update.. no hospital

[undergroundpanther]

I 'm not going to the hospital..
My therapist said they could not admit me unless I made a suicide attempt or a "gesture".(middle finger don't count apparently,but my therapist thought it was funny)I told him well should I 'fake' it? I hate doing that,because it's so dishonest,it's silly to have to play up the suicide card to get help. I'd rather just be in there for med help and people to talk to.He said they don't admit for just that anymore. I said..Damnit.Shit in the late 80's if I made a JOKE about suicide they'd lock me up for two months..

So my psych wrote me a scrip.. I'm taking valium for a few days now.
I got good sleep last night and I'm not startling and stuff as much.
Damn it makes me tired and a little loopy tho. It was beautiful weather out here I thought of going for a walk but too tired to get off my ass to go sit on the porch in the sun with my cats.Boy that's pathetic ain't it? I don't like how valium effects me all that much,but at least there is a definate reduction in the panic shit and sensation of sailing in the air every time I lay down to rest and close my eyes is gone.So that's good.I see my psych friday.I hope he gets me off this stuff by than.

On the other hand..maybe it's a good thing I'm out of it a little right now and my mental state feels blurry.That means I don't have the energy or 'focus' to stress out and get more pissed off about my situation and spin my wheels over it endlessly with no one to talk to,or should I say,cry to. I actually did some art today,I haven't done shit in a week almost. But I'll be glad when I am off this stuff.I'll be even more glad when my situation gets better,I talk to my therapist and psych, and I figure out what I'm gonna do about it and get a plan started..

[NMMNG]

1. Yes

Thanks to our lovely health care system you have to be in imminent danger to get any help nowadays. They don't even consider being on the verge of a nervous breakdown significant anymore. If you aren't a clear and present danger to yourself or others it's "suffer baby". Sadly the fact that people can't get needed help during the earlier stages basically pushes some into crises. :-(


I'm hoping things will stabilize for you at least until you can get together with your therapist/psych again to figure out a plan. Take it easy. :hug:

[undergroundpanther]

2. Don't worry,

I'm taking it easy whether I want to or not..at least I ain't drooling down my shirt on this valium shit....I absofuckinglutely draw the line there.. I'm definitely over medicated when the drooling starts...*smirk *
But dang I feel like I should be drooling... Duuuhhh.. Panther..slowly smacks forehead ..with trackball mouse...than sets off a dizzy spell.. says ow that hurt.. 4.3 minutes later..than asks who smacked my head?..oh never mind.yawn.chin on keyboard..cat looking at me like I got two heads staring down from the upper shelf of my computer desk..oh,hi Sparkle..I scritch the monitor screen .Sparkle rolls his azure eyes.

I guess this gives you a good idea where my heads at.
I'm surprised I can type.LOL

Thanks..

[Pharaoh]

3. Damn Valium!

Can I have some?:party:

Got to watch that stuff though, highly addicting and mass panic attacks getting off it,,,,,taper it down slowly.:toast:

[mdmc]

4. If you went to the hospital

could you still post here?
I hope you are able to make it without the hospital.

I'm pullin for ya!
peace!

[Droopy]

5. Nope

No computer at the hospital and you are not allowed to have a lap top on a psych ward.

[undergroundpanther]

6. Can't fart in the psych ward either..

Staff says farting out loud is disruptive to therapy ( causes irrational laughter and bathroom humor to erupt on the unit) and if it goes too far it stinks up the Milieu .LOL. (I say,aim it at the nurses station than)
( Uptight Psych ward staff tend to HATE me and I looove that they hate me too .. it's mutual 'cause I be professional pain in the ass to authoritarians and I am and proud of it.)

Hi Droopy..Puurrrs,I'll write more to ya later . My in box got a whole lotta stuff going on and I found your letter yesterday in the pile. While that was going on,I was running away for a few days,and I have been online sporadically but now I back to a more reasonable schedule ..and things have settled down a bit,God,you do not know how tough these past weeks have been.


To droopy,AND everyone else here.. I'm off the valium now.. YaaaY!
I can function again!
I still get nightmares but no more panic attacks..I just wake up and turn the light on until the creepy feeling fades away and I go back to sleep.I can cope with that. I still can't wear the Cpap mask yet because it brings back the panic attacks.So,I'm off the machine until it subsides. I think I'll be ok now.

Oh and one last GOOD thing.. if my insurance OK's it, I can get my tonsils out and get a procedure done in my throat to stop the sleep apnea. He said getting my tonsils out will halt the repeated throat infections I get all the time(I look at someone with a sore throat I get it) and stop the repeated swelling in my throat from the infections that makes my throat swell so my esophagus scrapes against the bone spurs on my spine which could make everything worse.. bone spurs can wear through an esophagus over time .. and having an infected swollen throat wears it down faster,'cause less room in the neck to swallow.And people constantly swallow if it isn't food or drink you swallow spit,it's a constant thing like blinking.


My ENT said I am a very good candidate fort this apnea surgery because I am in the early moderate stage of Apnea..So he thinks surgery will cure my apnea,A very good chance of total cure!!!! So I won't have to have the Cpap forever!!I thought I'd have to use this thing for the rest of my days! So I'm crossing my paws hoping I get approved for this.The bad side is the surgery will hurt like shit,He warned me..It's different when you are an adult getting tonsils out and the older I get the worse all of this will be..So in other words get it done sooner rather than later, expect pain,lots of it.For a month maybe longer.. Yeech.

Oh well a month or even 3 months of pain is better than getting a throat infection that hurts like shit every 2 or 3 months,and getting shots,and sleeping in scuba gear for the rest of my life.

Oh well I hope they give me good pain killers,and maybe some shit to help me sleep so the time when it is in the worst pain passes fast.

[hedgehog]

7. You may find a lot of other problems get resolved.

I was reading recently that tonsillectomies turn out to cure a lot of apparent ADHD. It turns out that these particular kids just weren't getting any sleep and that's why they were acting out. Once you get a good night's sleep on a regular basis, you should start feeling a lot better. Here's hoping!