What little solitude I have is going to go away soon. Both good and bad.

[mainegreen]

Thought I might post this here. Had to rant about it somewhere.

As a little background, I'm what you might call an extroverted introvert. Toss me in most social situations and I'll do more than float, I'll generally be the guy telling great stories, making people laugh, getting others to talk. And I hate it. I really only ever needed one friend. Any more than that and it just stresses the crap right out of me. Only child of a single parent who wasn't home a lot. Spent a lot of time in other countries and didn't speak the language. I can entertain myself. Really, I prefer it.

So I find the woman I want to marry, and she seems to understand that I like to do the things I like to do, and sometimes I'm not going to entertain her, and she's great with that. We marry. Sweet. Except now theres a junior on the way. That's fine with me (in fact I'm rather ecstatic about it). The thought of me, mrs Mainegreen and Mainegreen Jr is great. But I can sense the fucking net closing. The net of extended family and friends (her friends). The last thing on earth I want to do is spend *quality* time with either her friends or her/my family with the baby. Ours is the first grand kid. Already the phone, most hated of appliances, rings more. I find myself talking, if thats what one calls those one-way conversations, on the phone more and more. Next we'll have to make family appearances. Set up time so everyone can spend time with us and the baby. Friends will want to come over and see the baby (you don't know her friends! They will dammit!).

Don't get me wrong, I've been looking forward to having a child. Looking forward to spending time with someone who might actually be a little bit like me. But spending time with these people is agony. Yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap yap. What the hell do these people talk about all the time? Of course I can't really disappear every time these people come over. I don't think my wife would like that. Ung. Hopefully I can convince my wife that we need to keep visitations down, and that I really am *not* interested in long boring conversations about how the pregnancy is going or how we feel about it or whatever. The worst is that the same people will ask you the same damned things over and over and over and over and over and over and over. I am already sick of the 'how do you feel' question. I'll tell you how I feel, I feel that you should go and get your own damned baby if your so interested.

Seriously, why does having a baby give everyone carte-blanche to butt into your life?

:rant:

Sorry about the rant. Had to vent somewhere.

edited for misleading content error

[supernova]

1. Babies are people magnets

That's just the way it is. And really, look at it this way... appreciate the offers of help and babysitting that come your way.

When you need alone time just go... I dunno do you have some kind of hobby or workshop area that you can go to? That way you can go in there when there are too many people.

edit: And congrats on your little arrival. :D

[Hello_Kitty]

2. Wow. Are you my separated-at-birth twin brother?

Seriously. We have a few differences, as I'm female, unmarried, and childless. But your description of your personality just blew me away. I too am an 'extroverted introvert'. I'm wonderfully personable and charming when I feel like it, which isn't often, or if I need to be for practicality or profit. Did you know people like us are excellent salespeople? Even though we hate the job, we're ideal for it. We make great politicians too. People whom I meet while volunteering in politics absolutely insist that I should run for something. But my god! All the interaction with other people and their petty concerns! I'm horrified just thinking about it....It wouldn't surprise me if you encounter the same thing.

It's a sort of 'aloof approachableness', another puzzling contradiction that we manage to incorporate effortlessly into our personalities. It fascinates people, which is unfortunate since it makes them gravitate to us while we are usually trying like hell to get away from them. They want us around because when we talk, it's about important things. And we have a way of making weighty subjects light and funny. It's that snarky sense of humor.


And, most importantly, the PHOOOOOONE!!! Oh. My. God. do I hate that contraption! And yes, I have a home phone, cell, and pager. I have voluntarily made myself available 24/7 to anyone who wants to reach me. I have one very good friend that I can chat with for over an hour because she's exactly like me. I can also tolerate talking to my sister for a bit. As for anyone else, including my boyfriend, 5 minutes. Tops. After that I start tapping my fingers and twitching. What is WITH people and their seeming unending ability to yap on that thing about nothing of any consequence. Ugh...

Sorry for rambling, and hope I wasn't being presumptious by making assumptions about your personality based on my own. I really feel for you with the baby coming. I really do.

[salvorhardin]

4. Re: the phone

Somewhere in the middle of 2004 I made the decision, for my own sanity, to just turn off the ringer. My stress levels dropped precipitously. Now if the phone or the handset are within my visual field I'll see it blinking and then I can decide to pick up or not based on caller ID. If it's not in my visual field I don't feel that urge to pick up a ringing phone or the guilt that follows if I don't pick up.

On edit: One of my top peeves -- Going to someone's house and the phone rings every few minutes and they immediately stop the conversation to pick up the phone.

[mainegreen]

5. *ha* I hear you! I think you have a good grasp of the situation.

I too am *technically* availably 24/7. Damn tech job. They eventually forced me to get a cell phone (they pay) but it's battery is alway uncharged (Oh, you called? Huh, my battery must have been flat). I never check messages.

Plus I agree with the tapping-twitching bit when people talk. Sometimes it amazes me how long it takes people to get to the point. As a result I've been starting to develop the habit of finishing peoples thoughts for them. Got to learn to stop doing that, as it appears to irritate them.

[DemExpat]

3. I have to agree with you, that lots of solitude is not in the picture

once you start having a family, and I as an introvert and loner can really empathize with you and can only share my experience:

My firstborn was/is a "people person" and thrives on having people around her much of the time, and sensing this in her as an infant, I had to overcome my urge to retreat and be alone and to force myself (in a positive way! :-)) to seek out the social action she wanted/needed every day.

The trick that helped me through all of the child rearing years - my second born son was more like his Mom - was to focus on my kids' needs and put mine somewhat on the back burner.....taking my much needed hours of solitude when my husband was home on the weekends and I would let him "have" the kids while I retreated into my bedroom and just read, wrote in my journal, listened to music,..... just generally cleared my mind and recharged my batteries.

Without these stolen hours alone I think I would have gone nuts!

Everybody has to find their way, but I do think that a child's need for lots of human variety and contact is one of the basic needs for many children, so for me that is a priority.

Now that the kids have moved on out of the house I find myself retreating back into my more "natural" inclinations to be alone a lot, and, you know, I am not sure that I am happier or feel better now having this time and freedom to fill my days as I wish!

Bottom line: everything in life brings new possibilities and restrictions....so enjoy the times for what they are and know that they will not last forever.

Time FLIES!

:hi:

DemEx

ps. Being around loud and yappy people is hard on me too, so often I find myself socializing for awhile and then doing something like copying recipes from cook books or magazines (I enjoy collecting recipes)...so I'm busy doing something more introverted while half-listening and somewhat enjoying being around people......:silly:

I remember my shrink told me she used to knit and crochet for this very reason while in company, so perhaps its not such an odd need!

[mainegreen]

6. I hear you. I'm definitely going to make sure baby gets interaction.

But it will be one heck of a change.