do people really believe you?

[flaminbats]

almost ten years ago something unforgettable happened to me.

When I was growing up, my grandfather and parents taught me how to water-ski. My uncle later taught me how to slalom..and eventually I taught myself how to ski board. The first day I tried, I fell three times before getting up. It took several weeks after that before I could even get out of the wake, a little while longer before I could handle the waves outside the wake, and a few weeks after that before I mastered the slalom.

When I was in college I took some classes in Pascal, and worked very closely on the programs in that class with the other students. During our breaks they talked frequently about snow-skiing and how much they loved it. One of my friends mentioned he could also water-ski, I said I could too..and asked "is snow-skiing was anything like it?"

He only rolled his eyes and replied.."sure it is!!"

At the end of that quarter we all visited our Professor who lived on the lake. He took us out on the boat to water-ski. I spent most of my time giving advice to those who had never tried before..but for some reason none of them seemed to be listening. Only the one I already knew could water-ski got up!

Then it was my turn..I went last, I picked up the slalom ski and was about to jump in, as the student who got up on skies that day, stopped me and asked "are you really sure you want to try that? after all..it is your first time isn't it?"

I was a little bit shocked..but responded.."no, I've been doing this for years!"

They all laughed at me..and my teacher said "ok, jp..have it your way!!!"

Then I jumped in..and for the first time in years showed off to the others what I could really do! Then I got back in the boat and was getting applause..someone said to me "that was awesome!" another said "we didn't know you could ski!"

I shocked to hear those words..and wondered even more why I tried so hard to help them, if not one of them was taking me seriously! But the questions didn't stop..."that was awesome, you looked like a professional out there..but why didn't you tell us you could ski?"

I finally lost my temper, "I told every one of you I could water ski! I even went last to give some of you tips on getting up, so why are any of you so shocked?!" :grr:

One of them looked at me..chuckled and said "you do have a tendency to exaggerate things jp!"

I looked at him and asked "are you calling me a lier or can you really snowski?"

he smiled and said "no"..then quickly changed the subject!

shortly before I left that night, my professor stopped me after a great party and told me something else I'll never forget! he said when I jumped in with the slalom, they were all laughing and joking "what a fool I was going to look like falling down.."

He said that I had the last laugh, and should be very proud about that! I thanked him and left. But I still feel bad..honesty is something I've always prided myself on, and my willingness to help others before myself. How long did my fellow students view me as just another bragging chest thumper? How often do people doubt my words or honesty when I talk with them? Do any of you have this problem with people you know, and why does it happen? Worst of all..how many people who think we are dishonest, only tell us after our story becomes indisputable?

[Wapsie B]

1. I know what you're saying.

The quickest way to anger me is to ignore me when I'm trying to tell someone something. It's as if their ego won't accept the fact that I may know more about something than they do. I just do an internal meltdown when that happens. What I'd like to know is how do you create instant credibility?

[raccoon]

2. Let me know if you find out.

I've had things similar to that experience the OP told about. I remember a guy I dated (briefly) as a teenager seemed shocked and incredulous when I said I could swim (which I could).

As I've gotten older, with this sort of thing, a lot of times it doesn't bother me. Maybe it's because I don't give a shit. :-)

It's hard to remember, but this really says more about the other person than it does about you.

[flaminbats]

7. excellent question..

maybe I should evaluate my ability to question my morals and actions, before I criticize the credibility or arguments of another. I know what you mean about being ignored, strangely enough I've found the older I get..the more attention I want from others, but when I was younger I wondered why older people just couldn't leave me alone! Unfortunately I think a fact of life is just the opposite, the older we get..the less people will pay attention to what we say..and the younger or more attractive a person is, the more others will listen.

But credibility is certainly something that conflicts with a person's ego, because all of us expect to be viewed as honest and right..but never believe ourselves to be immoral or unlikable.

[Gregorian]

3. I can't believe I just read that.

The short answer to your question is YES.

I've experienced the same thing. Over and over. And I"m fucking tired of it.

