College sucks.

[Emops]

Doesn't it?

I’m torn between being the introvert/loner I am in my heart and the social person I feel I should be and halfway want to be. I’m terrible at making friends, so I joined groups like Amnesty International and the College Democrats. But, they dissolved pretty quickly (my school of 20,000+ is really apathetic). The only other real groups here are the College Republicans (if anyone needed to be loners, it’s them) and the Kampus Krusade for Khrist, which my Christian faith forbids me from joining.

When I’m in class, no one talks to me, despite my best efforts to appear personable and friendly. And whenever I gather the strength to actually initiate small talk or something, they’ll just ignore me, without fail. It’s like I’m wearing a sign that says, ”Don’t Even Bother.” I hate college life with a passion. All I see are friends laughing, couples holding hands, etc, etc. Never in my twenty-two years have I had someone I could honestly call a friend. I know friendship’s not impossible, but I’m clueless as to where to start. I’ve never dated and doubt I ever will (I’m not particularly funny or charming, and I’m as ugly as Bush is stupid), and as much as that hurts, I know it’s something I’m going to have to deal with.

Whenever I’m around people, I can’t wait to be by myself, and whenever I’m by myself, I’m depressed that I have no friends. I guess I feel like I should’ve at least been offered the choice of being a loner rather than having it thrust upon me.

Anyway, I’m leaving college after this quarter is over, and depending on how things turn out, I’ll either be going into the military or going to a larger school where my opportunities will hopefully widen.
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Edit: I really don't feel as sorry for myself as this rambling, pitiful post makes it seem.:)

[bemildred]

1. Try Sierra Club, kayaking, cycling etc. Whatever works for you.

You need to get out.

Anybody worth knowing won't care how you look (really),
and there are such people, but they don't do shallow things,
so you can't look for them in shallow places. And it takes
a bit of persistence and luck. The world is full of people
looking for a friend, that could be you.

I will freely admit to having some of those feelings at your age,
but it will pass.

Stay out of the service and stay in school. Twenty-two is nothing,
you aren't even done growing up yet, hang in there. I didn't start
to get real traction until my late twenties.

[kitkatrose]

2. I kinda understand how you feel.

I’m torn between being the introvert/loner I am in my heart and the social person I feel I should be and halfway want to be.

Don't give into the hype about being social, it's highly overrated, especially if you're a loner. All you'll do is tire yourself out and be even more frustrated--trust me on this.

When I was in elementary and middle school, that was me to a T. Still is to some extent. But right about 7-8th grade, I had a massive mental shift to where I didn't give a flying flip that people ignored me, or used me (I was the brainy one, so people tried to cheat off of me by any means necessary). So now I still don't have that many friends (in college too), but now I don't particularly care. I've had aquaintances, for long periods of time actually, but no real friends. So we're in the same boat. :)

Your profile says you're in Ohio. If you can get to a larger city, I'd suggest you do so. I'm in DC now, and can't imagine going back home to live there. There's too many things for me to do to worry about the other people on campus, even if I'm doing them all alone. I've found I prefer the company of myself over most other people. :)

I’ve never dated and doubt I ever will (I’m not particularly funny or charming, and I’m as ugly as Bush is stupid), and as much as that hurts, I know it’s something I’m going to have to deal with.

It's not really any better on the other side. People tell me I'm attractive (you can check me out in the gallery if you want proof ;) ), but I've never dated--ever. Appearances tend to count for very little in the long run. If you're in the DC area, come look me up, I'll try to be a good tour guide. :D

I'd really, really, really suggest you not go into the military. I don't want to see you killed in Iraq or whatever nonsense comes up next.

[kaitykaity]

3. I echo the "avoid the military, stay in school" advice already here.

What I'd add though is you have to accept and like yourself
for who you are.

I know it sounds psycho-poppish, but it's true. It really
works. The depression is basically stinking thinking, to
use an AA meme. How you think affects how you feel. It's a
vicious circle.

You feel bad because you think nobody likes you, you project
that energy onto the world, then people don't want to be
around you because of the negative energy.

Find something you love to do -- read, play on the Internet,
ride a bike, a hobby -- and focus your energy on that.
Not on what you seem to feel are your "deficiencies."

[GOPFighter]

4. The good news: it gets better

as you get older. At some point you'll make peace with yourself and accept the fact you're a loner and that there are real advantages to being a loner. Believe me, quite a few of the party animals you see going around out there are loners at heart. They are succumbing to the social pressures that says if you're in college you got to PARTY!

When people mature they become more aware of their real self, and eventually make peace with that inner self. They also become more accepting - and understanding - of other people's moods and idiosyncrasies. That's when loners usually connect with other loners and make friendships based on a mutual understanding that loners often just like to be left alone.

Moving to a bigger city like Washington DC (as the earlier poster suggested - I also live there) is a great idea once you accept yourself, but until then it can be just as lonely as a college campus. A larger campus, with a larger choice of campus activities, is my suggestion, but only if you intend to join those activities.

In the meantime, try to accept yourself for who you are and don't feel pressured to be anything than what you are. There are thousands and thousands of happy loners out here in the real world and there's nothing wrong with us. Like everyone, we get depressed now and then but so do extroverts. Don't think you're unique in that respect.