E-mail: Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?

[Sweet Freedom]

Are you a Democrat, Republican or Southerner?
Here is a little test that will help you decide.
The answer can be found by posing the following question:


You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock cal 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?


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Democrat's Answer:
Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
Could we run away?
What does my wife think?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation?
Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?
We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for few days and try to come to a consensus.


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Republican's Answer:
BANG!


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Southerner's Answer: *
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click
Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?
Son: Can I shoot the next one!
Wife: You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!


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I rewrote the Republican reply and sent it back:

Republican answer:

Wait, let me give a tax cut to the rich first, then we can cut funding for security, make sure everyone ‘we’ know is behind a gated community fence, then we can recruit someone else’s kid to go put on a uniform without armor or any real protection and then ask them to shoot the bad guy for us. And if they get shot first, we can cut their health care and point them to a homeless shelter, cuz those wounded veterans are real eyesores.

We will be rooting our soldiers on, from the safety of a bunker, somewhere far from the actual fight, counting our money. (And praying that none of these riffraff veterans ever come looking for handouts, like medical care or pensions or funding for brain injuries they got fighting for their country.)

Oh, and if our hired hands don’t shoot the bad guys for us, we will call them cowards. And if they come back and complain that they didn’t have enough equipment, bullets, people or plans to get the job done, we will call them cowards and traitors. We will sip our drinks, count our money and complain that nobody loves America anymore or is willing to fight for it. (Maybe we can get some of those illegal aliens in as ‘guest fighters.’ Bet they would kill the bad guys for us, as long as we don’t have to pay them too much and can make them leave after they are done. I hope we don’t have to pay for their funerals either. Why, oh why can’t we bring back slavery?)


Original thread here:
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=364x1884050

(another good Republican answer: Hide the cheerleading skirt of a connecticut prep-school sissy that is playing dressup as a cowboy.)