An oldie but a goodie - "Don't toot in bed"

[reprobate]

Don't toot in Bed!

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and
I'll pray for you.

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The
only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of tooting loudly
every morning when he awoke.

The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and
make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it
was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was
perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one
day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to blast them out!

Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and
he wa s upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the
turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a
malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and,
gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of
his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which
was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps
as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor
laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained
underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked
him what was the matter.

He said, "Honey, you were right. A ll these years you have warned me and I
didn't listen to you."

"What do you mean?" asked his wife.

"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up tooting my guts out,
and today it finally happened.

But, by the grace of God, some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most
of them back in."