So, what are folks doing this year to enjoy/manage/survive the holdays?

[EFerrari]

I still seem to be cycling through a bunch of feelings and viewpoints -- sort of like emotional roulette or trying to find one or some that feel right, that work for the moment or moments. Just before this holiday, I found a lawyer and am filing for a legal separation and other unpleasant stuff. I think that went okay even if it all still feels a little unreal. Doug is MIA and I expect him to stay that way.

My brother had me and my mom over for dinner Thursday. He got the better end of the deal because we did most of the cooking but he did pitch in, and that was cool because he also had to work this weekend.

My sons blew the meal off and that was sort of surprising. I hope they're okay and that they will check in. Damn the DNA in this family and the sensitivity but I guess we can live without neither.

I myself was going to blow off the whole season as more than I could handle but found that wasn't really necessary and actually enjoyed having a quiet meal with my mom and my bro. Can't remember the last time we've had one. It was nice to be able to just see them for a few hours in a row without distraction.

But, there are still these pretty awful waves of loss that wash over me, so pleaee don't be surprised if I show up here weepy in an hour, okay?

Anyway. I don't have much of a plan here. I think I probably should come up with a schedule to see my nieces over Christmas to avoid having something sprung on me. I need to make a list of the neighbors I could check in on, hand a card to. Still considering the cookie option -- I used to LOVE baking different kinds of cookies and taking a few plates of them to friends in the 'hood. Once my friend Laurie said, "Beth, this isn't baking, this is art!" - which may be why she was my best friend. lol

For New Years, I dunno. I'm not much of a drinker any more and would rather read DU than stay up late and out somewhere. No plan. Maybe this is a good week to make one -- to put something fun in that day, anyway, instead of letting it creep up on me.

That's as far as I've gotten. :shrug:

[KennedyGuy]

1. The first thing I am doing..

is staying away from my family of origin. i used to have a very hard time with this because I used to feel as though it was my responsibility to be with "family" over the holidays. They are all still active however, so for the past couple of years I have just avoided them completly whenever they are drinking.
Having said that..there are still times when I feel a sense of loss..of wishing that things were different. It comes and it goes though. I think I finally realized that no matter how hard I try, I am just not going to have the childhood that i wish that i had and that its time to go forward and try to crerate the adulthood that I deserve.
On the positive side however, both my partner and I have sober anniversarys in December..which is always something to celebrate and be grateful for.
I realize at the onset of the holiday season, that i an going to be especially vulnerable to the onset of some of my more depressive moods. When they come, I try to just accept them as they are, realize that they will pass..and most importantly for me, to realize that it is perfectly OK to feel this way and to be gentle with myself until it passes.
One day at a time...sometimes one hour at a time.

[EFerrari]

3. One moment at a time -- whatever works.

A friend once told me that my family wasn't only my birth family but also people I lucked into.

Cheers, KennedyGuy.

:hug:

[mopinko]

2. you beat me to it.

i was wondering how folks are doing with the holidays.
we had a great thanksgiving. no drama. it has really been kinda miraculous around here. hubby continues to sleep well, think straight and be the great guy i always knew was in there under that grump. shit still crops up, but we can talk about it, and work it out. he learned a lot from his therapy, and now sees how stuffing down your feelings can fester. i am amazed and proud of his growth. the only thing still really bothering me is the fact that our kids had to grow up with so much bs and dysfunction. i can't help wondering what they would be like without it. a useless endeavor, i know.
i am soaking up the peace now, tho. they are all a lot better. especially my bp daughter, who does not have all that subterranean angst to feed on. she still refuses meds, but mostly is functioning pretty well. and when she doesn't, nobody freaks out.

so, holidays- thanksgiving we do, just the 7 of us. we have done that for quite a while. my extended family is full of b.s. several bp's, a few drunks, addicts, and a couple of sleep disorders. amazingly, still a lot of fun, and love. but i can only do it when i am feeling strong and healthy. when my fibro has me run down, i just can't take it.
since my mom passed a few years ago the extended family stuff has moved to a different day than the 25th. we have ducked most of that stuff, starting with the year that bp kid was in the psych ward for most of december. the real low point of my life, i think. i was so wiped out. i couldn't move. i couldn't find the words to call and tell them that we weren't coming. we just didn't show up.
don't know what they are up to this year, but i feel like i might be able to make it. i may even do some cookies. they have been a huge production in the past, and the focus of much power struggle. last year i took a vote, and NO ONE wanted anything to do with it. but things are so much better. my angel baby child asked to please do some, she would help. i think i will try to do a shorter line up- i used to do over a dozen kinds, plus 4-5 kinds of fudge. i'll let whoever will help pick a favorite. i'll try not to go nuts. but i do love them.

