Living with mental illness

[Droopy]

http://www.kuro5hin.org/story/2003/4/11/4127/09278#schizoaffective

This is a guy who has the same illness that I have, schizoaffective diorder, but he has some interesting things to say about the most common mental illnesses as people with schizoaffective disorder experience many aspects of them as a part of their illness. Here is something he has to say about depression:

"Some people object to taking psychiatric medications - I did until it became clear I would not survive without them, and even for some years afterwards I wouldn't take them when I was feeling well. One reason people resist taking antidepressants is that they feel they would rather be depressed than to experience artificial happiness from a drug. But that's really not what's happening when you take antidepressants. Being depressed is as much a delusional state as believing oneself to be the Emperor of France. You may be quite surprised to hear that and I was too the first time I read a psychologist's statement that his patient sufferred from the delusion that life was not worth living. But depressive thought really is delusional.

It's not clear what the ultimate cause of depression is, but its physiological effect is a shortage of neurotransmitters in the nerve synapses. This makes it difficult for nerve signals to be transmitted and has a dampening effect on much of your brain activity. Antidepressants increase the concentration of neurotransmitters back up to their normal levels so that nerve impulses can propagate successfully. What you experience when taking antidepressants is much closer to reality than what you experience while depressed."

[jdots]

1. Very true

i know that even if there was no war,hunger ,ignorance,racism,greed and all the bad shit i would still take my meds because they help.It's hard now in this world and everything seems to be getting worse but there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself so you don't freak out everyone around you ( who are a bunch of shallow dip shits anyhow ha-ha ) seriousy do it for them and you. the funny farm ain't that funny .

[DemExpat]

2. I disagree with some of this....

It's not clear what the ultimate cause of depression is, but its physiological effect is a shortage of neurotransmitters in the nerve synapses. This makes it difficult for nerve signals to be transmitted and has a dampening effect on much of your brain activity. Antidepressants increase the concentration of neurotransmitters back up to their normal levels so that nerve impulses can propagate successfully. What you experience when taking antidepressants is much closer to reality than what you experience while depressed."

Because I feel society really is kinda fucked and hard for many to emotionally deal with,(and the number is explosively growing imo) so THAT is reality, and hurting from it is reality too. I felt calmer and less-affected by the world when I took meds, but I in no way felt real and natural, no way felt my SELF in the way in which I so wanted to. I also could not accept that medication took away very important (to me) parts of my feeling world that I did NOT want to live without....:-(

Agreed that depression's effect is a shortage of something in the brain and nerves, but I personally feel long-term healing from depression is gained more by re-balancing this with learning to deal with emotions and realities and learning how to change one's thinking about things.

It is a very interesting topic in itself, what mental illness IS, or is NOT....

DemEx

[kimchi]

3. I disagree to a certain degree...

;-)

I understand the taking away of self perfectly. Once I was on Paxil and I was even all the time - BUT - I wasn't ME. I had fewer emotions--it took away the downs but it took away the ups too. Not wanting sex was the least of my worries. I stopped creating and singing and even caring about everything outside my realm. From childhood on at least I would create something from my misery. I was just "sensitive" and "moody".

So I tapered off and went back to the bouts of depression. And by being conscious of my moods in that moment; meditating; keeping busy; being artistic; and drowning out the negative voices with positive affirmations--what wasn't lessened was (I thought) well hidden.

It occurred to me around the time I started to really look pregnant that I hadn't been seriously depressed in months. A few months after giving birth I slowly started freaking out again. I refused drugs when breastfeeding but I finally weaned her earlier than I wanted and started taking Wellbutrin, which doesn't make me feel unreal. I had to do it so she would have a functioning mother instead of Sybil.

I've been reading this forum and I'm really amazed at what you have done for your own mental health. In a way I'm glad that being pregnant proved to me that it WAS chemical; in another way I wish I could have worked harder on more natural remedies. I just don't know. I guess I see both sides of it. I'll hedge my bets and guess that society serves to exacerbate an existing predisposition. I know mind over matter works and miracles exist; but I also know some people "smell" numbers and some hear voices and sometimes therapy can't change how the brain works. So I am completely and unequivocally ambivalent about the nature of mental illness.B-)

Oh - and thanks for the therapy!

[DemExpat]

4. I also see both sides, kimchi,

In a way I'm glad that being pregnant proved to me that it WAS chemical; in another way I wish I could have worked harder on more natural remedies. I just don't know. I guess I see both sides of it. I'll hedge my bets and guess that society serves to exacerbate an existing predisposition. I know mind over matter works and miracles exist; but I also know some people "smell" numbers and some hear voices and sometimes therapy can't change how the brain works. So I am completely and unequivocally ambivalent about the nature of mental illness.


.....have experienced them both extensively, and have personally chosen for the path I am on, and please don't think that I now have no mental health problems whatsoever anymore....I do. But the debilitating symptoms I have worked through and found solutions for myself - acceptance, herbs, food choices, homeopathy, talking to a counsellor when I did not see a way out...etc. And have reached a good and liveable balance to lead a satisfying and fun (for me!) life.

