Your input/advice needed by this loner

[Be Brave]

Hi. I have not been following discussions in this group, but like you, I am a loner and a proven one at that. I need input/advice from you guys.

It is part of my job to travel regularly to meet up with other professionals in my line of work. There is one such meeting coming up, where I and my colleagues crawl out of our offices from all over the country and meet to discuss our work. Usually, we spend a day or two at work and then have a social dinner at a restaurant. Thing is, none of my colleagues are really my friends, and I usually am not enthusiastic about going out to dinner with them, after already spending the entire day at work with them. And being the loner that I am, I would certainly be miserable at the dinner. Would it be unwise for me to skip the dinner? I would appreciate your input/advise on this.

(Mind you, I enjoy the company of my real non-work friends, and would never skip out on them when it comes to a nice dinner.)

[DemExpat]

1. ooooh... I am pretty sure that I would try to get out of this one...

only because after a whole day my brain and senses would be screaming overload...

Let's see...I would probably say that I wasn't feeling well and wanted to lie down.
Or that I had some family business that needed tending to on the phone....:shrug:

I hate lies, but have used the more innocent white lies to help me bow out of certain situations.

:hi:

DemEx

[Be Brave]

3. That's how I usually feel at the end of the day, too,

overloaded senses. What makes it worse for me is that most of the rest of the group are buddy-buddies with each other. So I'll really be sticking out like a sore thumb.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[bemildred]

2. I used to be in this position a lot.

Make an excuse, or go and leave early. You know, have one drink and
chat a bit, and then go "meet a friend" or something. With people that
know you well and are comfortable with you in general, you can just
have other business, etc. People that don't know you may think you
"don't like them" and take offense, so it's useful to give them a
bit of the warm-puppy feeling, a bit of reassurance.

Never habitually show up and stay to the end, unless you want to.
You will go nuts.

[Be Brave]

4. Well, these are not exactly sensitive people, so I'm not sure

I'll even be missed. The group has no warm, fuzzy side to it whatsoever, which is a big part of why I want to stay away. It is a very cold profession. I appreciate your thoughts, bemildred. I hope you no longer find yourself in these situations.

[bemildred]

5. Then I would just blow them off, politely of course.

No, I don't do that anymore. :-)

Edit: From what you say, the one reason there might be to show up
is if there was some professional relevance to the dinner.

[LWolf]

6. I've done this quite a bit.

I have to say that I actually like my colleagues, and enjoy having dinner with them.

Strengthening professional relationships can be a good thing, professionally. That's done even if it is a social evening. So I will usually go, making sure that I take myself there and can leave when I want to. I don't carpool. If the restaurant is in the hotel, or within walking distance, even better. I'm well-known for being an "early bird," so it's easy for me to say something like, "It's been great seeing you, but I've got to go. It's past my bedtime." They'll grin and wave me off.

The last occasion I was supposed to show up at dinner, I didn't. We were meeting at a bus stop to ride to some restaurant someone wanted to try. There were people in the group I knew well and liked, and people in the group that I knew well enough to not like. I just didn't cut my last session short in time to make the bus, and told them apologetically the next morning that the bus was already gone when I got there.

If I'm sure I don't want to, simply saying "I'm really tired," or, "I'm not feeling well, I think I'll have dinner in my room and go to bed," works just fine.

I've noticed that many of my colleagues don't understand how I can be content and comfortable on my own in a strange city; I can eat alone in restaurants, see movies alone, etc.. I guess they don't realize that I do that at home, as well.

[Be Brave]

7. Thank you for that, LWolf.

I'm glad you enjoy having dinner with your colleagues. I have gone to many of these dinners, and I've heard of the reasoning that it is a good thing to do for one's career. In my case, it has not helped any. :) For this upcoming one I am being so resistant to it. I kinda know what the evening will be like.

[Skittles]

8. make an appearance but have an excuse to leave early

that's what I would do