I'm depressed but not sure just medicating is going to help

[TZ]

I have real life stressor issues: My career seems to be wrecked, I have real knotty health issues, and I have many, many personal problems including the fact that none of my family or friends seem to have much time for me. I live by myself and I have this nagging feeling that if I died no one would even notice for days on end. I probably should be on meds or therapy but with all the other health issues/meds I have to take I can't really see that actually happening. Talk therapy is something various people have recommended but I can't see myself doing it at this point. I actually have quit the other parts of DU because of my issues but I like the people here enough to post in the one forum here that I think I need to be in right now. I am not actively suicidal or anything because I have two cats that I love and are very attached to and who need me, so there is that. But otherwise I feel very isolated now. If I don't call people (and its getting harder and harder to do that) I can go for days on end without anybody but telemarketers calling me. Even one of my doctors has forgotten me! For now, I prefer to sleep because that's the only place where I don't feel any kind of pain....I guess I am just looking for some support from people, I don't really know people in this group and I think thats best, I really don't want to share this with people I do know well...they all have so many issues of their own....

[blue neen]

1. For many people a combination of medications and talk therapy seems to work the best.

It can be very difficult to get started, because when you're depressed everything seems so overwhelming.

Perhaps one of your other doctors can recommend a psychiatrist/psychologoist to get you started.

I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes taking the first step is the most difficult, but it is worth it.

[DemExpat]

2. Hi, turtlensue,

You say:
Talk therapy is something various people have recommended but I can't see myself doing it at this point.

Do you know why you can't see this happening?

Because in my view your most pressing problem (besides your other physical health problems) is your social isolation, so talk therapy, and maybe even group, would be a good start in facing this IMO.

Facing stuff is the hardest......:hug:

You can always try meds if this becomes clearer that this is what you need.

But this place is a fantastic place to express all that ails us, hope you find some support and tips for moving forward very soon.

DemEx

[Lilith Velkor]

3. Meds are a poor substitute for human contact

Part of how I got into politics was from wondering why most people around me feel the need to be frantically busy all the time, and to always smile and be happy no matter what happens.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with you. One of the only therapists I ever had that was worth a damn once told me that feeling sad about situations that actually do suck just means you are sane.

She quit her job and took up acting, and I became an anarchist. Hey, whatever works, ya know?

[TZ]

5. yes, meds can't fix shattered dreams or broken hearts...

Both of which I have experienced in the last 7 months. I also today said goodbye to a good friend and former coworker who is leaving the country soon and I will likely never see again..so yeah my life really sucks

[EFerrari]

4. Cat ladies untie! Hi, turtlesue.

I hear what you're saying about isolation. Depression feels like warm fog to me. I can't see through it and everything else starts feeling very remote. :hug:

I'm dragging my depressed self back into the doc's today to get anti-depressants. I know I'll feel a little better in 24, 48, and then 72 hours. In about two weeks, the drug will really kick in. I don't want to, can't afford it and there you go, somehow I have to because feeling like *this* is not working.

[CoffeeCat]

6. Hi Turtlensue...

I just wanted to say that I understand.

It sounds like you have lots of stress coming at you from many directions. So, of course
you're going to feel like cocooning under the covers.

I sorta feel like society expects everyone to be happy-snappy all of the time. So, when
you do get down--you feel like you're abnormal--in addition to feeling very appropriate
feelings of sadness. From what you describe, it would be normal and healthy to feel
overwhelmed and sad. It's ok.

About starting therapy. I know it's hard to start, but it may help out a great deal. Even
if it's the last thing you want to do--tell yourself that you're going to give it a try. If
you don't like it, you can quit. However, it may work and your life may be transformed...so
it is worth a shot.

I do understand how it is hard to think about "talk" when you feel
depressed. I'm a major proponent of talk therapy and it enriched my life and helped me
so much. I stopped therapy for more than a year, and went through a depression. I
really resisted going back into therapy---even though I knew it would help. I think there's
something about depression that makes us feel stuck in cement. The smallest movements
can feel big. So, I do understand.

