"WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR..."

[rusty charly]

who's received this right-wing clap-trap from a "well-meaning" internet 'friend'?

http://www.sitnews.us/0605Viewpoints/062105_walt_bolling.html

well, i re-wrote it:

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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLIC GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the destruction of the country of Iraq has been completed.

Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, Bush's mission in Iraq is now a complete and utter failure.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the International War Crime Trials of the Bush Administration.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which were either foolish enough or bribed enough to stand by our side during the illegal invasion of Iraq. This list is, not surprisingly, short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there. No, we won't forget Poland.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, we will be asking forgiveness from the countries on list 2. The money wasted during the first year of the Iraq War Folly alone could have pretty much paid for the costs of the America's deficit.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into Multi-national Oil Conglomerates and watch those CEOs grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France. They would probably achieve something.

In the future, together with Congress, I will raise taxes on gazillionaires, especially the stock options of overpaid Corporate CEOs and redirect this money toward solving the vexing fiscal problems we still have at home thanks to 12 years of Republic Party rule. On that note, a word to American-based Global Corporations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and tax you and all your friends from the face of the earth.

Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Forget America. Dick Cheney's doing that job for you.

I am ordering the reinstatement of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. If they'll have us. Thanks for all your advice. We ignored you and the rest of the world and we're eternally sorry and ashamed.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many US congressional vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever laws pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to teach us about national health care. We really need it. Now.

Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. The Criminal Bush Family fixed your elections and you still don't bow and scrape to us? Boy, we're really stupid. We naively think we run the world.

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty- starting now. Free-trade and Free Market Theory is a disaster. It just doesn't work. I'm sure the US-based Global Conglomerates will LOVE that.

We are tired of forcing the one-way highway on the rest of the world. Immediately, we'll be looking for alternative fuels, and stop the destruction of our natural resources for the gain of Greedy Oil Companies. If you're an environmentalist, please help. We will listen to you. For a change.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.

Nearly a century of trying interfere in the Sovereign Governments around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. To the nations on List 1, a final thought. We lied to you. We owe you an apology and we won't forget.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought: Please give us another chance.

God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank your english teacher.