I am newly diagnosed BP at the age of 49....(due to adverse reaction to Remeron a few weeks ago)

[fed-up]

I was prescribed Remeron for major depression, but ended up feeling wired to the gills in the morning and then by afternoon sinking into a very deep, dark pit with thoughts of, but making no plans for suicide. At least stopping the Remeron last week yanked me back out of the pit.

I am "obsessively" trying to learn all I can about BP, along with axiety disorder and PTSD. The psychiatrist gave me some samples of Seroquel last week, but after realizing they were out of date by three years and that the side effects were a little more than I care to deal with I decided to ask for Lamictal instead. I went to the clinic Wed evening, but the psychologist said I have to wait until next Sunday when the psych doc will be in and "explain to me" how to read the side effect documentation. He tried to convince me that I wasn't interpreting the info correctly and even suggested that I was "obsessing" over it. Yeah, right, trying to learn about something that has probably affected my entire life is not what I consider obsessing, just catching up. :)

Maybe I just don't like the fact that the trials were only 8 and 12 weeks long and that they highly recommended weighing the side-effects carefully for long term use. Things like diabetes (runs in family), speeding up the heart rate and elavating cholesterol levels are not things I take lightly. Lamictal seems to have much fewer side effects. But now watch me get diagnosed with some oppositional defiant disorder for questioning the docs..I did ask him to explain why they thought Seroquel would be better for me than Lamictal, but he said only the psych doc could answer that. How do they make an assessment based on a short 15-20 minute interview?? Seems to me that is a major problem with mental health care. I am grateful that at least there is a free clinic for me to get help.

I also found out my older sis believes that all six of us siblings are probably BP with individual variations of course. My dad and probably mom were BP, along with a many great aunts and uncles...

I am now also concerned my son inherited the genes also as I learn about criteria for diagnosis. Both me and his late father are BP. His dad committed suicide about 5 years ago, so this is not an issue to take lightly...And my brother died earlier this year from alcohol/drug use along with other health issues. I think maybe he was trying to self-medicate. There are also two known suicide attempts amongst close family members. I was shocked to learn that suicide rate among Bpers was something 30 percent!

My diagnosis does help me understand why I dropped out of Berkeley 25 years ago, and helps explain digestive issues I have had over the years....which seem to occur in a higher rate amongst those with MH (chemical imbalance) issues.

I always thought I was borderline ADHD and when I had read symptoms of BP over the years I had ruled it out as I had never gone on wild sexual escapades (or other potentially dangerous things), nor had inflated sense of self or grandiosity, nor functioned on 3 hours sleep nor called people at 3 in the morning. I believe I have had episodes of hypomania, rapid talking, racing thoughts and excess energy. And a few episodes of major depression over the years. The last brought on with dealing with my "meth house" issue.

I had moved to get out of a mortgage and reduce stress in my life, but looks like I went from the frying pan into the fire. The only good thing about the problem is that at least I got my new diagnosis from the crisis.

Anyway, howdy to all fellow DU BPs!

[Droopy]

1. Welcome to the group

I think it is good that you want to learn all you can about your illness. I did exactly the same thing when I was diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder. I used to say that my illness was like throwing schizophrenia and bipolar disorder into a blender. That's not quite accurate, but I do have some symptoms of schizophrenia and some of bipolar disorder so I've done a lot of reading on those subjects. An excellent book that I read about bipolar disorder was "An Unquiet Mind" by Kay Jameson. It's been a while since I've read the book so I'm not quite sure about the author's name (but I know it's close), but I am sure about the title of the book. The author is a psychologist who was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder.

I take lithium to control the bipolar part of my illness and it is effective. About the most serious possible side effect from the drug is that it can zap your thyroid, but I've been taking it for 4.5 years and haven't had any problems. The drug is very cheap, too. The thing about it that's kind of a pain in the ass is that you have to go get bloodwork done every once in a while to assure that you have the proper level of the drug in you and also to check for side effects.

You are not alone, fed-up. There is a wealth of literature on the subject, including personal stories, and the more you can learn about your illness the better off you are. When you get in there to see the mental health professionals who will be working with you, make sure that you make them earn their money. They are only human and if you are not clear or do not tell them exactly what you are experiencing they may make assumptions that aren't necessarily true. Whatever you do, do not abruptly stop taking your meds if yopu are experiencing a problem with them or if you don't like your psychiatrist. There are other drugs out there as well as other psychiatrists so continue to take your meds until you are instructed to try something else. Abruptly discontinuing your meds can cause big problems.

[fed-up]

2. thanks, I am aware of issues w/stopping meds as that is when my son's father tried to strangle

and suffocate him back in 1989. The father was on Prozac and just stopped taking it as he didn't like the side effects. A few days later he couldn't stand son's crying and...

Then he went off his meds again about 5 years ago and suicided. The more I am learning about bipolar, the more I realize that his rage and lack of adherance to his medicine were just symptoms of his illness. Just a few slight pangs of guilt here for feeling relieved that he is gone.

The pdoc is working for FREE every other Sunday at a new free clinic that opened up last Feb. If not for them I don't know if I ever would have got my proper diagnosis. I did have a diagnosed bout of depression back in 1996, and probably had undiagnosed moderate depressive episodes in 1984, 1988, 1992, 1999 and 2001. All were triggered by extremely stressful situations. I didn't have health insurance and also had other health issues, so I attributed my fatigue and lack of energy to things like GERD, chronic fatigue and anemia.

