Ever just want to destroy

[undergroundpanther]

Just go find every sarcastic asshole greedy piece of shit out there and grind them into mush with your fists?

I'm sick of the fucking mean people in this miserable world.I want the mean people to go away and if they refuse to go I want to decorate the grass with their grey matter.I have had it with snarky jerks and callous greedy shit heads.

Is there no place to be heard without a fucking tidal wave of insults and sarcastic darts? Is there no one that is able to listen, no place of refuge.No asshole free zone, No place to feel like I am safe,like I am accepted ,or can help those who are being ground down too. Is there anyone willing to not run away,To hold me because they can feel I hurt so bad I dunno how to cope with it .Anyone in this fucking world willing to just sit with me,be here and listen without implying I "pay" for it, meet certain criteria or demands or who will succumb to urges to fix me or give me advice or say stupid shit like think happy thoughts, occupying their minds so they act impatient? In such a way I just shut down again?

I wish I was never born. I am alienated in an alien world.I am locked here and there is no way out.

[H2O Man]

1. Sometimes I find

that the best thing to do is to talk with a small group of friends. You have friends on DU -- I believe that I am one of them. And I'm always here to talk.

Your friend,
Pat

[mopinko]

2. my dear panther-

i read this rant, and so many others, and hear your stories of your life, and i ache to give you something that might help. if i had a magic wand, i would certainly wave it upon you.
and so, i write this, even tho i know it is not exactly what you want to hear.

first, my dear, i say this- what you ask for, imho, is not what you need. you want someone to sit with you without judgement, and that i understand. i think that is something that we all want and need. but here is the thing- who you are and how you are, as i have come to know you, is not something that should be reinforced by acceptance. after all, where you are now is so very full of pain and anger and ugliness. you do not accept it. you should not accept it.
people who try to say- 'think happy thoughts' do not get it, it is true. but no harm is intended. they are just looking at you, and looking at themselves, and trying to figure out what is different. and in a way, thinking happier thoughts is part of the difference. getting from here to there is just a crossing of a void the likes of which they cannot imagine. but hear in their words this- i wish i could help you. i wish i could find words that help you.

but what i think they really have that you need is trust. knowing your story, i can see that this is something that is so very difficult for you. i feel like i have seen in so many of your posts a breakdown of a relationship that you really needed. so much frustration. so much hurt.
it is such a conundrum of the human psyche- that we need to be complete as individuals, but we are social animals, and never really will be complete on our own. your need for connection is palpable. but so is the void that you must cross to achieve that.

as your friend, i tell you, that i think you should reach out for help. i have seen you try. i have seen it not work. i understand. but here is the thing- i see you so often rail at the outrage of the unfairness of the world, seen you take a stand for the least of us. what i ask you is that you send some outrage at yourself for failing to value yourself. for failing to fight the battles for yourself.
the world is more secure today than it was on monday. one thing that chronic illness has taught me- when things are good, you must take the energy that becomes available, and build up for the harder times. take this time of hope and work for your own peace. and take this advise from your president- (paraphrased badly) people ask me how i can ask people to hope. i answer- because we have no choice.
the same can be said of trust. you have no choice but to find it in yourself to trust someone who can help you. what you are feeling- both the anger and the pain- are too much for someone to bear. reach out, my friend. find someone you might be able to trust, and reach out.
we here are your friends, willing to sit with you without judgement. but this is not what you need. reach out.