Sex and mental illness

[Tobin S.]

I'm sure we're grown up enough in here to discuss this and not get the thread locked. I think it's an important mental health issue.

After I was diagnosed as having schizoaffective disorder I did a lot of reading on the subject of mental illness and I still do read on the subject occasionally. For a while there I thought I also had schizoid personality disorder- the symptoms seemed to fit early in my treatment. Then I read that the symptoms that I had were already explainable in my current diagnosed illness. Schizoid personality disorder is a distinct and separate illness from the one that I have.

One of the symptoms that I had was a decreased desire for sexual intimacy. However, it did not occur to me at the time that my sexual desire was actually normal before I started taking psychiatric medication. It's easy to get confused when you just start recovery after ten years of experiencing untreated mental illness, especially one that induces psychosis.

I'm 37, so of course, I'm not going to have the sex drive of an 18 year old. But everything still works alright, I just live like a monk compared to most single people my age. I have more desire for the emotional aspects of a relationship and the company than I do for sex. You can probably see how that could be a problem, especially when you consider that women hit their sexual peak in their 30s- last I heard anyway.

Given the choice of mental stability or increased sexual desire I'm going to take the psych meds every time, knowing how terrible my life would be without them. One advantage that I have now is that I'm not driven by sex; it doesn't cloud my vision and make me do stuff that is inadvisable. One disadvantage is that everyone I know thinks I'm strange. I'm afraid that might be a permanent condition. ;)

[qb]

1. I think you have a reasonable and healthy approach to this issue.

There's certainly nothing wrong with being strange. You are bound to make a lucky woman very happy, and vice versa. I wish you good luck in finding her. In the meantime, I recommend regular 'exercise' to make sure everything stays in good working order... if you know what I mean ;-)

[elleng]

2. I don't think you're strange, Tobin S, never have, never will!

As to the emotional aspects of a relationship and the company, I'm with you there!


:hi:

[PRETZEL]

3. One person's strange is another's normal,

you seem from the interactions we've had to be a pretty normal, straightforward guy. This post does nothing to change that opinion.

Not that my opinion is really of great import, but what's important to you is obviously what will make you happy. It's not the quantity that is of importance (remember you're not 18) but the quality. As for the belief that the sexual peaks may have some semblence in science, emotions and intimacy have no age limits. The quality of one's sexual experiences will alway make for better relationships and makes relationships that much stronger. When you meet that person who when you look into their eyes and you feel like you two are the only 2 people on earth, you won't need to have sex everyday, but when you do the feelings will be that much greater.

As pointed out earlier, there's many "exercises" one can do. There's not much more to add to that until that person comes around, and they will. Trust me, they will.

[mopinko]

4. it is a big obstacle in many treatments of many diseases.

i get very annoyed at the many threads here about viagra, et al., not that that is exactly what you are talking about. but many medications interfere with either desire or performance and make long term compliance very hard for a lot of people. the jokes around here about it, as though someone's sex life is some extravagance, really piss me off.
everybody is different, and if dear abby's readers are representative of anything, there are a lot of women out there who feel a lot like you do. this was a frequent topic back in the days when i read those old fashioned newspaper things. but, it is an important part of the fit that people have together. yes, take that however you want it. i wouldn't worry about the opinions of anyone that you have not been naked with. and i wouldn't worry about your own opinion until there is a little more of that going on. i suspect you will feel a little differently then.

good luck friend.

[AuntPatsy]

5. I don't know..you seem fairly normal....what is normal anyway...I assume the meds you are on help...

if your for real..you give me hope...I no longer had any concerning my daughter...perhaps..with the right meds..she can attempt to get her life back? I think what she needs is the right meds..and i have no idea how to ensure she gets it..she refuses to anywhere except to the psychiatrist to ensure she gets her meds monthly...other than that..

I just don't know...I have heard it can take years to want to come out of what she is now in...I don't know if she will survive it..we think the meds are in fact slowly killing her...

[Tobin S.]

6. If I'm anything, I'm real, Patsy.

I hope your daughter gets well soon. If she has just been diagnosed and recently started on meds, I'd give it a little while. They usually don't get the right meds at the right doses right off the bat. It can take some tinkering.

[AuntPatsy]

9. its been almost 18 months since she began this regulated drug cocktail

her dr prescribed.....I dont feel as if her dr cares enough to change anyhting....seems to me that she continues the same treatment based on my daughter saying she no longer hears voices.....I think she is lying.... dr sees little

[mopinko]

7. how old is your daughter?

maybe you could start a thread about what you are going through. some of us are here because we have family members with mental illness. i have a bipolar daughter.

i will just reply to one thing that you said, tho.

..we think the meds are in fact slowly killing her...

although psyche meds are serious business, untreated mental illness has a tendency to kill quickly. be vigilant, but be very careful about skepticism. it is a hard thing to do, giving over your thought process to pharmaceuticals. it takes a lot of support. try to be as unconditional as possible. she is likely in no kinda place for nuance.

[AuntPatsy]

8. she is 27 and the reason I am on this thread...two years ago she was diagnosed

with borderline bi-polar and borderline schysophrenic....such a long story will have to tell when I am alone..husband not dealing with it very well if at all..his solution these days is to throw out her meds...that terrifies me..he keeps threatening to...he is here now so another time...I would not only love to. I need to...the whole family believes she can get better by taking away meds. they are crazier than they believe her to be if they believe that..

[mopinko]

10. jeebus

when you get time....

