I was just browsing these groups

[lynch03]

This is probably a nonsensical rant, I don't know, I don't even know if I get what I'm saying myself. Don't feel obliged to reply, only if you want to, I just felt like sharing this.

As I was saying, I was browsing the groups here and this one caught my eye and many of the posts resembled personality traits I possess. I am just confused because when I am alone for a somewhat long period of time I become depressed, but when I go out with people to try and cure the loneliness, it doesnt take long where I feel I have had enough socialization. It's an awkward balance that I have to maintain. Personally I think some of my depression with being alone has to do with society's expectation's. I feel I'm weird if I am content with being alone, and it's not normal, thus the depression and feeling I have to socialize yet getting bored and wanting to be alone again quickly.

I think I was always like this but I had a decent balance. It was like 65 percent of the time being alone, but the rest of the time I always filled with socialization. I did enjoy the involved friendship, but I can't say that much of it wasn't feeling like I had to, there were times when I really wanted to engage in my friendships, but usually seldom. It is to be noted though, if it is just me and a good friend, I can enjoy prolonged socialization, but while out with a group, my tolerance goes way down. I think some of my resistance to socialization might be because I feel to obligated to steer the conversation.I feel so nervous if there's nothing to talk about, I feel it's my fault for wasting the persons time, to the point where going out with someone is almost a shore, where I am always trying to make sure something interesting is happening. I don't know

I think I am slowly surpassing the line that would be considered someone who just likes his time alone, to someone who in the future may turn out to be full blown loner. I say this mostly because of the situation I am in, ever since I have gone on meds for depression I just dont' feel as if I can relate to anyone anymore. It kinda screwed things up for me in the head, and it just hindered my already not so good social ability. I am away at college, and even though all the way throughout my high school years I was able to find a group of friends, that just isn't happening here. I just feel my personality has been sucked from me and I just can't relate to people like I use to. I can't really keep conversations going anymore, I don't know, my memory is also bad, and that hinders conversation to. I definitely feel the trigger was meds, and upsetting a balance in my brain permanently. This I believe is what triggered what I believe will probably be my future as a loner, where as usually I may have had a side of my life for socialization, that just doesn't seem to be happening now.

[smirkymonkey]

1. You are not alone - I feel the same way.

I thing a large part of what gets me down about being alone a lot (by choice) is that I feel there is something wrong with it and I feel pressure to be different than I really am. Also, I am getting to the point where, the more I know about people, the less I want to spend time with them. I just find it too difficult and frequently not worth the effort.

I pretty much operate the way you do, and have similar problems with depression. I am also extremely hypersensitive and that makes being around people even more difficult. I pick up on peoples moods, energy, hostility, etc. and it affects my own mood. Also I tend to feel responsible for other people's feeling and moods when I am in a group and then I feel bad about myself.

I think it's about finding a balance. Personally, I would love to have a few dogs and then get together with good friends occasionally, but I could do without the forced socializing. I don't even really like to socialize w/ people from work, but mostly because it's a forced situation and they are not people that I would CHOOSE to be with.

[cwydro]

3. I never noticed this forum before

and just found it today. I know how you feel...I don't have the depression issues too much....but sometimes I think I should get out more. Then I realize I just don't want to...

[bemildred]

2. Makes perfect sense to me.

I would try to ditch the meds and find some other way to make myself feel good. You might also try reading Aneli Rufus' "Loner Manifesto" or "The Highly Sensitive Person" by Elaine Aron to help get yourself oriented.