Infant Bereavement Photography

[Samurai_Writer]

I read this on a thread in GD, and thought it would be a good topic for discussion here. There is an organization, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep at http://www.nilmdts.org/ that offers photography services for parents of their newborns who do not live long outside the womb. They are actually asking for photographers to join their organization in all major cities in the US.

Could you do something like this, photographing a baby you know is minutes from death? I don't think I could do it -- it sounds just too creepy.

[CC]

1. My first reaction was no way could I

do this,its is creepy. Then I went to the site and thought a bit. I think I could do it as long as it was as a gift and the parents choice. They have so little to keep as a memento I know a well done photo would be priceless and this group does a much better job than what the hospital would do. It would be hard to do emotionally and looks like they do provide support. Not sure it would always be a baby with in minutes of death either. Some babies do survive days, even months with good medical care. Then again I have a 26 yr. old little brother that spent the first two weeks of his life bouncing between a 2 and 10 percent chance at surviving.

[NashVegas]

2. Seems Kind of Pornographic

I think I could do it if it were my own kid, but someone elses? You'd have to build up some kind of immunity to it.

[F.Gordon]

3. I hope my comments don't offend anyone

But this is really really sick. I mean..... pixs of dead babies?
:wtf:

My memory is little off right now.... I'd need to ask Ms "Kovel" F' about it... but I vaguely remember that this was a common thing 100 years ago but most of the photos have been either destroyed or picked up by "collectors".

They'd setup "Family Portraits" with the dead babies/children all dressed up. I also recall that postmortem baby snaps were all the rage 100 years ago. I just think this is plain sick.

IMHO

[CC]

4. Having read the site these are pics of live

babies, but that are dying. Maybe that is why I didn't think it was so awful. Except for age and time on earth it really isn't any different than capturing the memories of someone older with cancer or any of the other terminal illnesses. Least that is how I was looking at it. BTW they still take pics of stillborns etc. I do have a hard time with that. But it is up to the family that is going through the mourning what they want. But then I don't believe in viewings before funerals either though they seem to be mandatory around here.

BTW not offended. And it was an emotionally hard site to read.

[F.Gordon]

5. This "Kodak Moment" .... looks dead to me

I don't want to get into a whole death thing. Some of the most powerful photojournalist pixs ever taken focus on the subject of death.... but I have a problem with the veiled celebration of death.

And an adult... an elderly person... on the the verge of death? There is a life there that can be associated with the person. An infant/baby hasn't experienced life yet. The only association is the love-association that baby has with its parents, siblings.... I look at some of these photos and I "see" the family and not the baby.

I'll stfu on this subject. Just the ramblings of an ol' fart who still hasn't recovered from the effects of reduced nicotine.
:smoke:

:hi:

[CC]

8. Now that I could not do.

That is a bit out there for me.
But I could do ones like this.
http://www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/user_files/image/medium/Seraphine9.bmp
But then again I did hang around a neonatal unit for a little over 3 months when my brother was born. Babies do get personalities even with tubes and wires helping them live.

[F.Gordon]

10. Dang. I said I would STFU

You have specific memories in this regards and I do not. You've photographed the celebration of life side of this subject and I have not.

It is your own perspective and my own complete lack of perspective that perhaps has the two of us lookin' at this whole thing quite differently.

Take the photo you offered up... and crop Mom out of it...



Do you still see a personality? I don't. When Mom is back in the picture things change a bit. I do see the personality of the mother projecting onto the infant, but remove Mom from the photo and what do you have?

:hi:

[CC]

11. But I don't want you to shut up, lol

The back and forth has made me go beyond my first reaction of eeewww no way and really think about it from different viewpoints. Though to be completely honest I am not sure I could do the photos because it would just be too depressing to me. But if the parents really want someone to take photos I am glad they can find someone willing to do it.

[TahitiNut]

6. I agree. Ghoulish. Santorum-like. (Gives me the creeps.)

A baby fer krissakes. It's not like they developed a personality, values, and relationships. (sigh) Tragic losses ... but memorializing them? Nope. Not my cup of tea. No way.

[Immad2]

7. No. Sick idea. Why would anyone want to remember an infants death?

My first born died 4 hours after birth and I definitely don't want to relive that with pictures.

[NashVegas]

9. I Don't Think It's About Remembering Their Death

If it were me, I'd want it as a way to have something concrete of their life. But I'd want to take it myself, using my own shooting style, not dressed up in the professional portrait style these are. They have a fantasy look about them.

[Eurobabe]

13. I agree, more of a celebration of life, however short...

if it were me, I would do it. But then again it's not for everyone. I am not sure if my friend would have wanted to capture a photo of her stillborn son, I know it was incredibly painful for them. Like nature is backwards. But I guess the photo might become part of the healing process...

Some of the stories do rip your heart out, like the little girl who lived for 6 months and had open heart surgery? Then she died. Quite sad, but I thought it was lovely that the family had a portrait of all of their children, including the sick baby together. She was part of the family, even if just for six months.

I am not sure whether I liked the photos of the babies with the parents wedding rings on its fingers, now that was a bit much.

[Eurobabe]

12. I just looked at the website and see nothing wrong with it

So many times an infant passes, and the parents are all wrapped up in the moment, I doubt whether they even think to take a picture of their child. Even if it is stillborn, it lived in the mother's womb and there is great grief for the parents to lose a baby in this way (I know because my best friend's first child had the umbilical cord wrap around his neck and died 3 days before birth, so he was dead when she had an induced labor).