The meds that I took made me feel too unnatural, too dependent on the medical world and its "experts" (so many had conflicting diagnoses and treatments - which one was the real expert?), and not myself - and I was more afraid of holding my real self and feelings from my children than having them live with an overly-sensitive Mom. This almost certainly stems from the personal history I had with my Mom who took tranquilizers most of her life and turned to heavy drinking later on...:-(

I think it is interesting to share experiences and discuss some of the aspects of what mental illness, suffering, imbalance really is.
I think it is so much more complex than the medical world, and especially the pharmaceutical industry (!) seem to present it as being!
Environmental, sociological, spiritual, childhood developmental, diet, exercise, genetics, etc. so many factors play into mental health, don't you think?

I am not convinced that many problems now being treated with medications are simply chemical imbalances that can be restored with meds. Some certainly are, and some can be restored through other means without side-effects or dampening of the spirit.

I know what you mean about post-partum depression....:hug:
And I am happy for you that you found the help that enables you to be the Mom you want and need to be for your child. The last thing a child needs is a totally unpredictable parent....:-(

:hi:

DemEx

[kimchi]

5. Speaking of your mom..we haven't even touched on genetics...

From my own experience I have seen mental issues run in families, which on the surface would argue for a genetic cause. Again, environment can add to that and of course in some cases causes it.

Are my adoptive sisters' problems inherited from my adoptive mother, or merely a reaction to her mental state? Is my neighbor on meds because her schizophrenic mother passed on those genes, or from the stress of dealing with her mother for years? Was drinking my birth mother's way of self-medicating her depression? In all these cases I see genetics being dominant over environment. What makes me more sure is that both of my real sisters have the same problem--and I was reared apart from them.

I completely agree that meds are over prescribed. If you even mention depression they throw drugs at you. That is why I refused them; knowing they were being pushed and also feeling ashamed for taking them. There IS a complex melange of issues that play into mental health. I would like to see doctors send patients to a mental health professional first instead of saying "Take this pill". Of course that trend can't happen until we break the pharmaceutical stranglehold on them. I do think we've made great strides in mental health in the last 20 years so I am hopeful we can find a balance between the prior shame and the present overmedication.

I'm glad you have found the right balance also. And I'm not completely cured with drugs, either; but I am just so thankful to live a relatively "normal" life. And big props to Mr. Chi who hangs with me through it all. Support makes all the difference.

Health and happiness to you!
Kim

[DemExpat]

6. Nature/nurture - both count imo.

Are my adoptive sisters' problems inherited from my adoptive mother, or merely a reaction to her mental state? Is my neighbor on meds because her schizophrenic mother passed on those genes, or from the stress of dealing with her mother for years? Was drinking my birth mother's way of self-medicating her depression? In all these cases I see genetics being dominant over environment. What makes me more sure is that both of my real sisters have the same problem--and I was reared apart from them.

This only goes to show me that nature/nurture are equally important.
That your sisters have the same problem is not surprising, and shows that genetics pass on sensitivities.
But this itself does not necessarily equate into a "medication necessary" treatment, imo, if that is what you are implying - that genetic inheritance means chemical imbalance = medication needed for restoration.....

Many family histories of anxiety/depression/personality disorders etc. generation after miserable generation can only be broken when somebody breaks the pattern of how they react to/learn to handle the stresses imo. Some would argue that medication takes care of ending this pattern, but I am not convinced yet of this because of my negative experiences with drugs.

My 22 year old daughter has shown a sensitivity to anxiety as is widespread in my family, and so far I have been able to support her and guide her to deal with it without resorting to any kind of drug or self-medication like drinking/smoking, and I am so hoping that this will break the cycle of downward spiralling into very negative patterns and emotional states for her and her children.

For this is how I see it at this point in my life.

Health and happiness to you and your dear family too, kimchi!
Support is vital.
:hug:

DemEx

[yardwork]

7. Anti-depressants have worked well for me - I agree with this essay

I resisted getting help for decades. When I was at my worst I finally looked up a social worker in the yellow pages and told her I had "mild anxiety." I couldn't sleep at night! Ever! I had back-to-back panic attacks on a daily basis and couldn't sleep and had heartburn all the time and I wondered if it was serious enough for me to seek care.

Unfortunately, that social worker didn't help much. She didn't refer me to a psychiatrist for any medical treatment, and she kept suggesting that my SO was the problem. He was the only person keeping me alive at that point - she was totally off-base.

Another decade went by before I sought help again, and this time only because I was worried about my children. Even after I found a good psychiatrist I didn't trust her, didn't want to take meds, wouldn't fill my prescriptions, etc. etc.

Looking back on this now I realize that this incredible denial was a symptom of my illness. I take Paxil now and I do feel myself.

Everyone is different, with a different array of symptoms, and different solutions. If one solution isn't working, then try another one. If I had stayed with that first bad therapist I would have gotten much worse.

[mdmc]

8. kick