I went out and found some good advice. It was the same that I

[david13]

heard on tv yesterday.
But. Today a fellow was talking about how he had most recently worked as a counselor for seniors.
And after talking to me for about 2 hours he said, live in the present. Concentrate on the here and now. That makes it easier and simpler to handle the situation.
Yesterday on tv, dog whisperer, Cesar Milan, a totally good guy, talked about how dogs don't live in the past or with the future in mind. They only live in the here and now, and that is how you must relate to them.
Is there a lesson for me here? Is this advice applicable to me? Is this an analysis of my situation, what I need to do, how I need to live my life, and work on my problems, at the moment mental stability, and living in the world, and relating to people, and functioning?
Well, I will try to let it sink in. Maybe it can work for me.
dc

[ThingsGottaChange]

1. I think that is excellent advice

Something I've never been able to do but, am going to try it. I have a terrible problem with anticipatory anxiety, to go along with major depression and every other kind of anxiety there is. I am rarely "in the moment". Either reliving past experiences in my head or worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow or the next day or the next week, etc. Guess I need to put up more notes around the apartment to remind me of this.

Peace and luck to you :hug:

[mdmc]

6. ditto

anxiety about the future plaques me..

[Tobin S.]

2. I had to think about this for a minute

I have always got something on my mind. I'm constantly reliving times past, or planning and worrying about the future. It seems like getting caught in the past is what affects me the most. I tend to remember the particularly painful events, some from as long ago as my childhood. The thoughts and emotions that I experienced at the time come flooding back in, usually along with intense embarrassment. I've always done that and I don't know how to stop it.

I'm getting better, though, in one sense. The pain and embarrassment of those past events are having less of an effect on me. Slowly, as I recall the old times, I'm able to let go of the intense emotions and I react less harshly with embarrassment. They are losing their hold on me. I'm beginning to have compassion for myself and understand that when I've done stuff that I regret, that it was done out of ignorance and not stupidity or some character flaw. I'm accepting of the flaws that make other people human. It's time to accept my own.

This is why I really like this group. It doesn't move very fast but chances are that if there's a new post in here it will be thought provoking. Good luck in being here now, David.

[david13]

3. A day later, I am having difficulty with the concept. I guess I tend

to think of the present as a thin thing, like piano wire, not a nice wide box, in which I can function. But, the big issue is work. If I could find (and be given) some nice work, then it is like a box that I can get into and use it to fill my attention.
The other thing that occurred to me last night, people talk about choices. "Oh, you make your choices, and that brought you here". Etc.
I realized I never made any choice in my life. Everything I have ever done I have had no choice in, but have been compelled. Drawn in, as it were.
Tobin. Your first paragraph. Reliving embarrassing moments from the past. We all have them, we all end up revisiting them from time to time.
I think, maybe, the secret is go back to them, get into them, get the lesson from it, what could you have done differently, how could you have changed it, if you could have, feel the embarrassment and pain, then, most, utmost important, forgive yourself. Look in the mirror, say, sure you made a mistake, you are forgiven. Excuse it, you did the best you could at the time. Then, acceptance and love ... for yourself. Then move back to the now. In other words, go back and take the electrical charge, the uncertainty, the unresolved nature of it, work it all through, come to a resolution, remember you are now in control of the resolution, so you get to determine the outcome, and come out of the dark tunnel of it. Into the sunlight.
For the now situation, we need to see the now not as this thin wire where we are trapped between the past and the future, but as a wide box in which we can now do any task at hand and concentrate on it.
And enjoy it.
Good luck.
dc

[Tobin S.]

4. That sounds like the way to go.

A past therapist of mine told me that I have a bit of a perfectionist streak in me. That sounded very strange to me because, like everyone else, I make mistakes, and not like some people, I'm able to admit when I've been wrong. I think I know what she meant now though. Being so hard on myself gives the impression that I think I should be perfect. But it's an impossible goal and there will always be times in my life when I make myself unhappy, and actually hurt myself, if I don't accept my human fallibility.

I don't know your situation, David. Are you retired? If so, and you don't really need more income, you might have better luck volunteering right now than finding employment.

[david13]

5. I'm retired but not voluntarily, and I need income.

My mother was a c a. Adult child of alcoholic. Due to the fact that the alcoholic, the grandfather, her father is frequently angry, which her father was, they become perfectionists. Nothing is ever good enough. As they perpetually fear the wrath of the alcoholic father.
And she transferred a lot of that to me. I look at the bad, the negative, I'm a perpetual cynic, nothing is ever good enough, I have a difficulty rejoicing in what good does come to me.
dc

[david13]

7. Let's try a song. Song therapy. It was long ago, by the 'Grassroots'

and was called 'Live for Today'. Once upon a time one of my favorite songs. I shall now, online, return to it, and probably find it there.
dc

[Louisiana1976]

8. This is something I need to learn, too--often my social anxiety is anticipatory.

[hunter]

9. I tend to identify with dogs a bit too much -- living in the present is too easy for me.

When I'm caught up in one of my obsessions the past and future essentially disappear. The present is all there is and if I have any glimmer of the the future I tend to see it as a potentially irritating interruption of what I'm doing at the moment.

In my misspent youth I used to be notorious for acquiring computer programming languages in maniacal binges. I'd read and write code for 16-20 hour stretches 'til my legs and butt hurt so bad I had to run 10k or so. It didn't matter to me where or when I'd run, which would sometimes lead to comical encounters with the police. Then I'd crash somewhere, and again, it didn't matter where or when, and then I'd repeat the cycle.

Having a family now and a pack of dogs I can't do that. First of all even if nobody is home but me the dogs will let me know when I've been writing too long and be quite insistent that I take a break.

[qb]

10. I have been learning about Buddhist mindfulness - focusing on the present.

It also parallels my cognitive therapy by teaching me to observe and analyze my negative emotions without letting them overwhelm me.