Aren't you tired of hearing that you aren't complete/a real person...

[Brewman_Jax]

if you aren't regularly seen as part of a couple. :eyes:

I can function alone, thank you very much.

I'm at my favorite watering hole (my nearby locals bar) and I'm asked "where's your girl? If you're gay, that's fine, too."

No, I'm not gay just because I'm not part of a couple.

First, since you asked, one moved to the southside to get a house near her sister, and my last good prospect decided that she liked another guy she knew longer better. Second, this is MY bar, I'd never bring a causal date in here--I have other date places. Third, I don't cruise in here for dates; besides, I'd have an easier time if I were white. (Sorry, race still matters to a lot of people.) Last, if I were gay, that's not your business, either.


rant off.

[supernova]

1. Well, you are right on one level

Single people do get less attention because they are not in an identifyable category, i.e. "couple." If you're a parent, you can at least claim parenthood to connect you to others.

Oddly, you reminded me of a snippet of dialgue from Sex and the City

Carrie is talking to one of her friends, saying something like:

"All the the great rituals and moments in life are tied to coupledom. You get married; you get a shower and gifts. You have a baby or adopt; you get a shower and gifts. You get registered and everybody celebrates you.

Nobody ever throws you a shower for 'Congratulations on not marrying that jerk three years ago.' Where are my milestones? Where's my china for managing to have a full life as a single person? Why can't we celebrate that?"

I wish I had a local place I felt comfortable walking into on my own.

[Brewman_Jax]

3. I think that's worthy of a shower

you saw the light and left that jerk before it was too late! :applause:

If you're the only one of your friends that likes your date, that should make you think. :think:

[kaitykaity]

2. One of the blessings of being a sober alcoholic.

Me and booze don't get along, so no watering
holes for me.

And my friends have learned not to ask. I get
a little bitchy.

[all.of.me]

4. 'got a man in your life yet?'

that's always the first question a LOT of people ask.

'yeah. got a lot of men in my life. they are all wonderful friends.'

i don't get tired of it, but i think it's very shallow when that's everyone's main concern. not 'how are the kids?' 'where are you working?' 'i see you got a new car!' first question is about a mate.

[Brewman_Jax]

8. Same here

I haven't figured out if they really want to know, or don't know how to deal with something that is different and outside the mainstream. :shrug:

I like to think of myself as a skilled conversationalist because I try to carry on a conversation without asking the usual "What do you do?" or "Where are you from?" (if I don't know the person I'm talking to) or "How's the family?" and/or "How's the significant other?" (if I know the person I'm talking to.) That's not much of a conversation if everyone is just reading the "script."

[applegrove]

5. People want you to be happy the way they are happy. Take it as

a sign they care. I do.

[Brewman_Jax]

6. Do they really care...

or are they just not listening. Sounds more like insecurity to me. If you can't be happy simply because I'm happy in my way, well... :shrug:

[applegrove]

7. Well - they are certainly projecting what they understand as happiness

onto you. Some people just lead overly full lives even alone (and especially for people who have been victims or crime or trauma like I was at 30 - your life gets even fuller and bigger so that you need to be alone even more). Hard for people to understand if they have not come across it before. (and for sure the psychopaths will not be able to understand - what with their inability to be alone for a moment so steer clear of them - just like everybody else does). But if they are friends/family and welcome in your life - up to you to set the record straight and say "please - I'm happy. I know you don't understand. My life is full. I would have to give up so much to be with someone else. And I would only find peace and contentment in the stolen moments alone. And that wouldn't be fair to some person. I'm not up to giving out every day. It takes me time to process stuff. I do it at my leisure and am miserable if I cannot work things through at my own speed. There are so many reasons. Then point out that it is genetic in your family - but perhaps not in theirs." Up to you to work on the relationship you have with others. Perhaps they see you as lonely because you come in and drink. Maybe they are trying to nurture you & it is costing them - so point out to them that they can relax and don't have to try to keep the conversation going or entertain you - that you are fine. Point out to them that it is a highlight and a reward for yourself. And is about as much stimulation as you need.

IMHO

[Hello_Kitty]

10. Oh yes!! One must steer clear of the psychos!

Something that has taken me a long time through many horrendous experiences to learn. I've become a pretty self-contained person at this point. I generally enjoy my solitude and find ways to entertain myself and I'm capable fulfilling my own emotional and validation needs. I could probably stand to be a little more open to relationships with other people but that being said, it amazes me how frigging needy a lot of people are! Good grief! And why are they so attracted to me? My aloofness draws psychos to me like moths to a flame. For years I accomodated them up to a point, out of guilt and because I thought that's what you were supposed to do. But inevitably I tire of their incessant and unreasonable demands and cut them loose, sometimes rather abruptly.

Yeah, I get lonely sometimes but then I think about how hard life would be as a needy psycho and I count my blessings.

"And I would only find peace and contentment in the stolen moments alone."

My feelings exactly.

[LWolf]

9. Nobody has the courage to say something like that to me.

They either don't know me well enough, or they know me too well. I'm sure some think that way, but that's their problem, not mine.

In reality, I often miss my last husband. Why? He was a great mechanic, welder, fence builder, roofer, electrician, plumber, could do anything with his tractor, home repair, drywall, finish carpentry...

I can't afford to pay for professional help for many things I don't know how to do, so things often stay broken. For anyone who is old enough to remember, I live on "Green Acres" without Eddie Albert. Somehow, I get by. I guess wishing you had someone to fix everything and take care of the chores is not the same as wishing for a relationship. ;-)

[last_texas_dem]

11. Yeah

A couple weeks ago this guy I work with asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I responded "no", he asks me why I don't! Well, having never gotten that response before I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to say. I mean, sure I'd like to have one a girlfriend if it happened but I've never had much luck with women so I just kind of live with it. This dude made it sound as if I could just have one if I chose to or something. People really astound me sometimes...

[Trigger Hippie]

12. yes,

I've been single for nearly five years and my very traditional extended family in south Louisiana began asking me when I was getting married (starting at age 18, 10 years ago). They've given up on me. I think they think I'm gay or just beyond hope. I go to my local pub alone and say a few words to the bartender or chat with a couple other alone types, but I'm good with being alone. Sometimes I get a bit lonely but hey I'd rather be single than in a crappy relationship with an obnoxious man.

Hi fellow loners!!!


:hi:

:bounce:

:grouphug:

[Hello_Kitty]

14. That's so cool that you have a pub to go to.

I've never gone to a bar for a drink by myself. Occasionally, I'll arrive at one early while waiting to meet someone and some icky guy will assume I want "company" and start chatting me up. Men have it so much better in that arena. Guys I know go out to bars by themselves all the time and no one bothers them or thinks anything of it. Then again, I haven't established myself as a regular anywhere. That might be the key. There's a sushi place I like that I like to go to alone in the afternoon. Maybe I should go later and order a beer with my sashimi.

[Trigger Hippie]

15. Yes,

establishing yourself is a regular is a great help. I even know some of the men who go in there by themselves and chat with them. They don't hit on me. (Maybe they're gentlemen or maybe I'm just not hittable. :) ) I would like to strike up conversations with other women who are in there alone, but there doesn't seem to be any.

:)

:hi:

[NMMNG]

13. I still get that "are you seeing anybody" crap from time to time

:eyes:

I just want to say, "Not only do I not have the time to see anybody, but I don't have the desire to. Is there a problem with that?"

But I just answer "not right now".

[neuvocat]

17. I hate it when they ask "WHY!!!??!?!???"

Its like they absolutely cannot comprehend it. Either that or they're being facetious (sp?).

[neuvocat]

16. I got bad news for you.

It doesn't help that you're white either, I can tell you that.