Does BEING alone make you into a loner?

[Quakerfriend]

I have found that the more I am alone, the more I want to be alone. Does this happen to anyone else?

First, a little background for you. At present, I am a 48 y.o. stay at home mother of two. My husband and I both have very large families living nearby (45 and growing first order cousins live within 15 minutes!). For 18 years I worked in teaching hospitals- around lots of people all day. Lots of meetings, public speaking etc.

Since I stopped working I just want to be alone. We go to ~ 50% of family functions and other social occ's. Like the neighbors but, don't wish to socialize with them. I frequently want to leave parties early. And, I do notice that I regret meeting new, and interesting people because, though I like them very much, I do not wish to have any kind of relationship with them.

At times I feel as though I'm constantly trying to defend against unwanted invitations!!

Has this happened to anyone else?

[supernova]

1. I go through periods of this

where I want to be less social and don't really want a lot of attachments, other than my family.

I'm going through one now. I stopped going to church several months ago for two reasons, one of which was that I was constantly saying "no" to do this or that event or to get involved in this or that committee. I was not as social as they really wanted me to be. And it's tiresome to keep saying no and still have people want to pressure me to do things. Plus I hated that the participation level seemed to equate with what a great xtain you are. :P

I work and am single, so most of my energy goes into my job. After many years of jobs where the social pressures were unrelenting (I also logged hospital time, so I know what you're talking about), I now have a job where the social aspect is managable to me.

I try to concentrate on doing less but make it as meaningful as it can be for everyone, me included.

[smirkymonkey]

2. Yes, and I always wondered if being alone is almost like an

addiction of sorts. It does seem that the more I am alone, the more I find interacting with other people unbearable. On the other hand, the more I am around people the more I want to be alone too. Being around others for too long a period of time makes me very cranky and angry.

I also wonder if it's just getting older - I was never terribly extraverted, but I am much more introverted than I used to be. I don't like parties at ALL anymore, although I like small dinner parties with good friends, or even the occasional new person.

You are not alone. :hi: