Just a humble rant.

[MinneapolisMatt]

Hey everybody,

I frequent this forum often, but hardly post.

I consider my story a success. I have depersonalization disorder, and exactly one year ago today I was faced with either ending my life, or giving myself one more chance to get better. After a 10 year battle with no help, I felt pretty much like a lost cause. But lo and behold, I found a pdoc who clicked with me and set me on the right path with proper meds and talk therapy. I owe my life to him, and I'm so glad I'm still here.

After seeing the Vtech shit, god...I just feel like I can identify with the shooter on so many levels, yet I never would have done something like that, even in my worse moments. I was tormented, teased, bullied and beat up as a kid, so I understand the rage...but I just can't imagine how you click over into that other realm of behavior. Why? How? What does it mean?

It just makes me want to reach out to others who are struggling even more, and say "YES! There is hope! You can deal with your illness. There are so many people who love you!"

And it's true. I am so lucky to be here, and it's because of the warmth, love, and compassion that people showed me in my darkest times. And thank god for my fucking break down I had in my pdocs office where I exposed my soul, through all the fear, I let it all out. I had to do it to get better.

Anyway, I'm sorry to ramble, but I've read each and every post in this forum, and you guys are all special. We all have a common bond, and though our lives may be SHIT at times, we are still here, and we have to stick it out, because we understand what the hell is going on. Even though our lives may be totally confusing, we have compassion, empathy, and we are painfully aware of what life is all about. And that is a gift.

I'm so proud of you all. Thanks for listening and giving me a safe place to unload. We are all surviving, and we all make a difference. Hang in there. It's worth it.

Matt

[MinneapolisMatt]

1. Gosh...

Sorry for the swear words. I'm a little embarrassed. I just wrote it as it came. I hope I didn't make a complete fool of myself!

Matt :)

[Forkboy]

5. Heh...If you've read more than three of my posts you know swear words are ok with me.

:)

Thanks for an awesome post.I'm glad you found something that worked for you.

[DemExpat]

2. You are always welcome to rant here, MM....

and I too can so identify with the shooter's feelings and state of mind (without the acting out parts, except against myself), but the eternal mystery for me is what makes some people cross the line to act it all out in such a devastating way?

The only thing I can think of is that cries for help are ignored just one time too many,
:cry: :nuke:

So happy to hear that you sought and received such good help Matt,

DemEx

[hunter]

3. It's a miracle when things are working...

Your life is a nightmare, either for you, and/or the people who have to put up with you, and then you wake up.

If you are lucky the mess you made while you were living the nightmare isn't too horrible to clean up, or if it is, you have someone to help you out of it.

[EFerrari]

4. Hi there, Matt

I am also grateful for the posters to this forum. It's nice to know people get it.

:)