Arizona joke

[hippiegranny]

It was a toss-up as to which forum this was most suited to, but I think I made the correct choice!

(disclaimer) I am a cat lover, I have 5. Remember this is a JOKE! Even if most of it IS true!

MOVING TO ARIZONA

May 30th: Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I've found my home. I love it here.

June 14th: Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car, What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

June 30th: Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of Cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today but I love it here.

July 10th: The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least it is windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer then I expected.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking! into the car when I
left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the upholstery. The car now smells like Kibbles and shits. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

July 25th: The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer! And it's hot as hell! The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged me $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now.
$225,000 house and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th: It's 115 degrees. Finally got the AC fixed today. It cost
me $500 and gets the temperature down to 85 degrees I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th: If another wise ass cracks "Hot enough for you today?" I am going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!

Aug. 9th: Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on the seats in the car I thought my ass was on fire. I lost 2 layers flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

Aug. 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Hot ! and sunny, Hot and sunny, Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn desert? Water rationing will be next. So my $11,700 worth of cactus will dry up and blow over. Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

Aug 14th: Welcome to Hell! Temperature got to 120 today Forgot to
crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The
installer came to fix it and said " Hot enough for you today?' My
sister had to spend $1500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona.
What kind of sick demented idiot would want to live here? Will write
later to let you know how the trial goes.