what do you do when self-assurance isn't enough?

[fizzgig]

i have little to feel good about myself right now -- still no real job, working a job for which i am grossly overqualified and feel so demeaned for having to take, my face looks like i'm 14 and i haven't seen my friends for weeks, which i sometimes take personally even though i know it's not.

i look in the mirror and see nothing more than an unattractive failure. i feel i'm being a self-righteous snob for feeling like i'm better than the job i have, because i know it's the best work others can get.

i keep telling myself that i'm not a failure and that what i see in the mirror isn't what other people see. i keep telling myself that i am a good person and that i am important to other people's lives. but i feel like i get so little positive feedback from others and reassuring myself isn't working any more. and, of course, that triggers more guilt because i feel i should be able to operate on my own and not have to have any outside assurance of my worth.

my fiance is going through his own depression right now and his coping mechanism is to withdraw, the exact opposite of what i need. that has exacerbated the situation lately and i'm feeling selfish for needing a bit more from him right now.

i feel so alone and helpless sometimes and i have no idea what to do to make myself feel better. i feel hopeless sometimes that my employment and financial situations are ever going to get better and that few people cared if i just disappeared. i'm not suicidal, so please don't worry, i just feel very alone right now.

[mopinko]

1. spend more time with the pets

in a similar spot myself right now, and i talk to the dogs and parrots more. seriously. not sure how much good it does, but it does remind me that there are things in the world that are just plain good.
:hug: to you. lots of folks in your spot these days.

[fizzgig]

2. i don't know what i'd do without my kitties

it is so therapeutic for me to just sit and pet them and few things make me laugh like they do.

:hug: back

[mopinko]

3. one of my dogs likes to sleep under the covers at my feet.

she doesn't get to sleep there all night, but after she gets let out in the morning, if i am still in bed, she is going about 100 mph by the time she hits my bed. she whines and goes nuts to get under there. i put my feet by her, and she rests her chin on my ankle. and we are both feel very not alone.
yup.

[no name no slogan]

4. I've got major self-esteem issues, too. One thing I do that helps

is that I do something nice for somebody else. Give them a compliment. Send them a card or an email just saying you're thinking about them, or buy them a cup of coffee or something. Nothing big. Chances are they will appreciate it and will pass along the good will.

It's only temporary, true, but it does help out a little bit, and every little bit helps when you're feeling knee high to a grasshopper.

Having a mental illness, IMHO, is one of the most stressful, debilitating things you can have. Nobody understands you, and you can't let them into your brain. It's very easy to feel alone and worthless. But doing that will only make things worse.

Oh, and don't forget to do something good for YOU once every day. That too doesn't have to be a major thing. Take a walk, sit outside, take a hot bath, pamper yourself somehow. In the midst of our illness we tend to forget about taking care of ourselves, which makes things worse.

Hope things start looking up for you. Spring is finally here, and that always seems to make things a bit easier for most people. Take care. :hug:

[fizzgig]

5. thank you

i'm trying to spend more time outside now that the weather is nice. i usually spend at least a few hours sitting on my patio each morning while i drink my coffee and i get a particular boost from watching the squirrels chase each other and listening to the birds.

i'm not always so good at the other aspects of taking care of myself and i'm still learning how to be gentle with myself.

and your advice about being kind to others is good. i try to let people know how much i appreciate and love them, but probably not as often as i should.

[yy4me]

6. There are sometimes great holes in the feeling of self-assurance

I have felt all my life that I was in control and able to handle responsibilities. My husband and I were a team and both of us approached major projects and situations with the knowledge that we could handle it. Life sneaks up on you and you find yourself in that great big hole that wasn't visible before.

My husband died this past summer and I now have very little self-assurance. I am afraid of doing anything or making major decisions and have no-one I can burden with this knowledge. I was also laid off shortly after he died plus a few other "not-nice" things have happened.

I am now on an anti-depressant. At least I had the presence of mind to see the doctor after my husband died. I could not eat or drink and found myself sitting in a chair all day doing much of nothing and feeling so glum. I can't describe the feeling but it was one of total disinterest and loneliness. At the time I had health insurance. I worry about my health now, can't go to the Doc just because it is time for a check-up. Money worries now that were not here before.

Like many of us, I am trying to find ways to get on track again. Just got a new kitty. She offers company.

You are young and I'm sure this will pass. You are facing your situation and trying to take corrective measures. The world used to be a much easier place. Things have changed so that we all have to try extra hard just to make sense of it all. My thoughts are with you.

[laylah]

7. I am your mama so what I have to say

will probably fall on deaf ears; however, you are one of the most amazing young women I have ever known. I say that from experience! You have empathy, sympathy, insight, heart, humor, intelligence, etc. Of course, we that love you can say all we can say but YOU have to believe it because we already know it.

I love you, Sara!

[redqueen]

8. Just cry until I fall asleep.

Then I start feeling better over the next few days.

I also have my kids around sometimes to force me to fake it.

I wish I had better advice... I mostly find myself unable to respond in here, because I think to myself that what I have to say *must* be useless, because... well, look at me. But... I wanted you to at least know you're very far from alone.

:hug:

[laylah]

9. awwwwww redqueen!

useless? you! not hardly :hug: