I'm confused.

[mcscajun]

I've read the mission statement for the group, and many of the recent posts, and I'm a bit 'at sea' over who the loners here are.

Are you loners by temperament; i.e. hermit types who prefer being alone, who see very few people IRL (outside of work); loners by choice; i.e., people who choose to live alone but have an active social life (but no Significant Other), or loners by circumstance; those who live alone but who would like to have a partner, live-in or not, but don't, either because of life events or life choices?

By the mission statement, I fit: I've lived alone for the past 14+ years, following my last divorce; I have friends and get out with them from time to time, but I do not have an SO, I don't date, and I spend most of my time outside of work by myself. I'm comfortable with myself, and when I want company, I sometimes seek it, but other times, especially around holidays and 'event days' I feel like an intruder if I look for company. Loneliness is an issue sometimes...but only sometimes.

I only found this group by accident earlier this week, btw. :)

[bemildred]

1. So what is it you are confused about? nt

[mcscajun]

2. About whether I fit...or if most here are the "loners by choice"

who don't have much contact with others outside of work and DU.

[bemildred]

3. You fit.

It's not very fast-paced, but it's a conversation with one's peers.
Welcome to the "loner's group", an oxymoron if I ever heard one.
:hi:

[mcscajun]

4. An Oxymoron, indeed.

If everyone here were really 'loners' -- they wouldn't be...here, that is.


:)

[DemExpat]

5. So many gradations of "lonership".....:-)

Welcome to the club! :D

Internet is a well-suited meeting place for loners, don't you think?

:hi:

DemEx

[mcscajun]

6. Indeed it is.

Over the years, I've made a few good friends who've carried over into Real Life. :)

[Democracy White]

7. I've always been a loner

never seemed to fit in anywheres and never really into the popular scene.

Dee

[NMMNG]

8. Well technically,

According to the mission statement I don't qualify for membership in this group. I don't live alone (though I'd like to). I simply can't afford to live alone on my salaries.

My roomie happens to be one of my best friends, so that's in my favor. Unfortunately she's the type who despises being alone--but her partner lives in so whenever she's around I'm able to do solo stuff if I feel the need.


Whats better, I've carefully arranged it so that both of my jobs entail little or no contact with other people for the bulk of my shift. It actually took many years at one of the jobs for me to work my way into this position, whereas in the other I was hired into it first off. Accordingly I spend an average of 49 hours of my standard 70 hour work week in blissful solitude. (My clients are on the premises and I have to check on them, but they are in bed, not in my direct presence).

I've had jobs before where I've had people in my face constantly and they were horrible. I was a receptionist once. By the end of the first year I hated it. At a year and a half I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. :crazy::banghead:

[hippiechick]

9. Hmmmm ....

I've pretty much been a loner all my life ... preferred to have just a couple 'close' friends rather than scads of acquaintances ... but even my 'close' friends can count on me disappearing into my shell for weeks at a time ... people don't 'hang out' at my house - it's my sanctuary - my space ... and I tend not to mix work/personal.

Never been in a relationship longer than 6 months, and never lived with anyone. Come to think of it; there's only a handful of 'significant others' whose parents/families I've met.

I packed up and left WI in 1998 and moved to Indianapolis, where I only knew 2 other people. To this day there are members of my family in WI who have no idea where I am because family interaction just isn't necessary/fulfilling for me.

I can slip completely unnoticed in and out of most any event - and like it that way. The 'spotlight' bothers me. Lots of people, activity, noise/ruckus/drama bothers me. Being alone does NOT bother me.

Oh, and people who don't/won't understand or respect the loner's perspective bother me, too. ("You really should be more social!" "Come to the party, maybe you'll meet someone!" "Just jump in and start talking!" etc etc)

:evilgrin:

[bemildred]

10. "Just jump in and start talking!"

LOL. Yep, that's it.