I'm having trouble today, it is the first family holiday since my

[yy4me]

husband died. I will be alone until later when I go the cemetery to place a Christmas Tree at my husbands grave and then go to my daughters for dinner. It just hit me very hard this morning and I can't stop crying. I suppose I'll never come to grips with the fact that he is gone but it is hard to feel normal with this incredible void in my life. It was 45 great years and now they are memories that blur together. Everything in my house reminds me of him and of what I have lost.

I hope those of you who have suffered loss are dealing with it in a way helps. I have not yet found that way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EeNFmwpywaA&mode=related&search=

Peace to you all.

[mopinko]

1. do you write?

your comment about the memories blurring made me think that perhaps if you were to organize and preserve those memories, you might feel more settled. or at least a little more focused. or something.
i know that there is no way to get through this much pain besides just getting through it. but it seems like you had something that is worth holding on to, also.

[onecent]

2. yy this is the second Thanksgiving since my husband died. I'm

afraid the second year is no better than the first. I went to my stepson's home and love my step family -3 wonderful grown up boys and their families. I was with their father for 22 years and his family and I have grown even closer. I cried all the way home though because everyone else had someone to do something with.

I could make an effort and go to 2 or 3 other homes...but the neighbors who I love have about 3 cars and 2 trucks at their house...and who wants a teary eyed grandma sulking around.

My thoughts are with you. It doesn't get easier over night....nothing has changed except now it is 14 months instead of 13 months. I miss him so much.

I wish there was something I could say that would make you feel better. Just know you are not alone and I will say a prayer for you this Thanksgiving day to heal. Your energy level - I'm sure - is like mine - fairly nonexistent. And so many "WHY's".

We won't know that answer for awhile.

I know our husbands don't want us to be unhappy or cry - and I keep trying to do something every day to boost my energy level. I have begun seeing a psychologist which was one of the best things I have done for myself. My first week's homework was to "pamper myself" and "a get out of guilt free card". I laughed on the way home....but after 2 weeks....I realize I am holding in alot of anger and guilt....so for one week I pampered ME. ONLY ME and my 2 kitties...and the second week some sort of heavy cloud has slightly lifted off me...cannot explain it, but I feel I am heading in a better direction. I have had to fight shingles and a poor immune system since last June.

Take care of yourself. Many people care but don't know what to say or what to do when I cry....
You are loved!
Happy Thanksgiving!

[EFerrari]

3. yy4me

:hug:

One thing I did after my divorce, when I was ready, was to re-arrange everything in my bedroom. I got rid of a few things and got new bedding, changed everything that was on the walls. That way there was one room where memory wouldn't hijack me. The rest of the house followed more naturally.

I hope you have a good visit with your daughter.