I've been feeling depressed for a few months now, and I've decided to surrender to it. I'm journaling,
and finding feelings and unresolved stuff under the depression. In my case, I feel as if my mind
wanted me to slow down to a crawl--to get me to focus on important stuff. I've decided to
make friends with this slower pace and learn from it. Being bluesy and in first gear isn't
so bad--for a while. I know I can't stay like this forever, but I'm feeling that my mind is
putting me at this foggy, slow pace for good reason. I'm not looking at this as illness or
something that needs to be corrected--but a state in which I can learn and grow.

That may not be useful or correct for others, but that's where I am--and I thought I would
throw my stuff out, in case someone else can relate.

We're all going to be ok. We're very conscientious, introspective and sensitive people. Sometimes
that leads to strong feelings, and I know we'll get through them.

Sorry so long, I do tend to ramble (and I type 110 wpm!)

:hug: :)

[DemExpat]

7. Glad to hear how you are doing, TwoSParkles,

I've been feeling depressed for a few months now, and I've decided to surrender to it. I'm journaling,
and finding feelings and unresolved stuff under the depression. In my case, I feel as if my mind
wanted me to slow down to a crawl--to get me to focus on important stuff. I've decided to
make friends with this slower pace and learn from it. Being bluesy and in first gear isn't
so bad--for a while. I know I can't stay like this forever, but I'm feeling that my mind is
putting me at this foggy, slow pace for good reason. I'm not looking at this as illness or
something that needs to be corrected--but a state in which I can learn and grow.

After my therapy this approach that you seem to be taking is how I also deal with recurring periods of negative feelings and states. I don't run from them anymore, I surrender in an open as possible way and try to listen to what they are trying to show me.
Much of depression in many people is not an illness IMO, but like physical pain, a signal to take care of something! And taking care of ourselves takes time and slowing down from usual businesses, if only for an hour or two each day to retire to a quiet space and read, cry or pound in a pillow, write in a journal, meditate, or just relax and listen to good music! It can be allowing ourselves the luxury to take this time to nurture ourselves. Thanks for reminding me with your own experiences!

:hug:

DemEx

[CoffeeCat]

8. Thanks for your support DemEx...

It's good to hear how you are doing DemEx.

I agree that it's smart to listen to the signals that our mind gives us. Sadness
and lethargy can feel bad and even be scary. However, maybe if we view these feelings
as healthy hints from our minds--we can resolve them faster.

I'd like to say that I'm handling this all perfectly. I am a binge eater and I'm starting
to face what a huge problem this is for me. I cope by eating. I'm hoping that some answers
can be found in this downtime.

I think it's interesting how self care/"downtime" is viewed negatively in our society.
Everyone is so busy. Like you mentioned, DemEx--listening to music, crying or taking time
to find some quiet--those things are sometimes viewed as unnecessary, selfish or a sign
that something is very wrong with a person. Really, we need to do those things more--and
failing to slow down causes more problems in the long run.

I had a very interesting conversation with a fellow friend who is in her early 40's. I
mentioned my depression and struggle with childhood issues and she said, "Honey, practically
every woman around our age is on the verge of a breakdown. Some just hide it better than
others".

That's when I began thinking...you know what--maybe being sad, anxious and upset--is really not
that kooky after all. Everyone has "stuff". Instead of feeling abnormal and like I don't
belong--maybe I just need to realize that human beings are *supposed* to feel negative emotions.
I'm not bad. I'm not defective--I'm just feeling normal stuff--and I will press on.

I think there's way too much emphasis on perfection. If we're not happy or
gregarious all of the time---well, there's a pill for you! If your kids are a little behind
in school--well, you should hire a high-priced tutoring service! If you have wrinkles--here's
a jar of creme or the phone number for a good Botox guy! We are being taught that any variance--
besides perfection--should be treated or hidden. I think the majority is buying into this bunk,
and that it's messing up a lot of people.

