The Cho incident fucked me up for about three days

[Droopy]

It's still bothering me. I can't stop writing about it on message boards.

When I first heard of the news I had a good idea of what had happened to Cho to make him commit such a horror. When the video Cho made hit the web and the news I knew it for sure.

For three days I was unable to sleep more than a couple of hours. I could feel the demons of a time past when I was sick crowding in on me. My head felt thick with understanding and depression. I know that all of this may have been avoided if Cho had been given an anti-psychotic when he was hospitalized- and continued to take the medication of course.

At first I sort of blamed the mental health specialists that saw Cho but failed to see his psychosis. Then I talked to a couple of people about it. Some offered the idea that Cho might not have been suffering from psychosis when he was admitted to the hospital. A mental health professional from another board also said that psychosis is not always apparent when a person is suffering from it. Others added that Cho may not have been willing to seek the help that he needed so he kept all of that fucked up shit inside of him.

I don't know how to fix this problem. We need more awareness in the general public about mental illness. That might help some. But how many are out there holding it in like Cho? They may seem a little odd and too quiet, but nobody really knows. They may be loners with a slight criminal history, but nobody can really tell. They could be housewives that seem a little depressed, but how can you commit them just based on that?

That has torn me up. What do you think we could do?

[DemExpat]

1. I am convinced that these atrocities are unavoidable, Droopy,

and that their occurrence will only decrease when societies ever possibly become more conscious and caring of each individual,(community-minded) with less prevalence of guns, warfare, glorified violence, extreme competition, etc. etc. etc.

There are no answers here IMO, because we can't go around suspecting every loner, "different" or eccentric person.

In my perception, it is primarily up to the family/friends to try to be more conscious and attentive to emotional needs and states of family members. But of course if this were the case, there would be less mental stress in the first place, and some people even reject this type of attention and caring......:-(
:hug:

DemEx

[mopinko]

2. it scares me too, droopy. it is so hard.

there seems to be so little understanding out there. even in the medical profession. even among mental health professionals. as someone who has tried to get help for family members, it so often looks like the seeker is the one having problems, while that loved one seems fine, points the finger, and that's that.
people just have to keep fighting to end the stigma. cuz i think, in the end, that is the biggest barrier.
take care of yourself, friend.

[EFerrari]

3. Me, too, Droopy.

It was retraumatizing even at this long distance. Even all the talking heads that kept talking about guns when they could be talking about community mental health upset me. And made me more sure, more determined to get that degree, to get licensed and to work more directly in that field.

I wrote an email to four of Doug's best, most trusted friends about what to expect from a decompensation. But, apparently they believe I'm bitter and negative. There seems to be little awareness out there, even among these very fine people. :(

DemEx is right, imho. And H2O Man's post about Fromm's "Sane Society" resonated for me. We need to build community. That's the only thing I think will help minimize, prevent or contain these terrible incidents.

You did that when you started this forum. :hi:

:hug:
:grouphug:

[Forkboy]

4. I don't think it's affected me at all,which is kind of disturbing in and of itself.

I've only been peripherally interested in the mental health aspect of the conversations,but even that hasn't really made a dent in my psyche.

Part of it is I have enough things on my mind to sink a battleship,and part of it is that I fully expect things like this to happen.I'm actually surprised it doesn't happen a lot more often,to be honest.

I've resigned myself to the fact that America is a very violent nation,and the best I can hope for is to not be nearby when someone goes off.

[Lilith Velkor]

5. It's still fucking me up, a little

When Columbine happened I was a 30-year-old Goth chick, newly sobered up with a cubefarm job and two nice young computer geeks for roommates. All that spring and early summer, kids we knew were getting expelled from schools and kicked out of their parent's houses, and quite a few stayed on our living room floor and played Quake deathmatch with us.

It's funny how the witch-hunt mentality never seems to be classified as a mental illness.

I dunno. I think part of the answer lies in making it less socially acceptable to harass people for being odd, quiet +/or depressed, we are not all cut out to be gameshow hosts and used car salesmen and it's high time a lot of people got over that.

