I'm kinda new here, but I feel for what you're going through.
I am bipolar, and I refuse to take my meds - they make me feel like someone robbed me of my soul. I'm hoping to be a writer when I get out of college, and the way they make me, I wouldn't be able to accomplish anything but drooling. Plus, I have a severe distrust of the pharmaceutical companies. (look at the news lately)
Reading what you say about your other half, kinda reminds me of things I do myself. (unfortunately). I know I drive everyone around me mad when I'm cycling - I try my hardest to control it with talk therapy, ( I think talk therapy works a hundred times better than any med they try and force me to take) and herbs, but it doesn't always work.
Have you thought of setting up a separate bank account? I know that's a pain in the ass, but if you were able to do that, then there might be a way to not let him know about the money. Does he go to therapy? I have heard of people taking herbs, like valerian root, kava kava, etc. to help bring them down when they're too high (manic). I have used valerian, and it did help some.
That sounds horrible the way he talks to you. Do you go to therapy? Have you thought of any of the online support groups for families?
My thoughts are with you - I hope things mellow out for you soon. This newsletter this man puts out keeps me up to date on the most current BP research, sometimes he has some good tips.
http://www.mcmanweb.com/ On Edit: As hard as it is to realize, this disease is most likely biological, so you have to remember, that it's not really him talking all the time. I have a hard time distinguishing that myself, and I know others around me do as well. This book might help too...
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1572243422/qid=1108471305/sr=8-6/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i6_xgl14/103-2571036-2818238?v=glance&s=books&n=507846Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder
by Julie A. Fast, John D. Preston