I'm finding that it's essential to find like-minded people who "get it"--and stay sane with
loads of enriching, back-and-forth encouragement and support.

DemEx, thanks for sharing your stuff too. I need to be reminded also--that slowing down
is good, and that it's ok. Fuel for the soul!

:hug:

[TZ]

9. That's a great post TwoSparkles...

I know people are worried about me, my mother called a good friend of mine to check in on me, and I guess I will have to try to flesh out a little that I just need time to myself to deal with all the stuff thats falling in on me right now. And posting here talking to people who do "get it" does indeed help. Thank you, even though it wasn't directed at me precisely:grouphug: :thumbsup:

[DemExpat]

10. SO much emphasis on perfection!.....why??????

......because more people than the ones with diagnosed mental problems are running from their own private hells and discomforts that it has become culturally ingrained?.....that's my accessment.....

Do you not also find that feeling bad - depressed and anxious - isn't really the *problem* at all, but that the essential problem is a running from the feelings, states, and important needs underneath?
That trying to do all we can to hide this from others and ourselves, that THIS is what creates escalating fear, anger, frustration and depression in many of us?

I almost killed myself in my late 20s before I had gotten so low that I dared to face this.

I do so appreciate your sharing of your experiences as they are more than supportive for me in my continuing processes of experiencing my life. Many thanks, TwoSparkles.

:hug: :grouphug:

DemEx

[CoffeeCat]

11. I think you're absolutely correct...

...in your assessment. People ARE running from their everyday problems and feelings. It's
the running that exacerbates normal human emotion into a psychic avalanche. Running means
you are ashamed. Running means you put up a front--and that takes so much energy to maintain.

Keeping that facade up requires a ton of emotional effort--which leads to untenable stress.
Pretty soon, you're a shadow of yourself. You're not in "self" anymore. You're artificial.
We can't have peace this way.

Everyone is in 5th gear these days and afraid to show vulnerability. I think much of society is losing
touch with their own humanity. Everyone seems pulled inward--focusing on Home-Depot-home improvement
and shopping at Pier 1. Front porches have been replaced by enclosed, backs sun rooms.

I think the majority of people who are "mentally ill" are the strong ones facing today's realities.
We're feeling emotions. We're reacting to the undercurrent of unrest around us. The good news is--we
can support each other--as we process REAL LIFE--and help each other through. We don't need to feel
"ill" or bad because we feel sad or because we are actually in tune with what our brain is giving us.
I'm "depressed" right now. It's a good thing that I can sit with that, write about it and try to
learn from it---as opposed to someone who is ultra-busy and squelching their humanity with Xanax.

I don't know where the "perfection" expectations originate. The media doesn't help. I do know that
our government benefits when people are neurotic and operating from a position of fear/weakness. Strong
people ask questions and they demand rational discourse. I wonder about big pharma. I know people
need drugs for chemical imbalances, but I feel that there is too much drugging going on. We're pulled
inward and we're stuffing emotions--when we need to be in groups--discussing, pondering and supporting
each other.

One thing that scares me is how children are so easily drugged. And I know...many kids with ADHD have
been helped by drugs. However, it seems that teachers and some parents are all-too-quick to flatten
out society. What if Jim Carrey had been in kindergarten today? Would he have made it through first
grade without someone putting him on something? Who decided that a flatline temperment is optimal?
What about curiosity? Laughter? Having a fire in the belly? Or just being a sillyheart? Why is
society so bent on fitting everyone into an emotionally dull mold--a state that is unhealthy and
unrealistic?

DemEx--I'm glad you got through your 20's. It sounds like you've made it through your low points
because you were not afraid to feel and process. That's nothing short of amazing, with denial being
so much more socially acceptable.

Thanks for sharing your stuff, too DemEx. So much is gained from healing and from sharing that
journey with others. I appreciate your insight--it's very helpful and encouraging. We all feel
like we're isolated on an island sometimes--but I feel that us "islanders" are the key to revolutioning
our world and making it better. We're in "self", and it is only from that state that real
peace and wisdom can happen.

:hug: :)