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Steele Touts GOP Outreach Effort As Flaming Success
NEW ORLEANS, Lousiana - Michael Steele, the newly-minted head of the Republican National Committee (RNC) was in the Cresent City today promoting his party's latest attempts to draw non-traditional voters into the GOP fold. Steele said he looked forward to welcoming these two ladies into the Republican "big tent," as soon as one minor gender-related issue regarding their voter registration applications was cleared up. It has also been reported that former Idaho Senator Larry Craig has offered his services to the RNC, to assist in bringing the issue to a head.
Gov. Tim Kaine, Steele's counterpart at the Democratic National Committee (DNC) scoffed at the idea that the Republican ranks "would swell" as a result of such efforts. The DNC head was quoted as saying, "No matter how big their tent is, it will always have only one, very small closet."
Steele later boasted to reporters that, "New Orleans has always been a Republican-friendly environment, despite all the stories to the contrary that appear in the liberally-biased mainstream media." As a case in point, Steele reminded those gathered how, "...even during the worst part of Katrina, thousands of African-American residents of the city climbed up on their roofs, to get a better glimpse of former President Bush, as his plane flew over the flood-ravaged city at 33,000 feet. People were, quite literally, dying to see the President."
Steele's visit to the area was filled with several scheduled events as part of the RNC's "hip hop" effort to increase Republican numbers in a traditionally Democratic area. Steele said he was pleased to hear that the percentage of New Orleans' voters who were registered Republicans had actually increased since Hurricane Katrina. When a local reporter responded that was the result of the fact that so many African-American residents, who tend to register as Democrats, were never able to return to their damaged or destroyed homes, Steele snapped back, "Heck of a job, Whitey. Can't you ever cut a brother some slack?"
Earlier in the day, Steele appeared in Baton Rouge, with Gov. Bobby Jindal, prior to the Governor's disasterous response to President Obama's rousing speech before Congress and the American people Tuesday evening. At an invitation-only GOP event in the State capitol, Steele appeared on stage with Gov. Jindal, former presidential candidate Alan Keyes, and former Representative J.C. Watts. Speaking about rumors that Gov. Jindal might ultimately be the Republican Party's presidential nominee in 2012, Steele said, "The day is here. The time is now. It will be a proud moment for the GOP, if Bobby Jindal becomes our party's first African-American nominee for the highest office in the land."
Subsequent to the event, Steele's office released the following statement:
"Chairman Steele believes he made an honest mistake, and apologizes to any Native American who might have been offended at the comment. Of course, the GOP would be as equally proud to have an Indian in the White House, as an African-American. Furthermore, we have reached out to Senator Shelby of Alabama, to determine whether he has, in fact, ever seen Gov. Jindal's birth certificate, while conducting his critical research into President Obama's birth certificate. We will follow up on that, as things develop."
The RNC also released a schedule of Ash Wednesday events for the GOP, around the State of Louisiana, as follows:
Baton Rouge: 8:30 am Governor's Prayer Breakfast Bishop William Jefferson will give the invocation and forgive Gov. Jindal for the terrible speech he made last night on national TV.
Kenner: 10:30 am Invitation-only Fundraiser Sponsored by the RNC Chairman Steele will introduce Gov. Jindal, who will perform a live exorcism of a far left-wing liberal. NOTE: This is a $10,000/plate invitation-only event.
New Orleans: 1 pm to 5 pm Panel Discussion at the Superdome: The Future of the GOP, in the Age of Obama
Scheduled to appear:
Governor Sarah Palin Topic: Hiding Hypocricy - Keeping the Kids & In-Laws Out of The Tabloids
Governor Mike Huckabee Topic: Resurrecting Religious Wedge Issues That Most Folks Don't Care About
Senator John McCain Topic: Facebook, Twitter, MySpace and Other Technologies to Ignore
Governor Mitt Romney Topic: My Personal Housing Crisis - So Many To Sell, With No One to Buy
New Orleans: 8 pm - Midnight Mardi Gras Gayla In the French Quarter
Keynote Speech: 9:30 pm Joe the Plumber: I Could Have Fixed that Leak in the Levee
Special Appearance (via video from Dallas at 10:30 pm) Former Pres. George W. Bush:Life After the Presidency - My New Job at Elliot's Hardware NOTE: This event has been CANCELLED!!!! The former President goes to bed at 8:45 pm.
New Orleans: 1 am - ? Post-Gayla Private Party Private "entertainment" provided by Senator David Vitter
This report was compiled from various bits of rumor, gossip, RNC talking points, and made-up stuff as reported by Faux News, Worldnet Daily, conservative talk radio, the so-called "liberal" media, and an innumerable roster of discredited political pundits and hacks, some of whom actually pass themselves off as unbiased reporters.
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