Ok, I posted this in the Lounge, but I think it really belongs here. Re: Birthdays/Suicide

[elshiva]

I have a friend (yes a FRIEND, I am not talking myself) whose birthday is the same day that her father completed suicide. She often feels like there isn't anything to celebrate on her birthday. How do I help her celebrate her birthday?
Thank you.

[Forkboy]

1. Two things come to mind right away.

One, be there in any way you can for her.

Two, don't expect her to celebrate, and don't try to make her have fun. Just help her get through the day.

For me at least, there is no way to help me be in a good mood on certain days that are hard for me, and to be honest, I really don't want to be in a good mood on those days. If someone tried too hard to cheer me up I would actually resent it, despite their good intentions.

Be there for her, and support her in any mood she wants to be in, even if it's sad one. As someone who knows depression all too well, you can't force happiness on us in those dark times. Patience and understanding will go a lot further than any celebration.

And these are just my own thoughts. They may or not be right for her, and I'm sure others will come along with better advice than I. Some smart folks down here. :)

You're a good person to care about your friend so much, and she's lucky to have you as a friend. :hug:

[elshiva]

2. Thank you. It's more like I am lucky to have her as a friend.

Basically, right now I just plan to mail her a card and a present. Nothing expensive, just something that means something to her. I haven't seen her face to face in five years, but I chat with her on the computer. We met at a high school for mentally ill students, so we know where we come from when it comes to our illnesses. :hug:

[mopinko]

3. how old was she? was this recent?

perhaps it might be best to be realistic about it. is there some sort of gesture of remembrance of her father that might be appreciated? flowers of his grave? or??
perhaps a card/note saying that you know she will be hurting, and that you are thinking of them both. sometimes it is the silence that is the hardest thing to bear.

jeez, tho, what a horror to be saddled with.

[EFerrari]

4. She may not need to celebrate her birthday. She may need

to be allowed to get through it for a while. Maybe the best present you can give her is to accept whatever she needs that day.