Even if that happens, though, there's no way to control everybody so that nobody ever snaps and kills people. You can do what you can to make life less stressful for everybody, but that's all you can do AFAIK.

[hunter]

6. It was fiercely disturbing to me.

I don't understand the violence, but the disconnected rage and anger, yeah.

And the terror of losing one's grounding and hurting other people or one's self emotionally or physically... anyone who has experienced that and come back to rationality knows it leaves scars that don't go away.

Like you, Droopy, I've attempted to work it out by writing.

I have this overwhelming sense that in my own life I've been very fortunate. Even at my very worst, when I'm utterly incapable of being social, not feeling human, feeling overwhelmingly irritated with all of human society, and being downright mean and nasty to the people who love me, I've always had soft sorts of crash landings. There was always somebody who cared enough about me to foam the runway, talk me down, and get me back to a place where I could function. In most cases the damage could be repaired, the bridges rebuilt.

If I hadn't been that fortunate, I can easily picture myself as a crazy hermit living in the desert somewhere.

It's a constant worry of mine that I could slip back into a place like that and not recognize it. The very worst thing about myself is my ability to pretend to be human even when I'm not feeling human at all. Even when I'm totally out there, a solitary wild thing without any social connections at all, regarding every word that goes through my mind as an unwelcome intruder, I can wear a mask of humanity and pass in most situations.

What makes me different than Cho, I suppose, is that I've never felt trapped in an impossible situation. Even when I was a little kid I was always always making sure I had some means of escape, even if that escape was only in my head. There's always a safe place where nobody can go, even when I'm hurting.

Everybody needs a safe place, preferably in reality and provided with genuine and heartfelt intent by the community, but even something imaginary within a person might do for some people. I think at some point in our childhoods it is extrememly important that we are accepted for who we are so we can construct those places of retreat within our heads.

[CoffeeCat]

7. I understand...

I know how you feel. Watching the entire media circus was really upsetting.

What Cho did was totally horrible and violence is never acceptable. I don't identify
with what Cho did, but I do understand horrible rage and feeling helpless and hopeless.

For several days, I watched media members and blow-dried psychologists attack people for
being "full of rage" and "troubled". Arm-chair psychiatrists psychologically dissected
this guy--and seemed to tear down people for being "lonely", "a loner", "angry", and
having rage. Cho's writing was even held up as horrible and dysfunctional.

Writing and poetry is a very personal process. Many people who write poetry or journal,
are divulging very private, and often intense emotions. Is that considered insane behavior now?
Am I supposed to feel bad because I express rage and intense sorrow in my free association
writing?

I'm processing a great deal of feelings right now from my childhood. I've probably
felt every emotion that Cho has--and then some. I think the media has the duty to
report on Cho's crimes and honor the victims. However, I think they are completely
misguided when they psychologically dissect someone. It feels as if the media is
portraying loners and those with rage--as complete freaks to be violated by the media
spotlight.

I've never been violent, and I would never harm anyone. When I was dealing with the
worst of my emotions--right after I began therapy--I would smash baskets in my garage.
I was taking care of my two babies during this time--and I couldn't have EVER harmed them
or taken my rage out on them. However---some people just aren't able to compartmentalize
their feelings like that. So, we cut them into bits--for the world to see--and treat them
like objects who are under a microscope?

It seems a bit inhumane and lacking in any sort of compassion.

I think the Cho situation made me feel a bit of survivor's guilt. I have access to
good therapists, and a supportive husband and loving children. I was able to process
my rage and sorrow. Some like Cho, don't have these ducks in a row.

Like I mentioned--Cho's crimes were totally awful and the media had the right to report
on it. They should have. However, filling the 24-hour news cycle with dissecting his
personality was invasive and an abuse of power.

[EFerrari]

8. It was also an abdication of responsibility, wasn't it?

That whole "loner" narrative that fingers the individual ignores many points of intervention. I don't know that this could have been avoided and have no blame for anyone. But, when we choose to frame this as a "loner" story, we're also choosing to overlook what we might be able to do to make these tragedies less frequent and less devastating, imho.