> Dear Tech Support:

[Speed8098]

> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
> the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
> space and valuable resources. No mention of this was included with the
> product information. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other
> programs and now launches during system initialization, where it monitors
> all other system activity.
>
> Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Fishing 7.5, and
> Motorcycling 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I
> can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my
> favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0,
but
> the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!!!!!!
>
>
> THE REPLY:
>
> Dear Troubled User:
>
> This is due to a very common problem that generates many complaints. It is
> due to a primary misconception generally by male users. Many people
upgrade
> from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a "Utilities
and
> Entertainment program".
> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run
> everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and return to
> Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating systems files cause Girlfriend 7.0 to
> emulate Wife 1.0, so nothing is gained.
> It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
> system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife
> 1.0 is designed to disallow this.
> Some have tried Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems
> than in the original sys tem. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under
"Warnings -
> Alimony/Child Support." I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on
> improving the situation.
> I suggest installing the background application C:\YES DEAR to alleviate
> software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest
> that you read the entire section regarding "General Partnership Faults
> (GPFs)." You must assume all responsibility for any faults and problems
> that occur, regardless of their cause. You will also find that GPF's are
> cyclical. The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
> Avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR because ultimately you will have to
give
> the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return too normal anyway.
> Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
> Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,
> Cook It 1.5 (which replaces Burn It 1.0), Trash 4.0, and Do Bills 4.2.
You
> must, however, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use
> will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5. Once this happens,
> the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase
> additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 should this
> happen.
> WARNING!!!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install SecretaryShortSkirt
> 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause
> irreversible damage to the operating system