I need to overcome bad lessons of childhood

[Nikia]

I have anxiety disorders (generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and social anxiety). I had my first panic attack when I was 23, about one year after marrying, 15 months after graduating college, a few months into a new job, and a week after moving to a new town. I have always had more anxiety than most people, but it was around this time that my anxiety became debilitating. By debilitating, I mean that I still work and can can do normal things like shop most of the time, but in that my anxiety prevents me from doing things that I'd like to do or be able to function well in stressful situations. I am now 27.
I have come to realize that I need to unlearn harmful lessons that my parents taught me intentionally or unintentionally when I was a child. These lessons were harmful then and harmful as a young adult. They affect the way that I think about things and how I react to situations. I do realize to some extent that some of these lessons are incorrect, but they always haunt me in my times of weakness and in stressful situations. Some of these awful lessons are: You have to be perfect (or the best) or you are a faliure, you are personally responsible for the feelings of those around you, confrontation means that someone hates you and will never want to speak to you again, and success is the most important value. There are others too and variations of these.
I want to go to counseling. With my new insurance, I have more options for counseling. Do you think that a counselor can help me deal with these issues? Will this probably take a long time? Has anyone had success with overcoming such issues?
I have not had much success with prescription drugs. Even if I would be successful with prescription drugs, this does not make these issues go away.

[Droopy]

1. I agree that you need to learn to deal with

the underlying issues to your illness. But I wouldn't turn down anti-anxiety drugs if I were you. From what I can gather they can be very helpful if used only for severe panic attacks. Anti-anxiety drugs are not something that I would want to take on a regular basis, though. I would get the prescription and only use the drugs on an as needed basis. It's possible that they will try to prescribe you an anti-depressant and tell you to take it every day. Tell them you don't want that.

Regarding talk therapy, yes it usually takes a long time for it to be effective. The issues that you are dealing with will not be resolved in just a few sessions. I've heard of people having great success with talk therapy, though, and if you stick with it you may be able to overcome the conditioning that is causing you to have panic attacks. But be prepared because it will take some work. And if you start talk therapy be prepared to possibly feel worse initially. I've heard that people often feel worse when they start therapy. If this happens to you, then you will know that it is probably working and you should trust the process.

I've dealt with anxiety before in my time and I still suffer from some social anxiety from time to time, so I know how it can be a debilitating illness. Fortunately, I've been able to overcome this with drug therapy. I was having anxiety due to psychosis and with the introduction of an anti-psychotic I was able to overcome most of my anxiety. But there was a time when I would only leave the house for food and work and when I did leave the house those experiences were a living hell. If I would not have had to work, I probably would have never left the house.

On edit: Regarding the advice about drugs above, that's just what I would do. I know that medication is not right for everyone and that may be the case for you.

[DemExpat]

2. Nikia, I lived with severe anxiety/panic disorder from about age 22

until my early 40s, along with chronic depression - as I look back I believe that the depression got so bad as it did from the awfulness and dead-end/ no way out situation of the panic disorder.

I started to climb out of this hell when I turned away from the anti-anxiety drugs prescribed me by my psychiatrist, and which I made liberal use of until I became terribly addicted to them - increasing my feelings of hopelessness and helplessnes and not really adressing my anxieties = deepening depression.

Droopy is right about that, above, when he says to use this type of medication, if at all, on an as needed basis, and not continual.

Since you seem to be coping OK enough to function without meds, I would strongly support you in exhausting all other modes of treatment first - this based solely on my personal experience!

What I do do now is have one or two anti-anxiety pills with me when I travel "just in case" - but I have not taken one in over 24 years! :-)
Having a little bottle of water with me to sip if I start to feel anxious and get dry mouth helps keep panic at bay too for me.
In weak moments now I take tinctuur of Valerian to take the edge off.

My success in overcoming the worst of my panic disorder had to do with facing the process of the panic, not running from the anxiety by avoiding situations or taking a pill, and learning to relax against the rising adrenaline rush of physical symptoms of impending doom/death.

