anything in return, but because it is simply the right thing to do. Small acts of kindness are the best, anonymous and swift...a smile of welcome from a fellow human is worth its weight in in gold....O8)

[no name no slogan]

5. S'aright, terrya-- I hate the holidays myself

It seems its always more stressful every year-- the shopping, the crowds, the darkness at 4:00 PM,......not to mention that everybody seems to forget the meaning behind the holidays, too. It's so materialistic it makes me want to blow chunks :puke:

November and December are always my worst months. I've always hated them. It seems everything bad that happens to me is in those months.

But the good part is that in a few weeks, it will all be over for another year, and life will get back to something resembling 'normal'.

Hang in there. Things will be better soon enough :hi:

[terrya]

6. Thank you, everyone.

For your comments and suggestions.

I didn't mean to seem as though I was unattentive to your replies. I am spending WAY too much time in the Lounge. :-)

Like I said, this is kind of bad for me right now. But I have friends and family who I enjoy being with. And that helps quite a bit.

And in that spirit...I hope ALL of us has good, happy times this season. :-)

T

[rasputin1952]

7. Good to hear! And if you ever get down around this time of year again...

here is a bit of truth that should make most people thankful they weren't in my Mom' family...My Mom was born Dec 24th, her older sister by 3 years, was born Dec 25th, and the eldest brother was born 2 years prior to that on Dec 26th...Talk about some really crappy gift receiving days...:) But, it made it easy on their parents...:D

[flamingyouth]

8. I know the feeling, Terry

It's really hard to feel the "Christmas spirit" (whatever exactly that is...) when everyone is completely stressed out and, at times, downright mean.

Yesterday a customer started abusing and berating one of my employees, and I just snapped at him, which made her glad, but it freaked me out a bit because of how harsh I was. (Basically it ended with, "Get the hell out and don't ever come in my store again.") He was a scam artist and was trying to intimidate her so he could get something for 75% off, basically. So it's no great loss. But how I snapped at him freaked me out.

Anyway, you're far from alone, Terry, trust me. :hug:

[rasputin1952]

9. WOW...I can't picture you snapping at anyone...

:D

I would have loved to see that! Probably some damn cheap R anyway...:P

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

10. I understand how you feel.

One thing that helps me feel not so empty is to drive around looking at Christmas lights. It at least lets me feel a little tiny sliver of hope. I don't know why.

I hope things get better for you. :hug:

[imenja]

11. perhaps you might lower expectations for yourself

Remember that lots of people have issues with the holidays. You don't have to feel anything in particular because it's the holiday season, just enjoy time with family and friends. I really don't think many people walk around feeling overjoyed because it's Christmas. For many, especially mothers with small children, it's an endless series of tasks to be done leading up to the big day. Most of us feel a great deal of stress involved, spending money on presents, special food, travel. There is also the extra-stress of holiday social situations.
Perhaps if you don't expect yourself to be especially happy, or even happy at all. If it helps you to do less, perhaps spend time with your family, give simple gifts, and don't feel a need to go to every party you are told about. Perhaps if you focus on trying to make the holiday as stress-free and pleasant (rather than exuberantly happy) and doing whatever will make that possible for you?

[terrya]

13. I'm here at home right now.

I'm with my folks and I should be happy. It's cold outside, but nice and warm. I'm with my family, I have it a lot better than some others (some less fortunate than I).

But I feel...nothing. Like I want to go to bed.

I knew this would ultimately happen.

I'm just glad I have a chance to talk about it.

Thanks, everyone. I hope all is well with you. Happy Holidays. :-)

T

[DemExpat]

14. Those "shoulds" often are the culprits of our emptiness

"I should be happy", etc.....saying this used to make me feel worse, not better. Like, what an idiot I am for not being happy in these more- fortunate- than- others situation.

It is good to look at all that you have to be grateful for, but not as a reason that you should be all happy and jolly. IMHO.

Get what you can from these days, and accept what isn't at this time.

I hope you have some good times coming!

:hug:

DemEx

[robbedvoter]

15. You should nothing. You ARE ENTITLED to feel however you feel

even if it's not in accordance with the time and place. Give yourself that freedom, and half of the blahs will be lifted right there.
Then deal with the rest of them.

[Chimpanzee]

12. Bah humbug!

Christmas has been bastardized by the capitalistic system. I'm agnostic, but I think it's fine that people celebrate Xmas for religious reasons. Unfortunately, Xmas has been ruined by the corporate advertisers and capitalist merchandisers. It's disgusting and depressing.

[yardwork]

16. I know exactly what you mean, terrya

I have depression and anxiety. The holidays and I collide with a dull thud.

First, in my guilt-ridden mind I am supposed to be Martha Stewart and achieve the finest, most beautiful and yet earth-friendly and anti-corporate holiday that was ever seen.

Second, accompanied by my old friend the black dog of depression, I don't have much energy (especially during this time of year) to get up and do much of anything, so there we have it. A vast gulf between "should" and "could."

With the help of therapy I am learning to laugh at myself and that has really helped this year. Also, misery loves company. Think of all those normally cheery Democrats out there who are sharing our lousy holiday spirit this year!