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Tripper11 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 02:30 PM
Original message
Massive anxiety attacks/panic attacks
This is in reference to a new job. --->http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=362x596

I appreciated the advice obviously given in the thread and have tried to work through it.

Then I got to this point ---> http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=362x604

And now I am back to feeling like I cannot stand being at this job. I am in this perpetual circle of anxiety that seems to be feeding itself. When I leave work I want to just forget about it and relax, but I start thinking about the next day, which obviously feed the anxiety.
I try and focus on the job, but feel completely blindsided my lack of concentration due to my anxiety.
I am trying to figure out how to "fix" this problem and I may have a solution, but even that is causing me second thoughts.

I've looked up anxiety attacks/panic disorders and the symptoms fit to a "t". I am trying some of the exercises etc but no luck.

I'm not sure what I am looking for by posting this here, some kind words, some advice, not sure.

This weekend I did talk to my wife about my feelings and for the first time in 2 months since having all this going on she actually listened to me. It's not like she wasn't trying to listen to me, but it was kind of like, "I know how you are feeling, but like me, you have to try to work through it."
She had recently changed jobs and I had to carry and encourage her mentally that she could make it, and she is, with all her love, trying to do the same for me.
The difference being I may have an opportunity to go back to my old job, whereas she had been laid off completely.

So here I am 3 months later....confused, scared and kind of freaking out!

Calgon!!! TAKE ME AWAY!!!!!
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 03:31 PM
Response to Original message
1. Oh, Tripper, sorry to hear you are going through this with your job.
Massive panic attacks are deadly horrible - can't actually hurt you physically, like kill you even though it feels that way sometimes - but unbearable all the same.

3 months sounds like a decent trial period, and if you are truly not enjoying the challenge of your new job, then why not go back to one you did?

You can always remain open for something else to come along, and I see nothing wrong with enjoying work at a certain level for awhile.

Besides, when mental health starts to really suffer from the stress, what is the point?

A lot of us here have had to deal with mental health problems for a long time, and have learned that there are times, periods, when we have to step back from our goals and just tread water for awhile why we re-gain some balance. Nothing wrong with that!

Sometimes I see my mental health problems as a spiritual lesson in dealing with Ego aims and urges and not looking at the whole picture of my (and my family's) life.

So, as admirable as I think it is to reach higher, sometimes our psyches have other plans and wishes. Maybe try some meditation or journalling - especially journalling - to sort out all of your wishes, goals, capabilities at THIS time, and find the answer for now.

All the best, from one who really knows what panic/anxiety attacks feel like!

:hug:

DemEx
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Tripper11 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 03:48 PM
Response to Reply #1
2. DemEx..thank you for your kind words
That really is the way I feel. One thing, I'm not sure if you got in my links, but we, as a family have been dealing with mental illness with our son for a long time. He's 14 now and has gone through hell and back many times.
We've worked so bloody hard as a family for him and he has come such a long way in his short 14 year life. So through his therapists, psych docs etc we've learned a lot about not only helping someone with an illness, but learning that that illness can affect the family in so many ways and making sure our mental health is not compromised because of it. Or if it starts to be, get it in check as quickly as possible.
So having said that, I do know that when it's all said and done I do get to be happy! I do get to enjoy life..because it's mine!
Not only that, but if I am happy and feeling good, I can be the rock, the strength for the rest of the family and that right now is a hard task when I feel this way.

I just got back from a nice long walk with my dog Sandy and I was listening to classical music on my mp3 player. Lately, and because of this inner turmoil I have turned to classical because it's a way to distract my mind without having to think if you know what I mean? I can listen to the music without anyone screaming or singing some inane lyrics that have no meaning to me right now.

Thanks again DemEx. :hug:
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 04:16 PM
Response to Reply #2
3. I can relate to your experience too....
Even through all of the years of hard work to get past the suffering and negative downward spiral, it isn't hard at all now to really enjoy life and the good stuff.

I have daily walks in parks, woods or beach with my little Jack Russell Bonnie, and she gives me so much pleasure and peace by showing me her pure and joyful spirit!
Classical music too, I love how it smooths out my sometimes chaotic brainwaves! :D

:hug:

DemEx
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Mon Sep-10-07 04:20 PM
Response to Reply #3
4. Sometimes our task is to be there
- really be there for our loved ones and friends.

DemEx
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 12:31 AM
Response to Original message
5. Been there. No advice, just hoping you will find some real support
as you walk through this.

:hug: to you and yours
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Tripper11 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 05:50 AM
Response to Reply #5
6. Thanks sfexpat....update inside
I did have a chat with my supervisor yesterday and pretty much laid out about my feelings. I was not necessarily asking for any feedback, just letting her know.
Well, she was very cool about it and told me that she and everyone in the newsroom are very happy with my work. She understands the learning curve I am on and told me that I have really done a great job since being hired.
Part of the thing is that I really am the kind of person that when I am hired, I work for my money. So I end up putting extra pressure on myself to prove to my eomployers everyday that they are getting what they pay for!
In all the jobs I've had over the years, it never ceases to amaze me how there are people in this world who seem to float through their jobs without a care in the world. Most don't do a great job, they are just kind of there. And yet I bust my ass, care etc and end up feeling like this! Oy!

I think my strong work ethic is part of the problem...

I am going to see my doctor on Thursday and talk about a little something to take the edge off. I have so much going on in my life that I feel a little cloudy in my head.

I have a really good doctor whom I trust and am able to talk to. He's my GP and if this is out of his realm, which at this point I don't beleive it is, he has excellent referals.
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EFerrari Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 09:48 AM
Response to Reply #6
7. In my case, it was simply DNA -- if DNA is simple.
Meds did wonders for me. I went from being agoraphobic to sitting on the rim of the Grand Canyon and enjoying the beautiful view.

There's a lot of other stuff that can be helpful, too. Meditation, yoga, breathing exercises, reassuring yourself out loud.

We're lucky, in a way, because people have done great work on this set of problems! When I first tried to deal with it in the early 80s, I had to call a doc in Boston to get a local referral. It was really difficult to get any info at all, let alone treatment.

Good to hear you have a trusted doc. :)



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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 11:51 AM
Response to Reply #6
8. Isn't it sometimes such a surprise?
When we find out that our performance is so much better than we had thought, that our efforts are appreciated and worthy?

:hug:

Best of luck with all that you are dealing with now,

DemEx
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Tripper11 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 12:23 PM
Response to Original message
9. Thanks everyone...I appreciate the kind words....
..and encouragement. My wife has been so patient and understanding through all this as well..it's been great.

The funny part is why I feel this way...it almost feels like I have some issue with not doing a good job from in the past (kind of like an abused person who has delecoped issues).

I've only ever been fired from one job, and I did that on purpose because my boss was not being safe and I called him on it so he fired me....

Anyway, you guys have really helped, more then you may know and I thank you for that.

Incidentally I have been taking our dog for a walk while listening to classical music daily instead of stewing in my misery and I think that has helped also.

:grouphug:
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DemExpat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-12-07 04:47 PM
Response to Reply #9
10. Why you feel this way in this job.....
could even be from low confidence issues from childhood, from being overstressed and overstretched in the present, but also being of a perfectionist nature contributes to inability to see things as they are (to others, too!) and a tendency to not feel satisfied, or even feeling incompetent.

From one who knows.....:D:D:D

Sounds good, and good that you have such support there.

DemEx
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