Only when I developed a relaxed but confrontational attitude of "F**K it, I don't give a crap if you (Panic) strike, I am NOT GOING to run any longer, I won't submit, I have EVERY right to be here, now, as I am.....!" and learned some breathing techniques from the stomach, not from the chest, which when applied really did help dissipate the panic, did I start to get out in the world again, to start to practice doing all of the things in all of the situations which I avoided for so many years....:-(

After years of therapy, which did give me insights into my childhood experiences and reasons for my behavior and responses, (but which also got me addicted and dependent on prescription drugs!) I got out and worked on my own with occasional visits to a counsellor who helped empower me without going too deeply into the past (which I already had done).


I read something today in a British women's magazine about a method called the Linden Method - developed by a man suffering from panic disorder. Google it and see if it seems like something to look for - I know that he has affiliates in the US. Some anxiety disorder counsellors use it here in Europe.

A book from the 90s ( this edition from 2001) which I carried for years around with me for support was this one:

Panic Attacks by Christine Ingham
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/product-description/0007106904/ref=dp_item-information_1/002-6125476-6948009?%5Fencoding=UTF8&n=283155&s=books
It was for me the book's near-perfect mix of support/understanding and empowerment which helped me a great deal.


I have thought that my panic disorder was psychological as well as physical (adrenaline process of fight/flight response), and finding the "switch" to keep the process from enacting in full force to a full-blown panic attack has been the most successful action that I have taken to combat my terrible handicap.

It looks to me like you have on your own with self-examination gotten good insight into many of your past learned patterns, and by perhaps some cognitive therapy/counselling (maybe one with experience with working with this problem) or assertivity training and self-empowering tools, along with anxiety busting techniques, you can progress further to feeling good and strong.

Good luck, Nikia, and I hope you find good support in taking your next step to get out of the cycle. My post turned out to be long one, hope there is something within that will help you on your way... :hug:

DemEx

[yardwork]

3. Look into Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (DBT)

It was developed by Marsha Linehan to help people with Borderline Personality Disorder, but therapists have discovered that it helps people with a wide variety of diagnoses.

I have anxiety and depression. My childhood sounds very similar to yours. You are absolutely right that we have to unlearn a lot of unhealthy things. DBT has helped me a lot.

The DBT group I'm in meets weekly and is led by doctoral students in clinical psychology, with the oversight of a psychiatrist who specializes in this area. We work our way through Linehan's book, which teaches skills for dealing with difficult feelings and situations and feeling better about ourselves.

Check out any major medical centers or universities in your area. They are likely to offer DBT. You might have to drive some distance but it is worth it!

Good luck to you! You are on the right track!

[smirkymonkey]

6. Thanks! I will look into it, as I really need a more structured

type of cognitive/behavioral type of therapy.

[smirkymonkey]

4. I have EXACTLY the same issues and I really think they

are crippling me in adulthood. I would like to hear what people say, because I am beginning to think I need more help than I am getting, which is almost none.

Drugs will help with the crippling depression, but I think we need to change our unhealthy thought patterns to be completely mentally healthy. Good luck.

[yardwork]

5. The Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is designed to do exactly that!

Dialectical means two opposed sides. DBT helps people replace a negative self-image with a positive self-image.

I've learned a lot in DBT. In my family, strong negative emotions were considered weak or bad. A lot of us grew up in families where we were taught to stuff our emotions. The consequence of showing a strong negative emotion was usually bad, so we learned to hide these "weak" feelings.

In DBT I learned that all emotions are natural reactions to things that happen to us. There is nothing inherently weak or bad about feeling sadness, anger, or frustration.

The problem occurs when those emotions leap out our control, or are constantly present because of our own negative self-image.

With DBT, I've learned skills that help me get through difficult times without resorting to "losing it" or coping in unhealthy ways.