CONSERVATIVE VIRGINS DONATE BLOOD FOR COULTER’S BATH

[BlueEyedSon]

When best-selling author Ann Coulter arrived at Charles Coughlin College in Lynchville, Illinois, Ceci Lawrence was shocked." She looked so different from her photos," the 22-year old co-ed marveled." She had these long, bony fingers, and her skin was all stretched and thin like rice paper, and I remember thinking during her speech: she looks like a talking kite." It was then that Ceci and several of her sorority sisters resolved to do something for their distinguished visitor.

"We decided to have a blood drive," Ceci said, "So that Ann could renew the unholy forces which animate her flesh by bathing in the blood of the innocent. Let’s face it—she travels all the time and that’s got to play havoc with any sort of rigorous beauty regimen. After all, the average human body only contains six quarts of blood, so you can imagine how many virgins it would take to fill up even one of those crappy little tubs at the Ramada Inn. I mean, come on—she can’t just keep dropping by Townhall.com and draining Ben Shapiro for a pint—he’s starting to look bleached."

Finding a sufficient number of uncontaminated maidens, even on the campus of a conservative bible college, proved to be a chore. "Yeah," observed Ceci. "It was a lot of work, but it was worth it. Ann is my role model."

More: http://blogs.salon.com/0002874/stories/2003/11/22/annCoultersBeautySecret.html

[lady lib]

1. Sick Sick Sick

I like it!

[Zuni]

2. She is the reincarnation of Countess Bathory

The hungarian countess who murdered over 600 peasant girls to provide blood for her to bathe and to drink in the 1600s

[orleans]

3. look--she's concealing her fangs