Anyone a sexual abuse survivor or victim ?

[jdots]

The strangest part of it is how it hits you around forty.I grew up near a famous Cathlic school in Mass. where all these guys I knew that went there as kids all of a sudden remembered how this one priest used to do abuse them.It was big news,made t.v. and the whole thing came out of the closet,then the rebuttal with the fake memories books came out to add to the confusion.Now it's out in the open people atleast have each other to help deal with it all.what they have found out is that alot of males that were sexually abused by thier mothers never come to terms with it,kind of a macho thing,so the the stats for men being abused by women have always been low.All it takes sometimes to figure it out is a crappy mid life crisis,which really sucks because you are dealing with everything else mid life tosses at you.
so far I haven't found any support for men abused by thier moms because face it who the hell wants to remember this stuff ?It really does a job on you so I am really up front with it,not that i tell the the guy at the gas staiton or anything but I gotta deal with it.My sister was so blown away by the whole thing that at the age of 53,she tells me she wants a sex change......well it's along storry from there on in.Wow I am pretty normal ,thats why I brought it up,sure doesn't help keeping it in.

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

1. A couple of things.

I was raped and severely beaten up by a stranger. The police never caught the bastard (and when you have three generations of men in your family in law enforcement, trust me, they try VERY DAMN HARD to find the offender in something like that.)

It completely changed my entire life. I had been living on my own for just a little while, and I was so terrified and traumatized that for the first four months after it happened, while I was in heavy therapy for PTSD and my physical wounds were still healing, one or more of my brothers checked on me, in person, at least twice a day. For the first couple of weeks, one of them would sit by my bed and hold my hand until I fell asleep. That sounds pretty pathetic -- I was 22 years old, for heaven's sake -- but I am just grateful that I have the kind of men in my family who would do something like that.

Much therapy, lots and lots of TLC and hugs from my family, and the decade that has passed have all brought me a tremendous amount of healing. I'm very careful about going anywhere alone after dark, but that's smart anyway.

I say all that so that anyone who reads what I'm going to say next will know that I'm not implying that being a survivor or victim (and, while I choose the term "survivor," I understand why some people use "victim") is a shameful thing AT ALL. I have the utmost respect for all survivors and victims. Among my closest friends, the national statistics hold true - over a third went through this kind of thing at home. It's horrifying.

But I really don't think this is a good place to discuss such things.

Sexual abuse - particularly of the childhood variety, and doubly so when it's perpetrated by a family member - is a very, very, very serious thing. Being vulnerable and open about it is hard under the best of circumstances.

Well folks, whether we like it or not, our political enemies monitor DU closely. There are DU-mockery sites that watch this forum, among others, for the sole purpose of vicious, inhuman, barbaric savagery of those who dare to have differing opinions and discuss them in a forum for like-minded people. I am very concerned that if this thread gets very personal, these sadistic, vicious bullies will post things that could set someone's recovery back badly. They are fond of posting and/or linking to any personal information they can find, as well, which has the potential of destroying one of the benefits of exchanging ideas on a message board: the safety of anonymity.

So....my suggestion is that we don't go there here.

My two galleons,

Gryffindor

[Droopy]

2. In my opinion

People who mock others for being mentally ill or victims of sexual abuse are sick, too. Perhaps sicker than anybody who would post here because they have no conscience. They are sociopaths.

Personally I'm very open about my illness and I don't care if other people think negatively of me for it. Well actually I want to be an example of what can be accomplished by a mentally ill person, so I do care if people think a certain way about me, but I'm not going to let that change what I'm doing.

But I can understand why people would not want to be open about mental illness and especially sexual abuse or rape. The idea behind this little subforum is mainly to be a place where people can talk about and get support for mental illness. But it has the added feature that those who are reading who have not been touched by mental illness can gain insight and hoepfully understanding for what it's like to be mentally ill.

I guess in the end, you should only talk about what you feel comfortable talking about here. Use your own judgement and consider the fact that there are people who watch this board who are not friendly.