[AuntPatsy]

12. if you get time.. i would like to hear your daughters story....i have to type

to slow and softly right now to tell mine ....id like to know how you are handling it all and if your husband if you have one is like mine

[mopinko]

13. well, that is a long story.

husband and i still don't see quite eye to eye on some things, but it is not that bad. at the worst of it, it was hard, but he did carry a big chunk of the weight. i was not all that well at the time. mostly just too damned tired for some of it. he does tend to the self-serving answer of- it'll be ok. translated- i can deny this. me, i worry.
she is doing ok. not sure what she will ever be able to build for herself. she has a hard time looking forward, but her dad helps her out. i fear we will always be bailing her out of one thing or another.
she still does not get along that well with me, but her dad can almost always get through to her. much better than it was, tho.

we were lucky that we were able to get her a lot of non-pharma help. she was in a therapeutic day school, and they were great. she is in college, and hanging on. that would not have happened without them.
sounds like you are in a fucked up place. sometimes these things can chase their own tails. and it is hard as hell on parents. lots of blaming, lots of regrets, lots of pain, lots of confusion.
meds are hard. how long has she been trying?

[AuntPatsy]

11. she lives like a nun ......she seems terrified of sex....she was once

the belle of the ball so to speak but to flirtatious and to concerned with looks .....her friends long gone seemingly terrified of her...a couple of her exes have attempted to help not to long ago....sadly....they found it too difficult.....dont blame them.....she is no longer the girl they once knew....she rarely bathes and cares not how she looks any longer....almost as if it ensures they stay away....i think her meds to be wrong....not all of them but a few

[Tobin S.]

14. She may not be telling the doctor everything he/she needs to know

She may also need a new doctor. I know that my doctor is resistant to changing my meds, and that kind of attitude can seem very intimidating when you are sitting there in his office with your head not quite right. If your daughter and her doctor will allow it, see if you can sit in on a session and give your perspective. They may not allow it but it's worth a shot. My mom sat in on a session with me and my doctor one time.

[AuntPatsy]

15. Going to get her tommorow....and bring her with me while I have to be out of town

I contacted NAMI yesterday via email as someone mentioned them and I have yet to hear from them...I am going to attempt to get her to another dr in a while norther area....I have sat in every single session with her..she does not like to go in alone...and she won't but other than small talk, the dr really does not listen to my imput...she simply asks my daughter pretty much the same questions every single time..

when I point out she is not exactly moving forward she looks at me a bit sternly and tells me to be patient..in other words..stay out of it....and then proceeds to tell my daughter to get out and exercises etc etc etc which of course she pays no attention to when we get home..

she does always talk about doing this and that...tanning..she was addicted to it but when it comes down to actually walking out the door..it is always tommorow...tommorow...

well...we shall see if perhaps I can get the nami organization in this area to help .....as of yet no response ....I will call them I guess if they don't email me back...

I could care less if she comes back to me the way she was..frankly she was a bit self absorbed before...I just want her to be able to learn to enjoy life again and be able to make it on her own if need be...I worry constantly about that..I am not getting any younger...



Hope your doing okay still...I guess the best way to handle anything is taking it one day at a time...my philosophy anyway....but sometimes you have to attempt looking a bit into the future to aid in you in deciding what would be a good issue to tackle on this one particular day...

It is sad what you go through by the way...I am amazed that you have found humor in how people tend to shy from you..but glad you have learned to deal with it..

sometimes, no all the time I believe the majority of people around the world are simply shallow when it comes to first impressions and that saddens me...it saddens me that when I see a homeless person and I am alone I am leery when they come to me...asking for this or that...I am sorry that I tend to get a bit leery that they might not exactly have the best of intentions but if I have something to give..I do give it and hurry on..

we have become a sad world in many ways..scared of our own shadows and reluctant to open ourselves up to even a neighbor who perhaps have lived next to you for a good ten years...

I miss back in the day when I knew all my neighbors on a first name basis and did care without hesitation not only what was going on in my life but theirs as well...

and I am saddened that I feel that no one honestly wants to talk about mental issues..it has become taboo regardless of some pretending it has not...no one wants to admit anything because they are fearful of others not understanding and making instant impressions regardless if such is true...it just does not seem to matter anymore..

too many lables..and not enough empathy = welcome to the twenty first century where ignorance is a human mainstay

maybe some day you will find someone to give you that second chance...at least I hope you do...

[mopinko]

17. i just gotta say- sitting in on sessions

i am shocked that the doc would allow it. if i were you, i would try to get out of there, or at least be silent. i cannot see how she can make any progress if therapy sessions are not about her, period. sorry to be blunt. but i am shocked.

[uriel1972]

16. Hey tobin thought I might share my experience

seeing as how we have the same diagnosis and it seems are the same age. I started down my path at the age of 10 or 11 so I don't have a before period to compare my sexual desire. Going through puberty was difficult with depression and psychosis I was singled out for vicious bullying by girls as well as boys. It was humiliating to be the one that girls had to kiss if they lost truth or dare and other such delights.

I too live like a monk and would like the intimicy of a relationship, but I don't trust other people enough to even think of one beyond day-dreaming.

It has always been strange, I felt and sometimes still feel like an alien because I think with the head on top of my shoulders and not with the one in my pants. It is nice to know I'm not alone. I am a 37 year old virgin and will probably die one. I am OK with this, but I have a wistful regret that I am missing one of life's rich experiences.

Does anyone else find 'there's someone out there for you' to be a very scary thought?