I looked at the pictures on the website and think it is a very brave and noble photographer that could take such pictures. I thought many of the photos were quite touching (a few were maudlin). Just my .02 for this evening. -48%er

[Ms. Toad]

14. I find the idea intriguing.

My brother and his wife knew before birth that their son would need heart surgery after birth. He was whisked away immediately after birth for surgery - I'm not sure they got to hold him before surgery at all. Post surgery he was hooked to all sorts of machines, and chemically paralyzed so that his movements would not disturb the life sustaining devices or use any of the energy he needed to heal.

A week or so later, they were faced with the very difficult choice of whether to remove the life sustaining devices, as it turned out that his heart was more severely damaged than they had expected and the surgery did not allow him to live independently. They chose to remove life support, and were able to share a few minutes with him unparalyzed and without tubes and machines before he died. During that brief time they were able to strengthen their pre-birth connection with him, something that had been difficult when he was being supported by the machines and kept immobile.

One of the regrets they expressed at the time was that no one thought to bring a camera to celebrate and record the only few minutes of their son's life that he was machine free and able to interact with them. The vast majority of their memories, and all of their photos, are of the absolutely still waif with tubes running into his body and hooked to machines. His parents don't really know whether he looks like his older brother (who strongly resembles his mother's side of the family), his younger brother (who strongly resembles his father's side of the family), or entirely different. For the most part now, my nephew only exists as a generic silhouette on his grandmother's grandchild necklace and as a name on a gravestone in the children's graveyard where his remains are buried. Over time I think I would find photographs like these comforting.

The photographer whose skills got this project started sounds extraordinary (from the description by the mother while Maddux was still on life support):

<<At the moment, I wasn’t aware of the time and preparation that Sandy had put into setting all of this up. She had brought a black back drop with her that was clipped to the ceiling, picture frames and even a table. The 3 female employees with her, were each holding a light, reflector and a distance reader. A digital screen was set up to display her images from her camera. She had even thought to bring black turtle necks, that Daddy and Mommy each wore. Then, I sat in a rocking chair holding you, my baby. Soft music was playing in the background. Sandy very slowly started taking our photo. Every now and then, she would gently ask Mommy and Daddy to move our heads, tilt our chins or place our hands in a certain position. . . . Sandy and her employees quietly left Mommy and Daddy alone in the room with you and your nurse, Angie. . . >>

Resuming after Maddux had died <<Sandy and her staff gingerly walked back into our room. Mommy carried you over to the rocking chair and gently cradled you in my arms. Sandy then resumed taking our photo. Mommy could see Daddy watching our images come up on Sandy's screen. (Later that evening, Daddy had said to me he had never seen your Mommy more beautiful, or more gentle with you.) Again, everyone was crying uncontrollably. I loved being able to sit there and hold you with no wires or tubes connected to your tender, soft body. Mommy stroked your lips, kissed you gently. You just looked like a beautiful baby in a deep sleep. . . . After Sandy had finished with our session, Mommy and Daddy remembered thanking her over and over for being with us, and all she had done. We were so grateful. Then she said something that has never left me. She thanked us! Yes, Thanked Mommy and Daddy for putting our trust in her and letting her be apart of what we were experiencing. Daddy tried to pay her and her staff for being there, but they all adamantly refused. They all said how honored they felt being able to be with us. They didn’t even pack up their equipment. They just carried it into the hall, and started to dissemble it out there. They knew we wanted to be alone with you again.>> http://www.nilmdts.org/index.cfm?PAGE_ID=101

I would need considerably more practice as a portrait photographer before my photographic equipment skills were automatic enough that I would feel confident that I could exercise them without intruding on the very personal moments I was capturing.

[Eurobabe]

15. I totally agree, I think many parents in this situation

are so caught up in the angst, that they would never even think to take a photograph of a child that was very real to them, for however short a time. For a photographer, it would take nerves of steel, and possibly some counseling skills (on detachment) to be able to do such a thing. I tend to cry at the drop of a hat when I see something deeply personal and touching, I would have to practice telling myself that this is a celebration of life, instead of a death that came too soon. That part would be difficult, I guess because I have been blessed with two healthy children, and would start thinking about my girls, that might set me off...but in general I think this is a wonderful service.

Those that want it will seek it out, those that don't won't.

[Madrone]

16. This isn't exactly the same - but when my friend's 3 y/o daughter died

When my friend's 3 y/o daughter died in a car accident that occured when she (my friend) was driving we took pictures of everything. The funeral, the terrible bruises on my friend's body that occured as a result of the seatbelt, the baby in her casket, the people that were there at the funeral, the accident site, etc.

She has 3 remaining children - all boys. The youngest one was born after his sister died, and the 2nd youngest (also in the car on impact) will never know/remember their sister. These pictures will help them understand when they are older. Additionally, my friend was an understandable emotional wreak during this entire time. The pictures help her string bits of memories together, and remember the outpouring of love and support she received from the people present. There are some very beautiful and poignant pictures that were taken during this time. I'm SO glad we did it - even though it was sort of uncomfortable at the time - there were people that thought it in poor taste initially, but after thinking about it were thankful we did it after all.