Today I Am Down in the Dumps

[stepnw1f]

Have been taking meds since my mid twenties. Was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. Also had to kick drinking, since when I started, I could never stop from drinking more until I passed out or got myself too sick to drink more.

That's a pretty short description of my troubles.

Today, I woke up and felt sorry. Sorry for all my flaws and mistakes, as I gazed at my girlfriend laying in bed. She looked like an angel, and I, like a miserable fuckup. She has stayed with me for 7 years now... all through my ups and downs, and man what a sacrifice she has made. I promised myself more in life, and now we seem to have less because of me. I know... it's the pity thing. I guess this is one of those moments I just wanted to share and could use some cheering up or something...

[Lorien]

1. Well, as my doctor says; "If you aren't depressed these days

then you're either uninformed or an idiot-or both". She's from Brazil and believes that all Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Some of it comes from depression due to current events, but most of it comes from our sick society. An emphasis on WHAT you are instead of WHO you are as a person is at the root of it; you are what you earn and own in America, and this simply isn't the case in other countries. She also says that our sick environment and our society's lack of appreciation for the natural world has lead us into "toxic" lifestyles.

So, where does your depression come from? Is it biologically inherited? (If so, I'll recommend the Alpha-stim again) Is it due to feelings of professional failure? I know that you're a talented artist, and I know that you, like myself, probably don't do as much with that talent as you would like to. You might try www.barbarashur.com for some inspiration.

If you have an angelic being sleeping next to you-for seven years no less- then I'd say that you're something of a success. Plenty of us in this forum have given up on dating (myself included) because it's just too challenging and painful. How does your SO feel about where you both are now? Perhaps she's content because she's more focused on the WHO instead of the less significant WHAT.

Years ago I watched the PBS program "Affluenza" where a psychologist broke down the elements of human happiness into three categories: Creative self expression (art/ volunteerism/ hobbies), contact with friends and family, and contact with nature. What about the third category? Do you have regular contact with the natural world? If not, how about hiking on the weekends, or maybe even a pet?

That's all that initially comes to mind. I also feel like a failure much of the time, and mostly it's due to my awful ADD and milder social anxiety disorder. I'm trying to improve both with diet and exercise, as drugs have always failed me.

I really hope that your spirits lift soon. :hug:

[donheld]

3. Your doctor sounds like a bright lady

I'd like to talk to her. Sometimes i'd like to just walk out of my corporate job and drive a bus or something.

[mrgorth]

4. Great post.

Solid gold, man.:grouphug:

[stepnw1f]

5. Thank You Lorien

You are on my buddy list. I too feel my situation has held me back my whole life. Whenever I had a chance to move ahead, I would sabatoge it. I live with very little now, but I do have people who love me with all my kinks.

Just responding to my post DID make me feel better. Thank you! :pals:

[NMMNG]

2. I'm sorry you are down in the dumps

:hug:

It's good that you stopped drinking. From what you described you did not have your drinking under control and it was harmful.

Seeing yourself as flawed and a "f*ckup" is part of the depression, as you probably know. One of the problems of depression is that the mind emphasizes the mistakes and perceived inadequacies people have, and minimizes their good qualities. A sort of snowball effect occurs, and the sufferer ends up feeling progressively worse over time.

You might find talking to a counselor helpful. There are many different types of therapy to choose from so it's likely you and a therapist can find one to suit your tastes and needs. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for one, has proven very helpful for both depression and anxiety.

In the meantime, vent all you need to. That's what we are here for. :hi:

[stepnw1f]

6. Thank You

I curently do therapy once every two weeks. It does help me alot. The person I see is great. She's a liberal too...

You pegged me exactly. I see gray instead of color. SOmetimes I see the good, but most of the time I focus on the negative. I'm trying... thank you again.

[Pharaoh]

7. If it's any consolation

I would so much love to have one of those angelic beings sleeping next to me at night,

I have Fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue/depression and I know those deep depressive episodes(like everything else) are cyclical and that this too shall pass,

Focus on the positive, that angelic being is a positive!

[stepnw1f]

8. Thank You Pharaoh

I hope you feel better. Hopefully you too get an angel.