And I don't know why. Well, I have a couple of theories. I have crappy memory. For some things. I can remember the license number on our family car from 1961. Our phone number from the same time period. But I can't remember what I did yesterday. The people who I have had this kind of experience with are like little Roves. They have nearly photographic memory. And they speak with a kind of authority that get's people to listen and believe. I don't. I also pride myself in being honest.

My story is also in college. I and my friend were both mechanical engineering students. We're at a party. And as usual, my friend is spouting off about something, with a gathering around him. As he's speaking, I realize that what he is saying is false. The hard part is, I could have told the truth and they wouldn't have listened. I sat there incensed, watching people eat up his lies.

I should add that this guy went from liberal to Republican over the last fifteen years. And as a result, lost me as a friend.

He is a very bright person. However, since I know he is prone to being confident about himself, even when he's wrong, I don't believe anything he says. As a result, I would never take his advice on a single issue.

I know how you felt.


Edit- Oh, by the way. This guy who should know better, being an engineer, has also taken it upon himself to pick and choose his facts. He argues with me (including a little Bush snicker that he has) that global warming doesn't exist.

[trackfan]

4. I have the problem of people believing me least when I am being

absolutely the most sincere. I think I would make a better liar than truth-teller. In fact, I had to take a lie detector test to get a job once (back when they could still do that). I basically did fine, and ended up getting the job. I even admitted to drug use, etc. However, there was one question that kept showing me to be lying - and it was one that I was definitely telling the truth on, because I felt kind of strongly proud about it, that is, that I had never stolen - even as much as a pen - from a previous employer. Ever since then I've never felt that lie detector tests were anything but worthless.

[amandae]

5. Yes

Before, it bothered me most with people I dated. This one guy I dated, when I was about 20, had a habit of treating me as though I were an idiot. He thought he was so damn smart and whenever I said anything to him he would say, "where did you get that from?" or something similar. He treated me as though he wanted me to provide footnotes and citations to each conversation we had. I KNOW I got him at least once though. We were discussing one of my lifelong dreams, which was to be a snowboard bum - board in the winters up here and then when spring/summer was hitting, go down to New Zealand and board through their winter and come back for our winter, etc. He was totally amazed at my ignorance. He argued with me that New Zealand doesn't have seasons that are opposite of ours during the year. I told him that they definitely DO! He just acted like I was such a fool over it. I frequently visited the library in town and my next visit, on my way out, I passed the reference section. On a whim I looked up the information regarding hemispheres and proximity to the sun during the year. I photocopied the information and gave it to him the next time I saw him.

What a damn fool I was to let that guy get to me! I ran into him a couple of years after we dated and we had a few conversations. I remember thinking, "why did I think this guy was so smart?" One thing he has is a lot of confidence when he speaks, which makes him sound like an authority. But the older I get the more I realize that authority in your presentation is not the same thing as being an intelligent person.

[DireStrike]

6. I'm glad to hear that some women aren't taken in by "confidence"

At least, not as much as they always were...

I've had exactly one relationship with a girl I really loved and cared for, and she dumped me because I wasn't confident enough. A major cause of my self-confidence issues was that my mother abandoned me.... so yeah, that wasn't very good. It's 4 years later and I'm just now starting to come out again. The worst part is she's my only real friend (Of course she didn't want to date but still wanted to be friends; that's universally read as "you're not good enough".) And I kind of need her support. Which means I have to hear about how she doesn't have time for me because her social calendar is too full or she's seeing her boyfriend that day or blah blah, success, happiness, etc. She evokes just about every emotion I'm capable of having. I need to get away from her. I know that, but I still wish we could be together.

[suziedemocrat]

8. When I lived in Indiana, no one EVER believed me!

But my brother is a total bull-shit artist and complete liar, and everyone ALWAYS believes him. This really pisses me off.

I think Republicans have a more difficult time figuring out who is telling the truth because they go by "confidence" and "presentation", and liars are often more confident that truth-tellers. I'm in an area of mostly Democrats now and they seem to believe what I say. My experience is that most Republicans are liars and cheats themselves, so they assume the rest of the world is as well. And they are like the school bullies who like ot pick on people who seem "weak".