new years- i can barely stay up. we had some dear friends who had a new years party every year for 30 years, but they finally gave up. if things keep going the way they are, we may just have to have the party here. if not, we can just look forward to a better year, instead of more bullshit. that will be enough.


to all of you who are dreading the holidays, i will say that when i just couldn't stand the crap, i didn't go. i thought the world might end. but it didn't. i don't have to depend on my family members for anything, so maybe i am lucky that way. but it actually did a lot for me to refuse to stand in line for a shower of bullshit.

take care all.

[EFerrari]

4. my dear mopinko

I just found out, the world doesn't end.

:rofl:

You love yourself up really good this holiday season.

My family is also very colorful (grin) and I just ordered up some flowers for Doug's mom's birthday because I know it will be her only present. And she will call him and she will complain and he may feel frightened for a minute but on balance, she will enjoy the roses.

lol

What a pack of trouble we are. For the roses.

:hug:

:grouphug:

[mrgorth]

5. I am measuring the holidays I provide for myself and my kids

against those that were provided for me as a child. We had big family Thanksgivings with lots of banter. We would have a Christmas part the Sat. before Christmas with the whole family and then Christmas day as a nuclear family. My ex and I get to shuttle our kids around and make sure everyone has some time. My T-giving was just me, my brother and my parents, and that's not the end of the world. They're nice and we get along. The whole thing just seems like such a corruption of what I had as a child. If you can't tell, I'm very hard on myself.

[EFerrari]

6. Well, mrgorth, "corruption" is a very strong word.

:)

I noticed with you that the world didn't end on Thanksgiving. That was a pleasant surprise.

Maybe it won't end again in December, the land of the thousand birthdays and holidays.

In a more serious vein, I did find out that one of my neighbors passed away on Thanksgiving. He was the sweetest man in the world and he was younger than I am. It was upsetting to hear this news. The whole neighborhood misses him. Peace, my friend, the world is a little dimmer without you.

I'll be happy when this year is over. And iirc, I wind up saying that every November. :shrug:

[mopinko]

7. silly me. i thought my childhood was some kinda yardstick,

too. i figured if i did better than that, i could pat myself on the back. but they keep moving the goal posts for parents, it seems.
my kids have the life. i wish i had some relative with a farm where i could ship them to see what it means to work. marshmallows. but to hear them tell it, they are absolutley oppressed.
give yourself a break, tho. look around you now. compare yourself to parents today. it is a different world. i still hear the voice of june cleaver in the back of my head. but i know how many hungry children are living in cars, as well. i always tried to place myself on a bigger continuum than just soccer moms.
kids are dying out there. we are doing a good job. and i bet they are good kids. reach around. give yourself a pat.

[hunter]

8. My wife conspired with my doctor...

... and we all got together and agreed to change my meds.

I have very good reason to suspect it would have been a pretty rotten Christmas if we hadn't. It was getting so I couldn't stand to be around people, but now is probably not a good time to load up my truck with water jugs and wander around the desert looking at rocks waiting for God to smack some sense into me.

So far so good! :thumbsup:

[EFerrari]

9. Good to hear. It's nice when conspiracies work out well!

lol

:toast:

[mopinko]

10. so glad it worked out

it's good your doc is willing to conspire with your wife. so many are not. so many families end up in a knot.

:thumbsup:

[hedgehog]

11. I start out by watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

and Bill Murray's Scrooged. It helps put the entire season into the proper context.

[EFerrari]

12. That whole stapling thing -- I have to look away every time.

:rofl:

Not a bad plan. We could make list of good Holiday videos for the forum. I'll start:

White Christmas (because getting into bed with someone while singing at the top of your lungs should be THE goal of any holiday season. Actually, when my kids were young and we scraped to get my hubby a pint of beer for his Saturday night, I'd find myself at the sewing machine at 4 in the morning every year, stitching a car cover for a third cousin and I'd realize that the teevee was on and so was "White Christmas". lol)

[etherealtruth]

13. I really don't know

[EFerrari]

14. Hi there, etherealtruth. December is full of anniversaries in our family.

It's not the kind of month that should be taken lightly, lol. There's someone's birthday just about every other day plus the War of Christmas. Sometimes I wish we had the hibernation option. :)