Anonymous: Chronic Mild Depression

[Louisiana1976]

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So what exactly does it mean to be functionally depressed--chronically mildly depressed? I could point you to all sorts of web resources (go ahead and google "chronic mild depression" if you don’t already have an idea what it is) but that’s an entire diary in and of itself. My purpose tonight is to share with you what it’s like to be functionally depressed on a regular basis.

It’s called functional depression because I do just that...I function. I get through every day that the depression finds me as best I can. Sometimes, I’m not very good at looking at the big picture or focusing on future plans because it tends to scare the you-know-what outta me. Lately, though, this has become necessary for me to do, and I’ve been working extra hard to keep functioning—as with anything in life, some days are better than others. I manage to get out of bed every day, go to work, interact with people, do various tasks as needed etc. I make friends pretty easily, but I do not trust easily--the # of people who actually know that I have a history of depression is miniscule, and I'd say that there are only 2, maybe 3, people reading this diary who would even know this is me writing this. I am a people person, and most people upon meeting me would never in a million years peg me as someone who suffers from depression. It’s not that I’m going out of my way to hide it, it’s just who I am.

Many with this kind of depression suffer on a daily basis. I'm one of the lucky ones. I don't...but I have bouts of it, and what I am going to share is what it is like when I'm in the throes of it. I'm also lucky in that I can often tell when a bout is about to find me and I can prepare myself- though sometimes I forget and it does catch me off guard. For example, I know what triggered this and that event has an anniversary. I know every year that this particular day is gonna be god-awful, but somehow forget until I wake up that morning. And yet I do what I do...I get up...I function...snapping a bit a friends along the way, but I survive to fight another day.

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more...http://www.dailykos.com/story/2009/9/24/786069/-Chronic-Tonic:-Chronic-Mild-Depression