"Feel free to bring your S.O."

[mcscajun]

I hear this all the time when invited to things by people who don't know me all that well. It's always well-meaning, so you'll feel free to bring the S.O. if you have one.

I feel fine when I do all kinds of things by myself, but then somebody says this, and I do a mini-obsess over whether I should try to get someone to go with me, realize there really isn't anyone local who I can drag along, and go anyway...and feel just the slightest bit weird 'cause I don't have a 'date'.

Does this happen to you, loners? Does it bother you at all? How do you handle it? Do you say something to the inviter before the event?

[Trigger Hippie]

1. It used to make me feel very self-conscious,

but now I just give a fuck. It took me years to not feel bad in those situations and I did that by forcing myself to not care and to realize I kicked ass on my own.

I usually don't say anything at all to the inviter. I may even bring a friend and pretend it's my SO.

:evilgrin:

[LWolf]

2. I just go.

I don't let other people's discomfort with singlehood slow me down. I say, "Ok," or I don't say anything at all. Then I show up alone, greet people cheerfully, and enjoy myself. When I choose to go.

I have noticed it many times; people are uncomfortable with the idea that there is not another person to be "with."

Sometimes it means that I don't get invited, if they are more comfortable with "couples."

Sometimes it means I'm urged to bring someone along. I don't.

I had a weird experience yesterday. I've recently moved to a new state. I had someone stop by to discuss a business matter, and congratulate me on my new job. On her way out the door, she casually mentioned that I would find my new community less "liberal" than my old in California. That this area is homophobic. (Not really; I moved from a right-wing stronghold in CA, and the new place is more moderate than the old.)

It took me a couple of hours to suddenly realize that she was warning me; she thinks I'm gay. I'm not. Women who happily live alone with no agenda to "get a man" must be gay, right? :eyes:

[mcscajun]

3. Misconceptions abound...

...I've been on my own for over 16 years now, since my last divorce.

People over the years whom I've worked with have more than once heard me make some wisecrack about either my divorced state and/or a previous husband. Once in a while, I'll get this as a reaction: "You were Married??!!??" as if to say this was a Total Shock and they'd never considered it possible.

And like you, it took me a while to figure it out: I rarely talk trash about my ex-husbands (in fact I rarely mention them in ANY context; so far as I'm concerned they're both ancient history and NO part of my "for publication" life story), I never talk about an S.O., there's no picture on my desk of one, I don't dress in a traditionally 'feminine fashion', so naturally, I MUST be a closeted lesbian. WRONG!

It only bothered me for about three nanoseconds, then it became amusing for about ten more...then I just shrugged and let the whole thing slide. :)

[LWolf]

4. My reaction, exactly.

I guess independent, self-sufficient women still make people uncomfortable, even in the 21st century. :eyes:

[Hello_Kitty]

5. I was rumored to be a lesbian, I swear to God, because

During breaks at work I preferred to sit by myself and do crosswords. It was brought to my attention that it was being said to me by a male co-worker and that was the only explanation he could come up with. "But..but...you're always alone!" I guess the stereotypically hetero female prefers groups or a male companion. Of course, I know plenty of lesbians who aren't loners but I guess that doesn't matter. :shrug:

[AuntieM1957]

6. LOL

That's so funny - and I've been labeled a lesbian for similar behavior.

Even had to explain to one dolt the differences between reading a book and engaging in lesbian sex.

One minor point, if I was in fact a lesbian, wouldn't that require the physical company of another female human?

When he still didn't get it, I just told him I hated all men.

That he understood!