I don't know what my situation is, mental health, suicidal, or just

[david13]

tired of living. Bored with the world, or what? I just turned 60. I have been out of work for about 4 years, at which time my health coverage was ended.
So I don't know where my health is going.
I have had a few jobs here and there but, for the long term, nothing. And the prognosis only looks worse for the future, age discrimination, etc.
All my life I never really had any money, so that part is just par for the course, but as I get older it is more difficult and it is now getting down to basic survival, money to buy food.
No partner to lean on doesn't help. But I think the real issue is the financial.
I know one eye is getting real bad, and I don't know if it's cataracts, or a tumor behind the eye, or what.
Lately a headache or pressure in the head.
My life has been this search for a place to fit into, and I still haven't found it. A lifetime is finite, there has to be a limit somewhere. I keep searching, trying, but that all requires money, so even that is slowing.
I think there has to be a beauty to knowing exactly what day one will die, because then one can plan right up to the last minute.
What my solution is I don't know.
dc

[Odin2005]

1. Hang in there *hug*

:hug:

[Forkboy]

2. Is there any kind of subsidized state health care out there, like Medicaid or something?

We have Masshealth in Mass (obviously), and it's covered everything for me, from cancer surgery and treatment to meds to mental health, dental and vision. If you have a Department of Transitional Assistance in your area call them and see if there's anything like that out there, even something basic that lets you get a simple check up. The headache could be because of something serious, or it could just be caused by the stress of worrying that's it's something serious. And of course, just worrying about basic things like eating each day takes it's toll (it sure did on me).

Also, there are counselors who work on a sliding scale, meaning your payments could be pretty small (mine were $15 a visit, twice a month, so $30 a month, somewhat reasonable). You might think about looking into any human services in your area, if you haven't already. They should have info on this.

I do have a bit of a disagreement on something though. You say you're looking for a place to fit in, but that it requires money. I think that's approaching it wrong. While I'm like you and have never found a place where I feel I belong, I don't think it's tied to my financial situation at all. I don't think we need money to find a sense of purpose, though I could be wrong as I still haven't found it either. But I do think that while money is nice and can help in many ways, it's not a prerequisite for happiness, or for a sense of self worth.

You may not BE suicidal, but it's clearly entering your thought process, and that's a cause for concern. Unfortunately, I don't really have any advice on how to turn it around. If I did I wouldn't be thinking about it constantly myself for the last two months. If you have any friends you feel you can talk to, do so. I'm really fighting the urge to completely disappear and isolate from the world, so I know all too well how hard it can be to reach out. I'm not even sure I want to anymore, but if you're here talking about your problems then you're willing to reach out at some level. If you can, do it.

Best wishes, David.

[david13]

4. Ah, thanks for your comments.

Forkie by money I mean the cost of going to places for job interviews, potential relocation costs to take a job, that type of thing.
There is health care here but it is totally swamped, and basically nothing is available.
At the moment I have a few crumbs left over to tide me along, so for a while ...
Anyway thanks for the encouragement. Likewise for you, stay with it.
dc

[Forkboy]

5. Ok, sorry I misunderstood the money part.

Best of luck. :pals:

[qb]

3. Have you contacted your county social service office?

Despite attempts by the Republicans to wipe it out there is still help to be found.
:hug:

[mdmc]

6. you are in a tough situation, my friend

without anyone to turn to, what can be done?
I would assume that most of us here in this group have had very similar feelings, and might have been in similar situations. Therefore, posting here is a good thing. I am glad that you have internet access and du donor status so that you can post in this group.

Seems like you have "been there, and done that" as far as easy answers (dept. of soc.service, local clinics, reach out to family). Have ya thought about going to / returning to the church of your choice? I only ask because it helped me a great deal.

What I like about church is that they talk about death all the time. Jesus died for us. So did a bunch of other people. And people are always dyin, everyday. It is a universal truth that we all end up ..dead.

Church is there to deal with this fact.

Perhaps embracing it might help ya. It did for me. At least to some extent it did for me.

My prayers (cause I do pray) are with ya my friend. All the best,
mm

[david13]

7. Thanks for your consideration.

But church, no. Out of the question. I have to first, turn a switch. I have to, somehow, just start looking at things in a positive light, an optimistic view. I have to look at life with hope, for the future, for my situation.
Just somehow turn my outlook to positive, instead of negative.
How I'm going to do that, I don't quite know yet.
The other thing I have to do is to just keep going, to places, to events, to something no matter what, until I can meet someone, or find something. A job, a place that needs somebody, something.
I just have to keep digging, and searching, and then going.
It still doesn't mean I'll find a way to continue, or anything else I need, but I guess I just have to resolve to keep trying, no matter what.
dc

[mdmc]

8. At the very least

keep posting here..
I think ya on the right track.
Keep on keepin on,,
peace and low stress my friend