[DemExpat]

5. I agree with all that you say here, Droopy...

especially about those who show derision for mental health problems as sociopaths....:puke:

I also do not care what others might or might not pick up from this group, or what they think about what I post, and it is up to each poster to be open to share or to keep private - whatever one feels like doing.

Good post! :thumbsup:

DemEx

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

6. Why does everyone think I care about what they think??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I am just urging caution. I have seen friends' recoveries be set back by YEARS by the inappropriate disclosure of the incest/abuse. They told a friend who told a friend who told a friend and soon it was all over the place that So-and-So's brother made her fellate him after school.

I don't think it's a matter of caring what the vicious sadists on the DU-watch sites think. I think it's a matter of self-protection. Do you not think that some of them would love to wreak such havoc by piecing together bits of information until they figure out who or where someone lives who's made a disclosure of such information? We've already had a DUer get fired because these sadists called his boss.

I am not saying we should care what these people think - and I am more than a little distressed that that seems to be what everyone got from what I said - I am just urging that people be self-protective.

Jesus, is that such a terrible thing?

[Droopy]

8. What I got out of your post was that

People should be careful about what they disclose here.

Along that same line of thinking is worrying about being mocked for being mentally ill. It's not the same as worrying about being harrassed by people because you are a victim of sexual abuse. It wasn't something I took from your post, I just expanded on the idea that people are watching who are not friendly and may make hurtful statements about you.

If you keep certain information to yourself, nobody will find out who you are. I might talk about a lot of personal things, but I don't tell people my real name, where I work, my telephone number, and my home address.

[DemExpat]

9. Urging caution for self-protection is good - thanks for pointing this out.

Sorry if I gave the impression that I thought you were merely worried about what others think. :-(

edit:Some people advise against talking about any personal issues whatsoever on Internet. (My husband, for one)

:hi:

DemEx

[Gryffindor_Bookworm]

10. I understand what your husband is saying.

I think some things are fine to talk about, even some things, like mental illnesses, that the sadists think we should consider "dirty laundry" (their threads about us in this particular forum are completely 17th-century - remember when they locked the mentally ill away in dungeons?).

I have just been concerned because "I have bipolar disorder and take Lamictil" is a legally protected thing, and who really cares anyway? Everyone has a relative or friend who's bipolar. "My mother (or father or brother or sister) raped me from an early age" is not a legally protected status and the disclosure of it can ruin a life far faster than the disclosure of an illness. :-(

Anyway, sorry I got all defensive. It's good to see a mod here. :)

[DemExpat]

11. My response to Droopy's post was written more out of

my outrage at the sociopaths than from being concerned about the actual, real harm that they can bring about...again, apologies for seeming to be so insensitive to the possible further ruin of people's lives.

:hi:

DemEx

[Droopy]

12. Sorry for the mix up, Bookworm

Sometimes I tend to go off on a tangent when I get an idea in my head. You'll probably see me do it again. Never mind me, I just like to talk about ideas I get sometimes even though they might not be closely related to the subject at hand.

[jdots]

7. I do agree about the watchers out there

They are some sick-o-s and would get a kick out of delving into someone's personal stuff.At the same time a few of them might just feel something since thier camp is very abusive.
Since part of my nuttieness may be that I don't give a shit about being an open book you have a valid point G- Bookworm.
I gotta tell you about something odd though,you can google my name and get my phone number .I even posted my adress and a map of how to get to my place.One guy that was flaming everyone on an art site got an email from me that said I would even meet him anywhere so we could talk,and we talked for 2 hours on the phone,it was great
I am so sorry about the rape,I had a room mate once that had been raped 3 times 3 TIMES ! un real and she was dealing with it.those were kind of date rapes from college in the 60s when frat boys thought NO meant yes. getting stuff in the open kind of works,not allways but it might help.
Be brave through it all,its the only choice we have.

[Chimpanzee]

14. Very sorry to hear your story.

Don't let the bastard take anything from you! He has diminished himself, but not you.