I have had lots of hypomanic episodes, but I just figured I was ADHD, duhhhh, now it all makes sense.

And my BF has a family full of the "chemically challenged" so he is very understanding. He has two schizophrenic brothers, two bipolar brothers, and is probably bipolar type II himself.

I am reading "Acquainted with the Night, A Parent's Quest to Understand Depression and Bipolar Disorder in His Children" by Paul Raeburn (Journalist for Businessweek) and it is helping me to understand that mood disorders can cause irritability and rage that are beyond one's control. I always thought depression just made one withdraw and isolate from the world. I will pick up your suggestion next time I go to the library.

I have lots to learn and then to share with my 19YO, so we can both learn to eliminate triggers and be very aware of changing moods. And so he can be aware that he may have a huge probability of also being BP.

I just hope the pdoc says it's okay for me to try the Lamictal instead of the Seroquel, especially since it looks like I may need to find something longterm..

[Droopy]

3. Yes, bipolar disorder is a long term thing

As in life long. There are no cures for the illness and the best we can do in the year 2007 is treat the symptoms. Hopefully that will change in the future, but I wouldn't count on it. It is possible that your illness may go into remission, but the chances are slim. Find a drug that works for you and stick with it. You might live the rest of your life without experiencing another symptom. I'm going on 5 years now.

[no name no slogan]

4. I was misdiagnosed for well over a decade

They finally got my diagnosis right (bipolar II) last December-- and that was only because I brought it to the attention of my psychiatrist. I spent over a dozen years only taking various anti-depressants (no mood stabilizers), which I'm sure only made the bipolar disorder worse in the long run.

After two hospitalizations this year, I think we finally got it under control. Too bad it took completely fucking up my life to do it, though.

[DemExpat]

5. Glad to hear you are feeling better and more in control with your problems

after such a long period. I don't look at my lost years anymore, I do try to live each day in the moment.

DemEx

[fed-up]

6. I am vascilatting between mourning over my lost years and just being grateful to be alive

After reading stats on the number of successful suicides from BPD I am very, very grateful for the free clinic and for my long awaited proper diagnosis.

I just have to keep repeating to myself that I AM delusional when I think life is not worth living and that when my chemicals rebalance I will again think such thoughts were utter nonsense. I am not having those bad thoughts now as my mood is gradually returning to normal. I think the Remeron jump started my system somehow even though I only took it for three weeks. It is so nice to have positive feelings again!

Glad to hear you are having success with your meds.

edited to add update that yesterday the Pdoc did agree to let me try the Lamictal, so I am on my way out the door to fill my prescription.

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. The upside of lamicatl for me was I finally got some decent sleep. Won't mention the downsides as I

don't want to color your opinion on it.

Hope it works for you. :)

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. Yeah, for me it was Cymbalta that sealed the deal. I also worry about my kids having it

too. And yes, the substance abuse and suicide issues are both on my mind as well.

Have you seen this site? http://www.psycheducation.org/

[no name no slogan]

9. Did you get manic off Cymbalta?

Just wondering, because I took it for a couple years, and I wonder if it didn't contribute to a couple hypomanic episodes I had.

[Larissa238]

10. You make me smile reading your post

You might think that's an odd reaction to such an emotional post, but it's true. I'm proud of you for getting yourself taken care of, and very impressed (which made me smile) that you are researching what they are putting you on. It's something that few people do, and I have been known to forget it before. Bipolar medications are nothing to be messed around with, and the side effects need to be taken seriously, and you seem to know that.

One thing I will say about these meds is 1. don't stop taking them without doctor's knowledge and 2. Ask what the effects of stopping them are. I just stopped Seroquel a couple weeks ago, and I have been having withdrawals from them. They are finally going away, but it was not a pleasant experience- and my doctor didn't warn me of them at all (and I have an appointment with a new one in January). Not only do you lack the effect of the medications, but there can be withdrawals (what they call "discontinuation symptoms") as well.

Just a couple warnings from someone who has been around the meds a time or two. I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this complicated disorder :hug: :pals:

[fed-up]

11. I learned to research drugs when taking care of my mother after her stroke

My sister had a computer and I had the huge drug book at the public library.

I also know that my family, myself include WILL experience every known and unknown side effect as we are hypersensitive to meds.

I can't even take sudafed as it wires me to the gills. Couldn't take the tylenol codeine that Canada sells over the counter when I got some 30 years ago for cramps. Too much caffeine. My sister was dancing naked in her living room after taking one of the anti-depressants. Her daughter saw spiders on the ceiling when taking Xanax. My son's father suicided when going on/off his bipolar meds five years ago.

Don't ever stop taking any psych meds cold turkey, you have to taper off over at least a month or two.

I am still waiting to start the Lamictal as I have blisters on my fingers from eating the cheap white bread from the food bank. I also have to wait for the herpes on my lip to go away. There is a possibility of the deadly Stevns Johnson rash, so I need my immune system to be in a little better shape.

I am barely hanging on by a very thin thread and hope I survive long enough to try the lamicatal.

Made a little money selling almonds in 40 degree weather yesterday at the local farmer's market and will go out again today to try and sell more on a street corner. That should hopefully make enough to keep my lights/water car Ins paid for. Standing all day killed my neck and back and I cried myself to sleep, but what the hell is one supposed to do while waiting for SSI approval? I am almost ready to take all my meds to my neighbor until I can start taking them. I am trying to make it one hour at a time...