[Droopy]

3. I witnessed sexual abuse and domestic violence

when I was a little boy. It may be a reason why I have a schizoid personality type. I'm sexually attracted to women, but I have no interest in having a relationship with one. I prefer to be alone most of the time and I have some difficulty in social situations. When somebody is challenging me in some way I feel powerless to do anything about it. I freeze up just like I did when I was witnessing those horrible events in my childhood. If I have time to think about what I want to say, like on a message board, I'm generally ok. But in real life there often is no time to think and that is when I run into difficulty.

I've gotten better with the use of medication. I used to be emotionally cold, too, and that has passed. Now if somebody wants to talk to me I'm generally warm and open. But I'm rarely one to initiate a conversation beyond saying, "Hey, how ya doing," to someone.

[Deja Q]

4. I am...

I had been molested (at least fondled at every opportunity) by my PE teacher.

I had been emotionally and later directly sexually assaulted in the church I had attended.

For me, it's all in the past and that's where it's got to stay.

[Kire]

13. support for men abused by Mom?

Victims No Longer (Second Edition) : The Classic Guide for Men ecovering from Sexual Child Abuse
by Mike Lew

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/006053026X/qid=1103614643/sr=1-2/ref=sr_1_2/102-1649409-1076914?v=glance&s=books

I went to a retreat in Pennsylvania three times that Mike Lew runs for male survivors. He is an amazing cat, and his books are considered absolute classics in the field.

Here is another one:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/155643345X/ref=pd_sim_b_2/102-1649409-1076914?%5Fencoding=UTF8&v=glance

Male Survivor is an organization that does a lot, especially through their web site. They have a forum, a therapist finder (which I used when I moved to Pennsylvania for a year, and was not disappointed) and a ton of articles and other resources that are designed to help.

Here's the URL:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/

There is a ton of information having to do with Mom, Dad, strangers, siblings, other relatives, babysitters, neighbors, and whatever else might suit your personal situation.

I hope it helps.

[jdots]

15. wow thank you

had the misfortune of going to a group here in la-la land that was wierder than taking acid and going to the drag races,I am sure there are some good ones,that one being alittle too wierd even for me.

[rasputin1952]

16. Couple of things here, if you don't mind...

First off...I have been privledged to be here, and am amazed at the support found here for each other...:) If more people acted like the people in this Forum...this would be a better world!

As for those that lurk and find some sort of perverse pleasure in seeing others that are in pain and suffering, or questioning certain aspects of their lives...I have nothing but scorn for those misanthropes. They truly are a semi-human aspect of this species...:grr:

It should be known, that I have become a minor celebrity on one of the RW sites because I have have requested to be a Mod in this Forum again. When this Forum first came into being, it attracted some of those misanthropes, you know the kind; low pronounced brow, eyes set about 5 inces apart and very dull in appearance, spittle forming at the cormers of the mouth, sweat on the brow from the slightest physical movement...you get the picture...:evilgrin:

So, in posting this, I am also posting to those who would find pleasure in being part of a sick and foolish game. Somewhere down the line, they will grab this post and place it on their site, so I get to sit here and call themn cowards and the worst examples of humanity that can be imagined...:)

I just wonder how many of them beat their children, molest others and move on to further into the darkness of their own creation? But I won't dwell on it...I find far too much compassion and understanding in this Forum from all of you. I see a strength they will never know, they are cowards and weak. Perhaps, sometime in the future, they may realize just how pathetic they really are, but I don't hold much hope on that notion; you need more than two firing synapses to figure out you are a fool..and that won't happen with those that would try and get a giggle at your expense...:)

Be yourselves, and discuss what you are comfortable with...DemExPat and I will fend off the wolves as best we can.....:)

With deepest respect for all of you, Thank You for allowing me to be a Mod in this Forum...:D

[jdots]

17. Thank you

there was some concern about the subject of sexual abuse and freepers using it for thier kicks.I personally don't care if they print my life story in thier hate rags becasue i have nothing to hide and can't stop them from thier goal of becoming tape worms and parasites.

[Kire]

18. sometimes Freepers threaten to rape Dems on their message boards

they say things like bend over, and spread your cheeks and stuff like that, but they really into it sometimes, obviously enjoying it like the good sex offenders they are - and I have to admit, that it affects me as a survivor. It brings up a lot of shit in my head, what about you?